1. Academic English iii
May 19, 2015

2. Today
- Tone in business writing - Continue work on Paper 3 (if time)

3. Real-life example
Company: Discount-Mats.com A U.S. soldier stationed in Iraq inquired as to whether or not a mat company shipped overseas. He wanted to get the troops better gear to sleep on.

4. Real-life example – the response
From: Subject: Re: Feedback: from discount-mats.com SGT Hess, We do not ship to APO addresses, and even if we did, we would NEVER ship to Iraq. If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq. Bargain Suppliers Discount-Mats.com

5. Sending Letter-Quality Messages: Final Advice
Regardless of the type of business letter you write, the following guidelines will help you draft, tailor, and evaluate the letter to insure its quality:
Identify your reader.
Determine your purpose for writing.
Determine the reader’s reason for writing.
Organize information.
Include essential information.
Use the appropriate style and tone.

7. Language used in business writing
A letter that sounds impersonal and unfriendly can damage the image of an organization
(even if just in the eyes of one or a few potential clients).
On the other hand, a thoughtful, sincere letter (even if it is delivering negative news) can greatly enhance an organization’s image.

8. Example
Suppose you are a department store manager who receives a request for a refund from a customer who forgot to enclose the receipt with the request. In a letter to the customer, you might write:

9. Example
“The sales receipt must be enclosed with the merchandise before we can process the refund.”
However, if you consider how you might keep the goodwill of the customer, you might word the request this way:
“Please enclose the sales receipt with the merchandise, so that we can send your refund promptly.”

10. Example
Notice that the second version uses the word please and the active voice (“Please enclose the sales receipt”), while the first version contains the passive voice (“The sales receipt must be enclosed”).
In general, the active voice creates a friendlier, more courteous tone than the passive, which tends to sound impersonal and unfriendly. Polite wording, such as the use of please, also helps to create goodwill

11. Business Writing Language - Tone
Be respectful, not demanding:
CHANGE:
Submit your answer in one week.
TO:
I would appreciate receiving your answer within one week.

12. Business Writing Language - Tone
Be Modest, not Arrogant.
CHANGE: My report is thorough, and I am sure that you would not be able to continue efficiently without it.
TO:
I have tried to be as thorough as possible in my report, and I hope you find it useful.

13. Business Writing Language - Tone
Be polite, not sarcastic.
CHANGE:
I just received the shipment we ordered six month ago. I am sending it back – we cannot use it now. Thanks!
TO:
I am returning the shipment we ordered on March 12, Unfortunately, it arrived too late for us to be able to use it. Or
I am returning the shipment we ordered on March 12, ,2014. Unfortunately, the package arrived later than expected and we are unable to use it.

14. Business Writing Language - Tone
Be positive, not negative.
CHANGE:
Your complaint about our prices is way off target. Our prices are definitely not any higher than those of our competitors.
TO:
Thank you for your suggestion concerning our prices. We believe, however, that our prices are competitive with, and in some cases, below, those of our competitors.

15. Tone – a few tips
1. Avoid colloquial language in general. e.g. “Hey guys. We’re really glad we an lift you out of this mess.”
- Our team is happy to lend any assistance we can.

16. Tone – a few tips
2. Avoid overly negative statements. e.g. “You are making a big mistake.” “You are going to regret this.”
- Perhaps we should consider further options before committing to action.

17. Tone – a few tips
3. Avoid statements like: e.g. “I did the best I could.” “I’ll do my best.”
- Be specific about what you can do.

18. Tone – a few tips
4. Avoid familiarity (don’t be “cute”). e.g. “You seem pretty worried about your company’s inventory problems.”
- Per your request, I intend to evaluate your company’s inventory shortage.

19. Tone – a few tips
5. Use lexical hedges only where appropriate. e.g. To avoid directly blaming someone or to imply a lack of responsibility for a certain outcome. “It was definitely your team’s fault that the deal broke down.”
- It appears that more caution could have been exercised in communicating with the new client.

20. Same lexical hedges
It is my understanding, probably, under the circumstances, in my opinion, in some cases, hopefully, for all intents and purposes, to the best of my knowledge, as I recall…

21. Tone – a few tips
6. Tailor your language for your audience. e.g. I heard you are trying to set up your own business downtown. I would be glad to help you complete some of the necessary paperwork to accomplish your goal. I understand that you are opening a new business downtown. If you need any assistance completing some of the necessary paperwork, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Informal (close/personal relationship)
Formal (professional relationship only)

22. Tone – a few tips
7. Use appropriate tone – communicate directly with (not “at”). e.g. If writing to a Mr. Smith: “Mr. Smith needs to understand that his company is experiencing a difficult transition.”
- Mr. Smith. The company is currently experiencing a difficult transition. - Your company is experiencing a difficult transition.

23. Tone – a few tips
8. Avoid excessive praise or criticism - Overly strong praise can sound insincere. - Overly critical language will sound unprofessional
e.g. Your presentation was outrageously good. You decimated the competition with your trendsetting performance.
- Your presentation was very polished. Your performance seemed superior in several ways to your competitor’s.

24. Tone – a few tips
9. Deliver good and bad news carefully. - In general: Deliver good news directly e.g. On behalf of Bain and Co. I am happy to offer you the receptionist position. Congratulations…

25. Tone – a few tips
9. Deliver good and bad news carefully. Deliver bad news with more indirect language e.g. We did not think you were sufficiently qualified for the receptionist position. We selected a much more talented applicant.
- Thank you for applying for the receptionist position. We received many applications from qualified candidates. Although we did not elect to interview you for the position, we will keep your résumé on file so we can consider you for future openings.