1. Intimate Relationships and Communication

3. Developing Intimate Relationships
To have successful relationships, a positive self-concept and healthy self-esteem help love and respect others
Personal identity must be allowed to develop
The following are other factors learned in early childhood that assist with healthy relationships:
Gender roles
Style of attachment
Formulation of friendships
See box: “Being a Good Friend”

4. General Gender Differences
Men are more independent – self-reliant (self value associated with achievement)
Women are more interdependent- relational (self value associated with connectiveness to others)
Men are more goal/bottom line focused
Women tend to enjoy the process
Men are more competitive in the need to prove themselves
Women are more cooperative and nurturing

5. Gender Differences, con’t.
Men are more analytical
Women are more intuitive
Men use one brain hemisphere at a time
Women use both hemispheres simultaneously
Men are more linear focused
Women tend to be better at multi-tasking
Men are more action-oriented
Women are more verbal

6. Gender Differences, con’t.
Men use words for conveying facts
Women use words for expressing emotion
Men have a primary need for respect
Women have a primary need for being cherished
Reference: Gray, John: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

8. Equality in Relationships
Honesty & Responsibility
Open Communication
Intimacy
Physical Affection
Fairness & Negotiation
Shared Responsibility
Respect
Trust & Support

9. Power & Control in Relationships
Minimization & Blame
Intimidation
Sexual Abuse
Physical Abuse
Threats
Domination
Humiliation
Possessiveness

10. Challenges in Intimate Relationships
Honesty and Openness
Unequal or Premature Commitment
Unrealistic Expectations
Competitiveness
Balancing Time Spent Together and/or Apart
Jealousy
See box: “Love Maps Questionnaire”

12. Strategies for Enhancing Support in Relationships
Be aware of the importance of support
Learn to ask for help from your partner
Help your partner the way you would liked to be helped
Avoid negativity
Make positive attributions
Do things for yourself once in a while
Keep relationship problems separate from other support issues
See box: Strategies for Enhancing Support in Relationships”

13. Ending a Relationship
Give the relationship a fair chance before dissolving
Be fair, tactful, honest, and compassionate
If you are the rejected person, give time to resolve anger and pain
Recognize the value of the experience in order to move on towards better times

14. Communication Skills
Non-verbal forms of communication can be just as important as verbal
Three keys for good communication in relationships:
Self-disclosure
Listening
Feedback
See Box: “Guidelines for Effective Communications”

15. Choosing a Partner Most will consider the following: Geographical area
Similar ethnic and socioeconomic background
Educational level
Lifestyle
Physical attractiveness
Based upon many common characteristics, the shift goes towards basic values such as:
Religion
Political beliefs
Sexual attitudes
Family/children
See box: “Interfaith and Intrafaith Partnerships”
See box: “online relationships”
See Figure 4-2 on unmarried partnerships

16. Marriage 95% of all Americans marry some time in their life
Satisfies several basic needs
Today, marriage is more for personal, emotional reasons
When people enter marriage with such preconceptions, it may be harder for them to appreciate the benefits that it offers

17. Benefits of Marriage Affection Personal affirmation Companionship
Sexual fulfillment
Emotional growth
Setting to raise children
Providing for the future
Economic provision
Tax issues
See box: Are Intimate Relationships Good for your Health?

18. Predictors of a Happy Marriage
Partners have a realistic expectation about their relationship
Each feel good about the personality of the other
They communicate well
They have effective ways of resolving conflict
They agree on religious/ethical values
They have an egalitarian role relationship
They have a good balance of individual versus joint interests and leisure activities
See box: Are Intimate Relationships Good for Your Health?

19. Divorce
The true statistic is that historically speaking no more than 41% of marriages end in divorce.
Experts suggest the reflections of the following unfulfilled expectations:
Belief that marriage will ease the need to deal with own faults
Belief that marriage will change faults in your partner
Belief that romance will continue at the same level throughout marriage
Belief that marriage will provide the avenue to continue your personal power
Belief that your partner will be successful in meeting all your needs

20. Successful Families
This is a family that copes successfully with stress and crisis, which involves the following:
Commitment
Appreciation
Communication
Time together
Spiritual wellness
Coping with stress and crisis in positive ways
See box: Strategies of Strong Families

21. Website Resources
American Association for Marriage & Family:
Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment
Family Education Network:
Go Ask Alice:
Life Innovations:

22. Parents Without Partners: www.parentswithoutparnters.org
Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection:
United States Census Bureau:
Whole Family Center:
Yahoo/Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals: _culture/cultures_and_groups

23. Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network – hotline and on-line help with important information & links