Language Mock exam feedback

Language Mock exam feedback
Paper 1 feedback – As we go through, on a piece of paper, write down every tip/error for each question to use as revision. Keep this piece of paper with the exam! Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

This extract is from the beginning of a short story by Katherine Mansfield. It is the early 1900s and Rosabel, a lower class girl who works in a hat shop, is on her way home. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

At the corner of Oxford Circus, Rosabel bought a bunch of violets, and that was practically the reason why she had so little tea – for a scone and a boiled egg and a cup of cocoa are not sufficient after a hard day's work in a hat shop. As she swung onto the step of the bus, grabbed her skirt with one hand and clung to the railing with the other, Rosabel thought she would have sacrificed her soul for a good dinner, something hot and strong and filling. Rosabel looked out of the windows; the street was blurred and misty, but light striking on the panes turned their dullness to opal and silver, and the jewellers' shops seen through this were fairy palaces. Her feet were horribly wet, and she knew the bottom of her skirt and petticoat would be coated with black, greasy mud. There was a sickening smell of warm humanity – it seemed to be oozing out of everybody in the bus – and everybody had the same expression, sitting so still, staring in front of them. Rosabel stirred suddenly and unfastened the two top buttons of her coat… she felt almost stifled. Through her half-closed eyes, the whole row of people on the opposite seat seemed to resolve into one meaningless, staring face. She began to think of all that had happened during the day. Would she ever forget that awful woman in the grey mackintosh, or the girl who had tried on every hat in the shop and then said she would ‘call in tomorrow and decide definitely’? Rosabel could not help smiling; the excuse was worn so thin. But there had been one other – a girl with beautiful red hair and a white skin and eyes the colour of that green ribbon shot with gold they had got from Paris last week. Rosabel had seen her carriage at the door; a man had come in with her, quite a young man, and so well dressed. ‘What is it exactly that I want, Harry?’ she had said, as Rosabel took the pins out of her hat, untied her veil, and gave her a hand-mirror. ‘You must have a black hat,’ he had answered, ‘a black hat with a feather that goes right round it and then round your neck and ties in a bow under your chin – and a decent-sized feather.’ The girl glanced at Rosabel laughingly. ‘Have you any hats like that?’ They had been very hard to please; Harry would demand the impossible, and Rosabel was almost in despair. Then she remembered the big, untouched box upstairs. ‘Oh, one moment, Madam,’ she had said. ‘I think perhaps I can show you something that will please you better.’ She had run up, breathlessly, cut the cords, scattered the tissue paper, and yes, there was the very hat – rather large, soft, with a great, curled feather, and a black velvet rose, nothing else. They had been charmed. The girl had put it on and then handed it to Rosabel. ‘Let me see how it looks on you,’ she said. Rosabel turned to the mirror and placed it on her brown hair, then faced them. ‘Oh, Harry, isn't it adorable,’ the girl cried, ‘I must have that!’ She smiled again at Rosabel. ‘It suits you, beautifully.’ A sudden, ridiculous feeling of anger had seized Rosabel. She longed to throw the lovely, perishable thing in the girl's face, and bent over the hat, flushing. ‘It's exquisitely finished off inside, Madam,’ she said. The girl swept out to her carriage, and left Harry to pay and bring the box with him. ‘I shall go straight home and put it on before I come out to lunch with you,’ Rosabel heard her say. The biggest issue seemed to be a lack of overview of what happened in the text, and more specifically, in different parts of the text! Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Exam step 1 Read the source once, carefully! Exam step 2 Read the source again, this time, marking on the side: What happens in each section (a section may be 2 lines, or 20. Look for changes in time / place / tone or character) Emotions experienced by the character Techniques the author uses and IMPACT on readers W E T I know this seems like you will be wasting valuable time, but I 100% believe that an extra 5 minutes spent here will have a dramatic impact on your marks later on! Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

What annotations would we add?
At the corner of Oxford Circus, Rosabel bought a bunch of violets, and that was practically the reason why she had so little tea – for a scone and a boiled egg and a cup of cocoa are not sufficient after a hard day's work in a hat shop. As she swung onto the step of the bus, grabbed her skirt with one hand and clung to the railing with the other, Rosabel thought she would have sacrificed her soul for a good dinner, something hot and strong and filling. Rosabel looked out of the windows; the street was blurred and misty, but light striking on the panes turned their dullness to opal and silver, and the jewellers' shops seen through this were fairy palaces. Her feet were horribly wet, and she knew the bottom of her skirt and petticoat would be coated with black, greasy mud. There was a sickening smell of warm humanity – it seemed to be oozing out of everybody in the bus – and everybody had the same expression, sitting so still, staring in front of them. Rosabel stirred suddenly and unfastened the two top buttons of her coat… she felt almost stifled. Through her half-closed eyes, the whole row of people on the opposite seat seemed to resolve into one meaningless, staring face. Exam step 2 What happens in each section (a section may be 2 lines, or 20. Look for changes in time / place / tone or character) Emotions experienced by the character Techniques the author uses and IMPACT on readers Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 1 Read again the first part of Source A lines 1 to List four things about Rosabel from this part of the source [4 marks] At the corner of Oxford Circus, Rosabel bought a bunch of violets, and that was practically the reason why she had so little tea – for a scone and a boiled egg and a cup of cocoa are not sufficient after a hard day's work in a hat shop. As she swung onto the step of the bus, grabbed her skirt with one hand and clung to the railing with the other, Rosabel thought she would have sacrificed her soul for a good dinner, something hot and strong and filling. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Top tips Get your answers from the right lines! Your answers MUST be about Rosabel! You don’t HAVE to make inferences – a lot of you said she was tired (because of after a hard day's work- you could have just said ‘she’s had a hard day’s work). You can get two points from one sentence – eg; after a hard day's work in a hat shop = she works in a hat shop. She has had a hard day Nearly 20% of you did not get the full 4 marks on this question. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Read again the first part of Source A lines 1 to List four things about Rosabel from this part of the source [4 marks] 4 minutes At the corner of Oxford Circus, Rosabel bought a bunch of violets, and that was practically the reason why she had so little tea – for a scone and a boiled egg and a cup of cocoa are not sufficient after a hard day's work in a hat shop. As she swung onto the step of the bus, grabbed her skirt with one hand and clung to the railing with the other, Rosabel thought she would have sacrificed her soul for a good dinner, something hot and strong and filling. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 2 - You need to refer to lines 6 to 14 of the source. How does the writer use language here to describe Rosabel’s bus journey home? You could include the writer’s choice of: words and phrases language features and techniques sentence forms [8 marks] Rosabel looked out of the windows; the street was blurred and misty, but light striking on the panes turned their dullness to opal and silver, and the jewellers' shops seen through this were fairy palaces. Her feet were horribly wet, and she knew the bottom of her skirt and petticoat would be coated with black, greasy mud. There was a sickening smell of warm humanity – it seemed to be oozing out of everybody in the bus – and everybody had the same expression, sitting so still, staring in front of them. Rosabel stirred suddenly and unfastened the two top buttons of her coat… she felt almost stifled. Through her half-closed eyes, the whole row of people on the opposite seat seemed to resolve into one meaningless, staring face. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Top tips The average mark on this question was 3.9 out of 8 By now, you will have written next to the section what is happening in it and what the tone is (ie; how Rosabel feels in this section). Your answers to this question should support this emotion. Ie; you are looking for proof of her discomfort / her boredom / the contrast with the beauty of the shops / the uniformity of everyone on the bus. The bullet points are optional. The use of the word ‘could’ means you do not have to cover all of them! Indeed, we recommend NOT trying to cover ‘sentence forms’. Your responses do not HAVE to be techniques! It could be just an analysis of a particular word or phrase. Those who just said “there is a metaphor which describes the shops as ‘fairy palaces’ which shows they are magical” would not score highly. The marks come from showing how that relates to Rosabel – eg”this is a stark contrast to the life of Rosabel, which is far from magical or regal”. The important thing is to talk about the effect on the reader OR the writer’s intentions in using certain language. Avoid generic “it paints a picture in our heads” or “it makes us feel as Rosabel felt”. These are SIMPLE comments, worthy only of level 1. Examiners hate these comments! Your answers need to be contextualised! You can’t comment on the symbolism of Rosaline’s skirt being black (ie; evil or scary) WITHOUT referring to her mood / her lifestyle / her day at work. All answers should be specific to THIS text, not generic “the fact that her skirt is black shows that something bad will happen”. You are trying to show how Mansfield has used language to reveal aspects of Rosabel’s character and / or world. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Rosabel looked out of the windows; the street was blurred and misty, but light striking on the panes turned their dullness to opal and silver, and the jewellers' shops seen through this were fairy palaces. Her feet were horribly wet, and she knew the bottom of her skirt and petticoat would be coated with black, greasy mud. There was a sickening smell of warm humanity – it seemed to be oozing out of everybody in the bus – and everybody had the same expression, sitting so still, staring in front of them. Rosabel stirred suddenly and unfastened the two top buttons of her coat… she felt almost stifled. Through her half-closed eyes, the whole row of people on the opposite seat seemed to resolve into one meaningless, staring face. Which language choices stand out? Can you see any techniques? What do they reveal about aspects of Rosabel’s character and / or world? Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

A model paragraph- The writer also uses metaphors to describe the outside world; “the jeweller’s shops seen through this were fairy palaces”. This shows us that the outside world seems unreachable, almost magical compared to the horrendous journey on the bus. It seems that she is almost wishing to be in a more magical location than on this sweaty, crowded and dirty bus. The reference to “palace” furthermore suggests that even small jewellery shops seem massive to her as she drives by, connoting that she is a poor girl and would never be able to buy anything so expensive. The fact that she is having to use public transport supports this as well. The reader cannot help but sympathise with her as she is trying to escape reality with her imaginings of magical locations and ideas, suggesting that she is desperate to escape the miserable journey emotionally: Rosabel would rather be anywhere than here. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

You need to refer to lines 6 to 14 of the source. How does the writer use language here to describe Rosabel’s bus journey home? You could include the writer’s choice of: words and phrases language features and techniques sentence forms [8 marks] Rosabel looked out of the windows; the street was blurred and misty, but light striking on the panes turned their dullness to opal and silver, and the jewellers' shops seen through this were fairy palaces. Her feet were horribly wet, and she knew the bottom of her skirt and petticoat would be coated with black, greasy mud. There was a sickening smell of warm humanity – it seemed to be oozing out of everybody in the bus – and everybody had the same expression, sitting so still, staring in front of them. Rosabel stirred suddenly and unfastened the two top buttons of her coat… she felt almost stifled. Through her half-closed eyes, the whole row of people on the opposite seat seemed to resolve into one meaningless, staring face. 10 minutes 2 x FULL analysis – POINT, EVIDENCE, ANALYSIS, CLOSE ANALYSIS, EFFECT ON READER OR 4 x STATEMENT, EVIDENCE, IMPACT Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 3 - You now need to think about the whole of the source. The text is from the beginning of a short story. How has the writer structured the text to interest you as a reader? You could write about: what the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning of the source how and why the writer changes the focus as the source develops any other structural features that interest you [8 marks] So use the bullet points to start your three SEI paragraphs… At the beginning of the source, the writer focuses our attention on… Then, the writer changes the focus to… The writer also uses… (shift in time, place, tone, perspective etc.) 10 minutes Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Top tips The average mark on this question was 3 out of 8 By now, you will have written next to each section what is happening in it and what the tone is (ie; how Rosabel feels in this section). Your answers to this question should seek to show how the focus changes throughout the text. In its simplest terms, you are required to examine what happens where and why, asking yourselves the question, ‘How does reading about this at this point add to my understanding of the text as a whole?’ Don’t overcomplicate this question! It is not as scary as it seems! Concentrate on the reasons behind Mansfield’s sequencing, structural shifts and movement through the text. You do not need lots of technical language here. You MUST not talk about language! This question requires you to think about why something is placed at the beginning, middle or end of the source, not just what is placed there. You need to understand that any story is a construct. Give an overview of the structure of the whole source before breaking it down into its constituent parts. Analyse the shifts in perspective and focus on why Mansfield is changing our perspective. Eg; The first half is a descriptive passage about Rosabel’s journey. Then it is full of dialogue about her day. The switch enables us to see WHY she has had a hard day and is feeling glum. Look for links between the beginning and end of the story. Can you find any? Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

A model paragraph- At the beginning of the extract Mansfield focuses our attention on Rosabel. Using a visual narrative hook, we are told that she “swung onto the step of the bus” and “clung” to the railing. This establishes that she is rushed after a hard day at work and also allows the reader to infer that she is a disorganised person, hence why she had to quickly board the bus as she arrived only just in time. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 4 - Focus this part of your answer on the second part of the source, from line 19 to the end. A student has said, ‘This part of the story, set in a hat shop, shows that the red-haired girl has many advantages in life, and I think Rosabel is right to be angry.’ To what extent do you agree? In your response, you could: consider your own impressions of the red-haired girl evaluate how the writer conveys Rosabel’s reactions to the red-haired girl support your responses with references to the text [20 marks] Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Top tips The average mark on this question was 9 out of 20 You can NOT afford to miss out this question! It is 25% of the whole paper! Use the bullet points to guide you, but there are NO rights or wrongs here – it is your own interpretation. However, DO agree with the statement! This particular statement gave you 2 avenues for exploration – did the other girl have advantages and was Rosabel right to be angry. This was a good question because as a bare minimum they have already given you 2 things to discuss! If you completed exam step 2, you should have a pretty good summary of how Rosabel feels and why. This will help a lot. You must write about the METHODS used to convey Rosabel’s feelings, or the girl’s advantages, not just what they were. Starting with the method may help with this, ensuring that your focus is on how a feeling is expressed, not just what the feeling is. Eg; The use of two adjectives in a row (“A sudden, ridiculous feeling of anger had seized Rosabel”) emphasises just how angry Rosabel is at the realisation that she will never own a hat as “exquisitely finished” as this. Mansfield clearly demonstrates Rosabel’s feeling of inadequacy, humiliation and jealousy by emphasising that her anger is quick and perhaps unjustly focused on the girl. If you have not fully read and digested what the story is about, this question will trip you up. There were a few mis-readings of this, such as believing that the girl had been on holiday to Paris (it does not say this!) or that the girl is rude to Rosabel (she isn’t!). This is why exam step 2 is so important! Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

A model paragraph- When the red haired girl commands “I must have that!” Mansfield clearly shows how many advantages she has, particularly in comparison to Rosabel. No matter the cost, she can demand any item and her wealthy partner is willing to buy it for her. This reflects her social status; she doesn’t have to worry about expenses, or anything else for that matter, as her family and partner can support her desires. This contrasts with Rosabel, who is completely on her own, having to support herself and even having to choose between buying herself a luxury and eating a good meal that night (“a bunch of violets, and that was practically the reason why she had so little tea”). Rosabel cannot and could not exclaim “I must have that!”in any situation. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 4 - Focus this part of your answer on the second part of the source, from line 19 to the end. A student has said, ‘This part of the story, set in a hat shop, shows that the red-haired girl has many advantages in life, and I think Rosabel is right to be angry.’ To what extent do you agree? In your response, you could: consider your own impressions of the red-haired girl evaluate how the writer conveys Rosabel’s reactions to the red-haired girl support your responses with references to the text [20 marks] 3-4 PEEEL paragraphs (Effect on reader and Link back to key words in the question – advantages / angry) 20 minutes Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 5 - Your local newspaper is running a creative writing competition and they intend to publish the winning entries. Either Describe a journey by bus as suggested by this picture: OR Write a story about two people from very different backgrounds. (24 marks for content and organization, 16 marks for technical accuracy) [40 marks] Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Top tips The average mark on this question was out of 24 and 8.3 out of 16 Some of you DID NOT include paragraphs. No matter how good your work, you cannot get more than 3/24 without them! Argh. Always do the description! Write a plan- include techniques in it! This will keep you focused and ensure that you do not head into narrative. Quality not quantity counts here! You don’t need to write pages. Think about ANIMALS but do not be restricted by it. Craft sentences to vary length, starter words and style. Steal ideas from the source – eg; you could have described what you could see from the bus, not just what is actually happening on the bus. Leave enough time for this question – it is 50% of the paper grade and 25% of your overall English Language grade. We are going to trial you STARTING with this question in the next mock – giving you the full 45 minutes to write and allowing your ideas to be fresh! Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

A model paragraph- A woman lays back in her chair trying to find a comfortable position in the stubbornly stiff chair. She gives up and continues chatting on the phone to an invisible friend. Her mouth moves, but the rumbling of the bus snatches the sounds away from the woman before I can hear it. Lonely, surrounded by a mass of other lonely beings, my eyes scan the bus for entertainment. An army of yellow poles stand proudly, luminous and made shiny by the golden artificial light creeping around the bus. The bright lights, their fluorescent yellow, just emphasises the dullness of the bus. Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

QUESTION 5 - Your local newspaper is running a creative writing competition and they intend to publish the winning entries. Either Describe a journey by bus as suggested by this picture: OR Write a story about two people from very different backgrounds. (24 marks for content and organization, 16 marks for technical accuracy) [40 marks] 45 minutes Know – what went wrong! Understand – how to move forwards! Be able to – Make improvements!

Language Mock exam feedback

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