1. Gaining and Building Trust
4-H Congress
October 1, 2016

2. What is Trust? Trust is an imprecise word, like “love”
The word is the same, but let’s hope the experience is different!
How would you define “trust”?
Are you a “test and trust” or “trust and test” person?
Why is “trust” an important part of leadership and citizenship?

3. Three Elements of Trust
Integrity
The reliability that you will fulfill any commitment that you make.
Intimacy
The level of personal connection that you have with that person.
Investment
The depth of personal value you have created with that person.

4. INTEGRITY – The Trust Tank
You build integrity by making and perfectly keeping commitments.
The RULE of THREE
Three kept commitments moves the trust needle forward one step.
One commitment that is not kept moves the needle back three steps.
The RULE of ONE
As far as building INTEGRITY all commitments are equal.
I will be at the meeting at 7:00 p.m., versus I will give you my kidney.
Meeting EITHER commitment moves the trust needle forward one step!
This does not apply to INVESTMENT but is a fact of human nature regarding building INTEGRITY.

5. INTEGRITY Building INTEGRITY is personal ONLY Commit YOU!
It can only be done person to person
You can only commit yourself (not your club, your school, etc.)
Trust does not exist between companies, organizations, schools, or clubs – it only exists between PEOPLE!
ONLY Commit YOU!
Don’t commit to anything that you don’t have control over
No matter how good your intentions might be!
If you don’t have control over the action, then commit to the communication:
“I will ask my club if we can complete the flower box project at our next meeting on June 11th. I will call you on June 12th at 4:00 p.m. and let you know our decision, and if my club is committed to completing the project, we can discuss next steps at that time.”

6. Building Integrity CONSISTENCY is key!
Increase the precision of the commitments that you make.
Increase the frequency of commitments.
DO what you claim you will DO.
CLAIM what you DO!
What do you do that you don’t claim?
“We said that the meeting would start at 7:00 p.m., so let’s be true to our word. It’s 7:00 p.m., let’s get started!”
Time stamping is incredibly powerful!
CONSISTENCY is key!
Hold Yourself Accountable!
Use your calendar to remind you to make that phone call at 7 p.m.
What do you say if you get their voice mail?

7. Building Integrity Exercise
Form two groups.
As a group, quickly discuss and then write three promises that YOU should NOT make to a 4-H stakeholder (Members, Leaders, community service recipient, Fair Board, etc.) Remember: You can only commit to what you have complete control over and you should NOT commit anyone other than yourself!
When completed with step B above, give your list to the other group.
When you receive the other group’s list, pick one of the promises and then figure out what you can commit to and how you will perfectly keep the commitment. Parameters are:
Increase the number of commitments
Only commit what you know you can deliver
Time stamp
Remember: If you can’t commit to the action, commit to the communication.

8. Intimacy
Don’t worry – in this case we are talking about “familiarity and understanding” not the kind of intimacy you have to confess on a daytime talk show!
How did you feel the first time you went to a 4-H Meeting and an older member remembered your name?
Intimacy is usually built through two methods:
Time
Conscious interaction
People CONNECT through our similarities but LEARN from our differences!

9. Intimacy Six Levels of Intimacy Connecting Sharing Advising Assisting
Small talk. “You’re in the Photography Project? So am I!”
Sharing
Move from data to emotion. “Yeah, I was really scared at my first meeting too!”
Advising
They ask your advice and you give it. “Yes, I think you should join Junior Leaders! It has been one of the best things I have done for myself, because . . .”
Assisting
You actually DO something that helps them. “Yes, I will spend a couple of hours with you to help you prepare for Master Showman. I will even let you practice with my lamb.”
Accepting Assistance
Why is accepting assistance more intimate than giving it?
You accept their help! “Yes, I agree you know more about servo-motors than I do and I would be grateful if you helped me with that part of building my robot!”
Interdependency
Highest form of intimacy and very hard to reach and maintain. Most of us only have a few family members and friends with whom we reach this level!

10. Intimacy A few rules: When giving advice, don’t “should” on people!
“You should join Junior Leaders.”
“You should build your robot this way.”
Don’t skip steps – take each step in order!
Why is it important to not skip steps?
How do you feel when someone starts giving you advice when you first meet them?
Should you aspire for level 6 with everyone?
The higher you go in the intimacy steps the longer each step takes.
Don’t push! When building intimacy, TIME is your ally!
Interdependency
Accepting
Assistance
Assisting
Advising
Sharing
Connecting

11. INVESTMENT
The last and most important step to a trusting relationship.
Simply put – what is each person in the relationship willing to invest into maintaining and/or growing the relationship?
Time
Effort
Consistency
Thoughtfulness
Why are EACH of these parameters important?
Is one more important than the others?
Champion

12. INVESTMENT Thoughtfulness Reciprocity Grace The Golden Rule
Treat others like YOU would like to be treated.
The Platinum Rule
Treat others how THEY want to be treated.
Does everyone like to be treated the same?
Think about how THEY want to be treated!
Best way to communicate to them.
Conflict Resolution.
Recognition.
Reciprocity
Investment is a two-way street!
Over time (can be short to long time period) BOTH trust partners must invest in the relationship!
Grace
After taking the time to invest in the relationship and build trust, BOTH partners owe each other grace!
Forgiveness
Commitment to open communication

13. INVESTMENT A Few Rules About Investment:
No matter how much you may want to invest in the relationship, if the other person does not have the same level of demonstrable commitment to the relationship, you are wasting your time.
Even though it can be hard, sometimes you have to “fire” friends (customers, partners, etc.) or end relationships. Signs that you should do this are:
You are investing much more commitment (time, effort, consistency, thoughtfulness) into the relationship than they are.
The relationship is bad for you! (They are taking advantage of you, influencing you in ways you are not comfortable with, causing you to feel sad or depressed all of the time, etc.)

14. TRUST
First step is?
Do what you say, say what you do!
What are very important qualities you should embody to gain and build trust?
Integrity
Honesty
Reliability
Consistency
What is the hardest thing to do to build trust?
Keep commitments?
Tell the whole truth, no matter what?
Be consistent?

15. Questions?