1. Leaders SHINE I – Share Ideas & Innovate
S – Share your Strengths
H – Speak with Heart & Humor
I – Share Ideas & Innovate
N – Keep Networking & Negotiating
E – Always Empower & Engage
“People may not always remember what you did, or what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel” Maya Angelou

2. We are in the People Business – Leaders follow the path

3. The starting point of understanding people is to realize and accept the fact that “Everyone is not like you” My Perception-My Reality

4. Right Fighter?

5. We have Preferences -

6. and Differences -

7. Leadership is influence…. Who would you follow?

8. The Seven Signs of a Great Leader, Communicator and Connector
Learning to Listen
Learning to Trust Yourself
Learning to Empower Others
Learning to be Resilient
Learning to Make the Difficult Emotional Decisions
Learning to Take Responsibility
Learning to Communicate Effectively

9. Where do you Fall? Top Leadership Characteristics
Listening Skills – listen to listen, not listening to respond
Asking Effective Questions
Responsiveness
Respond quickly – set expectation
Empathy
Recognize their Emotional State & Validate their feelings
Treat each person as an individual
Having a WHY?

10. Listening and Questioning
Partner Interviews
Round #1:
Partner #1/Interviewer: 60 seconds to ask as many questions as possible to build rapport with your partner
Partner #2/Interviewer: ONLY Listen to questions being asked. Remember as many as you can.
At end of 60 seconds, Partner #2 will respond to all questions.

11. We are in the PEOPLE business How do you Build Rapport?
Internal & External CUSTOMERS ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW…….. 1) Can you HELP me? 2) Do you CARE about me? 3) Can I TRUST you? STARTS WITH YOUR LANGUAGE

12. First Impressions – Do you Value People?
Within 6 seconds we begin assessing people.
Our brains are wired to compartmentalize information and it is natural for us to take in the information to determine if we will continue to build the relationship.
Over 6,000 thoughts a day!

13. What is your Perception – What have we said without saying anything
What is your Perception – What have we said without saying anything? Who at your table……
___Who goes to the theater at least once a year?
___Who has traveled outside of the US in the past 12 months?
___Who knows how to make a bloody mary?
___Who will be a millionaire?
___Who knows what a hack saw and a jig saw is?
___Who knows what an armoire is?
___Who would vote for gay rights?
___Who secretly wants to be a Hollywood Star?
___Who would travel with the Peace Corp to help disadvantaged communities?

14. What is your
Perception?
Our perception influences our communication

15. Rule #1: Never make judgments
Ask questions to reduce Assumptions
Rule #1: Never make judgments

16. Connecting Principles –
Connecting Increases your Influence in Every Situation
Connecting is All About Others
Connecting Goes Beyond Words
Connecting Always Requires Energy
Connection is More Skill than Natural Talent

17. Connecting Practices Connectors Connect on Common Ground
Connectors Do the Difficult Work of Keeping it Simple
Connectors Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys
Connectors Inspire People
Connectors Live what they Communicate

18. Principle #1 - Connecting increases your influence in every situation.
When you meet someone new, how do you try to connect with him or her? What are the first questions you usually ask to learn more about the person?
How do you know if you have connected with them?

19. Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATION
Principle #3 – Connecting goes beyond words 3 Components to Face-to-Face communication How others believe what we say when we communicate: >90% of the impression that we often convey has nothing to do with what we actually say!
WORDS
TONE OF VOICE
BODY LANGUAGE

20. Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATION
3 Components to Communication
Thought
Emotion
Action
When thought, emotion and action are congruent,
connecting goes beyond what we say
because we are now emoting what people can feel
and we are connecting with them more than just verbally.
When thought, emotion and action are congruent, connecting goes beyond what we say because we are now emoting what people can feel and we are connecting with them more than just verbally.

21. Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATION
Communication Breakdowns
Breakdown
Thought – knowing
Emotion – feeling
Action - doing
Dispassionate
I know this
I do not feel this
Theoretical
I do not do this
Unfounded
I do not know this
I feel this
Hypocritical
Presumptuous
I do this
Mechanical

22. Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATE with others by:
Action – something we do; connecting visually; what people see Thought – something we know; connecting intellectually; what people understand Emotion – something we feel; connecting emotionally; what people feel
Action:
To connect with people visually
Expand your range of expression
Move with a sense of purpose
Maintain an open posture
Thought:
To connect with people intellectually
Knowledge must be experiential
Experience is not only a good teacher, it is a great persuader
Emotion:
To connect with people emotionally
People may hear your words but they feel your attitude

23. Connecting Principles #4 ENERGY
Principle #4 – Connecting always requires ENERGY – Do you study up on the person before you meet them?
4 Unpardonable sins of a communicator:
3 of the 4 require a lot of effort and energy
Connecting requires:
Initiative – go first!
Clarity – prepare
Patience – slow down
Selflessness – give
Stamina – recharge
Unprepared
Uncommitted
Uninteresting
Uncomfortable

24. Connecting Principles #5 SKILL
Principle #5 – Connecting is more SKILL than natural talent
Successful Connecting
Relationships Who you know
Sacrifice
How you live
Insight
What you know
Success
What you have done
Ability
What you
can do

25. CONNECTING PRACTICES
What can you do to connect with others in order to effectively communicate?
Connect on Common Ground
Keep it Simple – speak their language
Create an Experience that they feel valued
Inspire them – Saying you will do something creates HOPE. Doing what you say you will do builds TRUST.
Who are you, What are you doing? Where are you going?

26. Connecting Practices #1 COMMON GROUND
Practice #1 – Connectors connect on common ground
Assumption
Arrogance
Assumption – “I already know what others know, feel and want.”
Arrogance – “I don’t need to know what others know, feel or want.”
Indifference – “I don’t care to know what others know, feel, or want.”
Control – “I don’t want others to know what I know, feel or think.”
Control
Indifference

27. FAST PACED
PROCESS
PEOPLE
CAUTIOUS/METHODICAL

28. ORANGE Ask “What” Questions “Tell” vs “Ask” “Fast Speech”
How Communicate:
You Should Try:
Ask “What” Questions
“Tell” vs “Ask”
“Fast Speech”
“Open with their Opinions”
“Go Right to the Issue”
Communicate briefly/to the point
Stick to the topic
Be clear about expectations
Show confidence/competence

29. BLUE How they Communicate You Should Try Ask “WHO” Questions
Make Small Talk
Go off on tangents
Use lots of stories
Express feelings & emotions
Like to Exaggerate
Approach them Informally
Be relaxed & Sociable
Use humor
Give them public appreciation
Provide written details

30. GOLD How they Talk You Should Try Ask “How” Questions
Listen more than they talk
Ask vs Tell
Reserved with opinions
Use first names
Be logical and systematic
Show how they are important
Give Checklists/Procedures
Let them go slow into change

31. GREEN How they Communicate You Should Try Ask “Why” Questions
Ask vs. Tell
Listen more than they talk
Precise, detailed speech
Need time to think before they respond but like to talk
Give clear expectations and deadlines
Be Precise and Focused
Value High Standards (provide research details)
Show that you are dependable and loyal
Leadership Rule #2: Take time to build rapport in order to understand how best to communicate with them.

32. No Matter what your People Always Want to Know…..
Do you Care about me?
Can I Trust You?
Can you Help Me?
Have a genuine interest in people and value them for who they are.
Believe that you can learn something from every person you meet.

33. Connecting Practices #1 COMMON GROUND
Choices to finding common ground:
Availability
Listening
Questions
Thoughtfulness
Availability – I will choose to spend time with others
Listening – I will listen my way to common ground
Questions – I will be interested enough in others to ask questions
Thoughtfulness – I will think of others and look for ways to help them
Openness – I will let people into my life
Likeability – I will care about people
Humility – I will think of myself less so I can think of others more
Adaptability – I will move from my world to theirs
Openness
Likeability
Humility
Adaptability

34. Connecting Practices #2 Simplicity
Practice #2 – Connectors do the difficult work of keeping
it SIMPLE 4 components to connect through communication
Humor
Heart
Hope
Help
Three S’s
Have a Smile
Say it Slowly
Keep it Simple
Art of Simplicity
Talk to people, not above them
Get to the point
Say it over and over and over again
Say it clearly
Say less

35. Connecting Practices #3 EXPERIENCE
Practice #3 – Create an EXPERIENCE everyone enjoys
How to be interesting:
Take responsibility for your listeners
Communicate in their world
Capture people’s attention from the start
Say it so it sticks

36. Left – how people describe you on a GOOD day
RIGHT – how people describe your service on a BAD Day

37. How do People SEE you As a Communicator?
Sure glad the hole isn’t on my end
When asked to do something within your realm of responsibilities….how do you respond?
If you are asked to something above your realm of responsibilities…how do you respond?
Yep, Okay, Sure vs I will take care of it for you.

38. Connecting Practices #4 INSPIRE
What people KNOW
What people SEE
What people FEEL
Inspiration
Practice #4 – Connectors INSPIRE people Inspiration Equation
What do people need to KNOW?
That you understand them and are focused on them
That you have high expectations of them
What do people need to SEE?
Your conviction
Your example
What do people need to FEEL?
Your confidence in yourself and them
Your gratitude for them

39. Connecting Practices #5 CREDIBILITY
Practice #5 – CREDIBILITY is the currency that connectors have
Credibility Checklist
Have I connected with myself?
Have I made right my wrongs?
Am I accountable?
Do I lead like I live?
Do I tell the truth?
Am I vulnerable?
Am I following the Golden Rule?
Do I deliver results?

40. Credibility + Communications = Connections
Relationships – people listen because of who you know
Sacrifice – people listen because of what you have suffered
Insight – people listen because of what you know
Experience – people listen because of what you have achieved
Abilities – people listen because of what you are able to do
Intuition – people listen because of what you sense
Character – people listen because of your integrity
Humility – people listen because of your heart
Relevance – people listen because you identify with their needs
Convictions – people listen because of your passion

41. Thank YOU! Lisa Schaefer, MSE Shine with Schaefer, LLC
Counselor Professor, Certified JMT Coach
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