1. Disciplining Our Kids
CARE Group
March 2013

2. Three Easy Steps to Effective Discipline
Today’s Topic
Three Easy Steps to Effective Discipline

3. My Kids

4. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him

5. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him
Heb 12
5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children?
He said, “My child, don’t make light of the LORD’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.

6. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him
Heb 12
6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
7 As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?

7. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him
Heb 12
8 If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.

8. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him
Heb 12
9 Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?

9. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him
Heb 12
10 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how.
But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.

10. 1. Why Discipline?
Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him
Heb 12
11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful!
But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way

11. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. xviii
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. xviii
God calls you to exercise authority, not in making your children do what you want, but in being true servants –authorities who lay down our lives.

12. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. xviii
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. xviii
The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power but to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.

13. 1. Why Discipline? Because our kids need and want it
They need it because they are sinners

14. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, pp. 200-201
James Dobson
Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, pp
The tendency to do wrong was transmitted genetically (Psalm 51:5). It has infected every person who ever lived…
A child is naturally inclined towards rebellion, selfishness, dishonesty, aggression, exploitation, and greed.

15. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, pp. 200-201
James Dobson
Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, pp
He does not have to be taught these behaviors. They are inevitable expressions of his humanness.

16. 1. Why Discipline? Because our kids need and want it
They need it because they are sinners
They will be happier, both now and long-term

17. James Dobson
Dare to Discipline, p.21
It is the ultimate paradox of childhood that youngsters want to be led, but insist that their parents earn the right to lead them.

18. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, p. 89
James Dobson
Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, p. 89
Quoting Susannah Wesley:
[When parents] neglect timely correction, [children] will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy which is hardly ever after conquered, and never without using such severity as would be painful to me as to the children.

19. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, p. 89
James Dobson
Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, p. 89
In the esteem of the world, those who withhold timely correction would pass for kind, indulgent parents,
whom I call cruel parents, who permit their children to get habits which they know must afterward be broken.

20. Prov. 19:18 – Discipline your children while there is hope
Prov. 19:18 – Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

21. Prov 5
12 You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!
13 I would not obey my teachers or turn my ear to my instructors.
14 And I was soon in serious trouble in the assembly of God’s people.”
22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast.
23 For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly.

22. 1. Why Discipline? Because our kids need and want it
They need it because they are sinners
They will be happier, both now and long-term
Their relationship with us and with others will be better
E.g. Samson

23. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. 32
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. 32
As a school administrator, I observe that most parents do not understand the appropriateness and necessity of being in charge in their child’s life.

24. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. 32
Tedd Tripp
Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. 32
Rather, parents take the role of adviser… By the time the child is 6 or 8 or 10, he is his own boss. By age 13 the child is out of control.

25. Ernest W. Swihart Jr., Patrick Cotter
The Manipulative Child, p. 126
First strive to earn your child’s respect, and love will usually follow – not the other way around.

26. 2. Barriers to Discipline
Guilt – I feel disqualified to discipline (e.g. David) Family upbringing Emotional energy Confusion

27. Amazon.com Review for “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards”
This book recommends parenting behavior such as hitting children, which is NOT the advice most Christian Counselors would give to parents…

28. Amazon.com Review for “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards”
This book does not do an adequate job of explaining the real truth of God's word for parenting children...
it simply takes the advice to hit your kids and gives you some excuses to make you feel better about doing it.

29. 3. Practical steps
Read
Decide steps ahead of time and which battles you will fight
Keep your emotional energy level high
Relationship with God
Relationship with spouse
Relationships with others

30. 3. Practical steps
Beware the temptation to excuse their behavior

31. James Dobson
Dare to Discipline, p. 42
One should never underestimate a child’s awareness that he is breaking the rules.

32. 3. Practical steps
What we do
Say “No”
Stop-Pause-Redirect

34. 3. Practical steps What we do Say “No” Stop-Pause-Redirect
Timeouts or putting them in their rooms
Spanking – for defiance

35. Susan Yates
And Then I Had Kids, p. 106
Some parents have found a spanking spoon or a switch to be more effective than the hand.
I always used the hand because I could never find the others when they were needed.

36. Susan Yates
And Then I Had Kids, p. 106
The tool does not make that much difference. The punishment does.
Unfortunately, some have taught that spanking is unloving and unwise. In fact, it is just the opposite. A two-year-old will not fully understand adult reasoning.

37. Susan Yates
And Then I Had Kids, p. 106
He’s not supposed to! He will, however, get the message that the spanking will bring. His bad behavior brought unpleasant consequences.

38. Susan Yates
And Then I Had Kids, p. 106
Spanking is helpful because it clearly communicates, it is swift, then it is over.
When it is over, a big hug offers reassurance. Spanking can be a positive force in teaching self-discipline and obedience…

39. Susan Yates
And Then I Had Kids, p. 106
Our children know when they are disobedient, and a swift spanking may be painful for the moment, but it is also temporary.

40. Susan Yates
And Then I Had Kids, p. 106
A swift consequence enables the issue to be forgotten and prevents resentment from being built up.

41. 3. Practical steps What we do Spanking – for defiance
Hug immediately afterwards
Kids can tell the difference between hitting and spanking
Never spank in anger
Discipline in public?
Spanking: asked Matt to not wear my hat, he put the hat on, I asked him to put it back on the, he looked at me and threw it. So I spanked him. He let me hug him, then he stood up, looked at me with testosterone chin, and grabbed my arm and twisted it really hard. So he got another spanking and put into quiet time. He put his head on my shoulder as I carried him to his room, and then he fell asleep.

42. 3. Practical steps Apologize Connect with your kids Daily
Weekly time with each kid
Talk to other parents

43. Ernest W. Swihart Jr., Patrick Cotter
The Manipulative Child, p. 80
To judge the merits of someone’s pronouncements about childrearing, use what you see in families that are doing well.

44. 3. Practical steps
NEED TO BE UNDER GRACE!

45. 3. Practical steps
NEED TO BE UNDER GRACE!

46. Discipling Our Kids Questions? Comments? Experiences?