1. Constructive Communication
I-statements and reflective listening

2. I statements
A sender of a message can use a statement that begins with "I" and expresses the sender's feelings, identifies the unwanted behavior, and indicates a willingness to resolve the dispute, without using "you" statements or engaging in positional problem solving.

3. Situation 1:
Mark is yelling at James because James changed the channel on the television from MTV to VH1. Mark is calling James names and telling him to turn it back or else Mark will pound him.
Traditional "I" message : James says to Mark: "I feel angry when you call me names and yell at me and I want you to stop it."
New "I" message: James says to Mark: "Hey, Mark. Cool out, man. I'm starting to get angry. I don't like it when people call me names and threaten me. I didn't know that changing the channel was such a big deal. Can we work this out like friends?"

4. Situation 2:
Monica heard from a friend that her friend Angela was trying to steal Monica's boyfriend.
Traditional "I" message : Monica says to Angela: "I feel angry when you try to take my boyfriend and I want you to leave him alone."
New "I" message : Monica says to Angela: "I feel awkward because I heard a rumor about my boyfriend. Will you help me get to the bottom of this?"

5. Situation 3:
Monroe is two minutes late for class for the third time in two weeks and the teacher does not appreciate his tardiness.
Traditional "I" message : The teacher says to Monroe: "I feel aggravated when you come to my class late and I want you to be on time from now on."
New "I" message : The teacher says to Monroe: "Monroe, I am glad to see you in class today. When a student enters class late it is disruptive to me and the other students. Let's talk after class and work out a solution."

6. Types of I-Statements Descriptive I see I heard Thought I think
I wonder
Feeling – I feel . . .
Intention
I wish
I wanted to
Action
I am
I went

7. Reflective Listening
In reflective listening, the listener actively attends to the message of the speaker and immediately afterward paraphrases the message for the speaker, reflecting back both the facts and the feelings that he or she heard.
Hearing someone else "reflect" the message gives the speaker an opportunity to confirm or correct the "perception" of the listener.
The goal of reflective listening is to clarify and define the situation accurately, so that the process of resolution can begin.
Reflect the speakers message:
Repeat what you understood
Ask clarifying questions
Show empathy

8. Practice
With a partner at you table write a situation where you could use I statements and reflective listening with a child.
Make sure to include an I statement, an example of reflective listening, and at least one clarification.

9. Resources