1. Personal Essay

2. Personal Essay
Usually, a personal essay is a short piece of writing ( words) that examines a place in time, personal achievement, obstacle, relationship, event that happened to you.
The personal essay includes both the WHAT happened and the HOW it affected you. There is no right way to organize this essay, so we will practice taking risks, focusing our thesis and taking more risks to create originals. Remember, the definition of essay comes from the french "essai," to try. 
In college language this is called the personal essay or personal statement. In other places it is called the memoir or personal narrative.

3. Personal Narrative / Personal Essay
Focuses on a singular, significant event
Supports by details that emphasize the experience
Uses details and reflection that emphasize the importance of the event
Focuses on a central idea
Supports by using incidents from the writer’s life
Uses broad reflection and specific details tied to the central idea to emphasize the importance of the life lesson

4. TIPS for your essay…
Use vivid language and specific detail : show, don’t tell
Vary your syntax : change the length and style of your sentences
Use clear transitions : do they convey shifts in time or place?
Vary your transitions : avoid repetition
Quick grammar check : verb tenses in agreement? avoiding pronouns?

5. ADVICE Going Beyond Cliché: How to Write a Great College Essay
University of Washington Tacoma advice   
 How to Conquer the Admissions Essay  New York Times, August 2017 
 Harvard  - advice 
 Johns Hopkins examples and advice from admissions 
 Connecticut College - examples and advice   

6. SAMPLE ESSAYS
Idalia Felipe, Los Angeles on living in a crowded household with little money  / NYT College Admissions Contest Winner on NYT Snapchat  
 Chloe Ford, New York on writing as a way to escape 
 Jonathan Ababiy, Minnesota on being a child of immigrants from Moldovia and the American Dream 
Julia Thomas, New York on Mulan and personal growth 
Bailey Whitman, Pennsylvania on volunteering in Honduras 
 Justin on being ambidextrous 
 Lucas on music  
 Nardos on the standardization of beauty in America (top 150/7000 in NYT op-ed contest)
 Claire Williams, Oregon on death of a friend  (scholastic awards –longer than college essay) 
 Sabrina Wong, Connecticut on racism hurts (scholastic awards –longer than college essay) 

7. Contests : Submission required
Young Writer’s Awards
Scholastic Art and Writing Awards

8. ASSIGNMENT
OBJECTIVE: Each student will write a personal essay that will be submitted to one of two contests in order to practice writing style, reflection, and public writing (awareness of audience beyond the classroom teacher). DIRECTIONS: Write a word personal essay (word count depends contest and university) that answers one of the prompts given.

9. Prompts Common App 2017-2018 Prompts
Western Washington 2018 essay prompts and advice 
University of Washington Tacoma essay prompts  DUE DATE Jan 15th 
 University of Washington  2018 essay prompts /advice  DUE DATE November 15th 

10. Choosing your prompt…
Applying to college this fall? Choose the appropriate prompt for your admissions process.
Graduating this year, but not planning to attend a four-year college? Ask me. Together we will choose a prompt that will be purposeful to your post-high school plan.
Junior? Choose a prompt from the Common Application or a college that you are seriously interested in. Consider this powerful practice for the real deal.

11. DUE DATE First roughest draft due : Monday, September 18.
Does not need to be typed (but can be); must be a “complete” essay.

12. SYLLABUS Is attached to the assignment in the grade book.
Print it out, get it signed, turn it in.

13. on loose sheet of paper….
What are you struggling with on this essay? What help do you need from your peers? Be SPECIFIC
JOURNAL ENTRY
on loose sheet of paper….

14. “It is your job to transfer what you have seen, remembered realized, experienced. If the reader does not comprehend, you have failed to do your task well.” Crafting the Personal Essay, Moore
REMEMBER THE READER

15. There are 12 samples essays. Read and comment on at least 4 essays
There are 12 samples essays. Read and comment on at least 4 essays. Write your comments on the same piece of paper on which you wrote your journal.
READ SAMPLE ESSAYS

16. Features of Excellent College Essays
Visible signs of planning : Building out from a narrow, concrete focus and knowing how to tell a story.
Star execution : Stellar first sentence and a lively, individual voice; technical correctness.

17. Other features that you noticed…
On your journal page, write some of the things you noticed about the sample common application essays.

18. Roughest Rough Draft
Mark the “good” places with a highlighter. In the margin EXPLAIN why it is good. Use complete sentences to explain yourself.
What did the writer do there? What did the writer put into that section? What did the writer leave out of that section? What makes it successful, or “good”?
Mark the confusing, boring, frustrating passages. If you had to back up and reread – notify the writer. Write your comments in the margin. Use complete sentences to explain yourself.

19. Today’s Advice
Remember the crucial importance of details. Don’t tell, show.
Do your research. If you are writing from memory, ask people what they remember. One question may trigger more details.
Neither a hero nor a victim be!

20. Write on journal paper….
What help did you get today? What is something about your essay that you are proud of? What do you still need help with?
EXIT TASK
Write on journal paper….

21. TYPED ROUGH DRAFT DUE WED, Sept 20 / THURS, Sept 21
HOMEWORK
TYPED ROUGH DRAFT DUE WED, Sept 20 / THURS, Sept 21

22. EXIT TASK
FIRST / MIDDLE / LAST – one or two sentence outline of “story”
I am struggling with …
I am already proud of …

23. PEER REVIEW

24. FIRST PEER REVIEW PROS: You learn a great deal about your writing
You get good feedback
You can improve your paper dramatically
CONS:
The reviewer doesn’t offer constructive criticism (just says, “great job”)
You only want the instructor’s opinion
You don’t want other people to see your work before it’s finished

25. PEER REVIEW is for the REVIEWER
Editing someone else’s paper is the best way to learn how to edit your own work.
Bad Advice is the reviewer’s loss – they didn’t learn how to edit.

26. PEER REVIEWERS ANY SKILL LEVEL WORKS
You can learn from any paper you read – regardless whether you are more or less skilled that the author
Check your paper for the traits – better writing is your model, terrible writing is your reminder to check your own writing more thoroughly
WHAT IF THE ADVICE IS WRONG?
Your reader is any reader. If your reader is confused, make your writing clearer
Your goal in writing is not to be MISunderstood – so take all advice into consideration
If it is a suggestion for punctuation, check the punctuation rules

27. MOST IMPORTANTLY
Peer reviewing is an act of collaboration. Collaboration is essential to the workplace. Learning to take constructive criticism – weigh its value – then act on it is an essential skill for surviving in college, work, and life.

28. INTRODUCTION
The introduction should be straightforward, yet intriguing.
You want to arouse the interest of the reader about your subject matter without confusing the reader as to what the subject matter is.
Is a great opening line important to you?

29. THESIS STATEMENT
Your thesis statement should be EXPLICIT – stating clearly the subject of your essay while putting the story into a specific context.
Your thesis statement may not be in the first paragraph. Maybe you are waiting until later in the essay to state your message specifically.
Maybe you are even waiting until the end…

30. STRUCTURE
The body of the essay should trace the chronology of a story (or series of events) from your life.
You may begin at the end or in the middle and explain the events leading up to your event.
You may use an original format just as Twenty Questions did. But don’t use Twenty Questions – it has already been done.

31. Verb Tense, Transitions, Pronouns
Verbs tell the story of time – if it happened in the past, use the past tense of the verb.
Transitions help move the reader through your story, and possibly through time. Use words that propel the reader at the speed you want to tell the story.
Pronouns are confusing. Use specific nouns to keep things clear. My dad hates pronouns and told my brother and sister never to use them. He hated them so much that he wouldn’t speak to them when they used them. He stopped talking and she was so upset she wouldn’t stop talking to him.

32. STEP ONE: Self-Review
Thoughtfully complete the self-review on the sheet of paper.
Be specific in your responses.
Put the completed review in your journal or notebook, so that you cannot look at it until we take it out again.

33. STEP TWO: Peer Review Match up with your assigned partner.
Trade papers without talking – no explanations or excuses…
Go back to your seat and complete the questions for peer review.

34. STEP THREE: Discuss
When instructed, meet back with your assigned partner.
Congratulate each other for bringing in a rough draft to review.
REVIEWER: Put the essay on the table between the two of you. Share your responses and use the paper to SHOW the writer what you are referring to.
WRITER: Take notes on your own paper. LISTEN. Ask clarifying questions. You MAY NOT explain sections or make excuses. Remember, you will not be present when the essay is read by an admissions officer – or me when I grade it!

35. STEP FOUR:
Take our your own responses and, with your partner, compare each other’s thoughts.
Talk about the differences and similarities.
Finally, make some specific decisions about how this paper can be improved.

36. STEP FIVE: Report Progress
On an EXIT SLIP – write a note to me. Tell me about your progress.
Tell me about your worries.
DUE MONDAY / TUESDAY – NEXT ROUGH DRAFT. Typed.
KEEP YOUR ROUGH DRAFT> This is 1 of the reviews that are mentioned on the rubric for this essay.

37. Prepositions

38. Eliminating Unnecessary Prepositional Phrases
Overuse = wordy, dull writing
Prepositions are useful and necessary
Concise words are better
Verbs are better

39. The rabbit jumped over the hill.
Define Preposition
A preposition is a word used to link a noun to a sentence, and in so doing, relates the noun to another noun or verb.
The preposition explains the noun’s relationship to time or space or purpose.
The rabbit jumped over the hill.

40. Make a list of prepositions…

41. Make a list of prepositions…
by under for near about on against to with next inside outside because during from like over in until across above toward along among atop behind beneath into like less minus notwithstanding throughout towards underneath unlike

42. Which become phrases… During his speech On the beach Under the table
Toward the end
Until the last
On the beach
Near the desk
Against the wind
Off the cuff
From the beginning

43. How many are too many?
If your sentences contain only a few verbs, especially verbs in the passive voice, and many prepositions, your essay is probably wordy and confusing.
Do the math! If your writing contains 20 to 25 percent prepositions, you have probably used too many prepositions…

44. Exploring Mars Complete the exercises on the Exploring Mars Handout.
There will be a quiz on this during the next class.

45. EXAMINE YOUR ESSAY
Take a look at your essay. Find and circle your prepositions and prepositional phrases.
Do the math.

46. ACTIVE VERBS

47. Identifying Verbs A verb performs one of three functions:
PHYSICAL ACTION: Action performed by subject -- THE DOG ATE THE HOMEWORK
MENTAL ACTION: Express the state of subject -- HE LOVED HIS FAMILY
CONNECTING VERBS: Connect the subject of the sentences to a complement -- JOHN IS ANGRY

48. Replacing dull verbs with vivid verbs…
Read the “Claire” excerpt. Underline the verbs and identify whether they convey Claire’s physical or mental action (state) or whether they act as connecting verbs.

49. Claire walked down the crowded school hallway on this first day of school. She looked quickly to her left, and then to her right. Then, she walked out and joined the throng of students. Was anyone watching her? Although she wanted to look around, she kept looking straight ahead. However, it seemed that none of her classmates looked at her as they quickly walked to their classes.

50. The excerpt is bland and lifeless because the verbs the writer uses to describe Claire’s actions are general and impersonal.
Vivid verbs appeal to the reader’s sense impressions and provoke feelings.
Vivid verbs convey exactly what is happening and draw the reader into the action.
An effective verb must specifically relate to its subject by personalizing the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the character.

51. Vivid Verbs are not just for storytelling…
Technology and capital investment are bringing Brazil into the next millennium. As it changes from socialism to capitalism, the economy is moving some reluctant Brazilians into the next millennium, while others are agreeing with the sweeping changes. The stated goal of Brazil’s planners is to control the South American continent within five years.

52. Becomes this…
Technology and capital investment are propelling Brazil into the next millennium. As it progresses from socialism to capitalism, the economy is dragging some reluctant Brazilians into the next millennium, while others are embracing with the sweeping changes. The stated goal of Brazil’s planners is to dominate the South American continent within five years.

53. And in the field of scientific research…
Images of the Moon show enormous craters across its landscape whose jagged walls stick out against the horizon. Millions of years’ worth of debris falling on the satellite has changed its surface. However, has the landscape only been changed by falling debris? The flat, broad plains may be lava flowing from ancient volcanoes. Volcanoes indicate an active subsurface, yet today, scientists see a quiet subsurface underneath a dead landscape. How and why was the Moon changed? Scientists are looking for the explanation to this mystery and perhaps help Earth from having the same future.

54. Images of the Moon reveal enormous craters strewn across its landscape whose jagged walls jut against the horizon. Millions of years’ worth of debris bombing the satellite has etched and pockmarked its surface. However, has space debris plummeting into the surface of the Moon been the only sculptor of the landscape? The flat, broad plains suggest that in the early history of the Moon surging lava was expelled from ancient volcanoes. Volcanoes demand an active subsurface as a source of energy, yet today, scientists observe a quiet subsurface overlain by a dead landscape. What process transformed the Moon? Scientists are striving to unlock this mystery and perhaps save Earth from suffering the same fate.

55. YOUR GOAL
Find your weak verbs and replace at least half of them with VIVID, SPECIFIC VERBS!

56. General Verbs and their Substitutes
GENERAL VERB: WALK
SUBSTITUTES: Stroll, wander, traipse, ramble, roam, meander, shuffle
GENERAL VERB : TALK
SUBSTITUTES: chat, debate, exchange, gossip, speculate, lecture, negotiate

57. Why not just add an adverb?
Edgar asked me to lend him some money.
Edgar angrily asked me to lend him some money.
Edgar demanded that I lent him some money.
Words such as scared, happy, sad, angry rarely suffice to show the clear feelings of their holder.

58. EXAMINE YOUR ESSAY
Take a look at your essay. Underline weak verbs or weak adverb/verb combos. Replace at least half of them with vivid, specific verbs.

59. THE PASSIVE VOICE
Active: The subject performs the action or shows the condition.
Passive: The subject receives the action of the verb.

60. Doing vs. Receiving
The pitcher threw the baseball to the catcher. Subject: Pitcher Direct Object : Baseball Action: Threw
The baseball was thrown by the pitcher to the catcher.
Subject : Baseball
Prepositional Phrase: by the Pitcher
Action : Baseball received a throwing!

61. STAY ACTIVE
The passive voice DISCONNECTS. It robs your writing of energy.
The active voice is VIBRANT. It keeps things happening.

62. Recognizing the Passive Voice…
The performer is no longer the star of the sentence.
Passive voice sentences are built on some form of to be + the past participle of a verb that acts upon the subject.
ACTIVE: Matt kicked the ball.
PASSIVE: The ball was kicked by Matt.
The ball was kicked by Matt.

63. Turn Passive Voice into Active Voice
STEP ONE: Identify a passive verb sentence by looking for a verb form that consists of both the past participle and a form of to be that acts upon the subject.
Henry was selected by the ninth grade class to present their demands. Past Participle: selected + form of to be: was Both are acting on the sentence’s subject: Henry

64. Turn Passive Voice into Active Voice
STEP TWO: Locate the person or thing in the sentence performing the action. This noun will be part of a prepositional phrase (or absent from the sentence, but implied by the writer).
Henry was selected by the ninth grade class to present their demands.
The ninth grade performs the action.

65. Turn Passive Voice into Active Voice
STEP THREE: Convert the action-performing noun or the noun whose condition is displayed into the subject of your revised sentence.
Usually, the subject of the passive verb sentence becomes the object of the active voice sentence.
Henry was selected by the ninth grade class to present their demands.
The ninth grade class selected Henry to present their demands.

66. Passive Voice is necessary when…
#1 You do not know, or do not want to clearly reveal, the action performer.
For example:
Thunderstorms and hail had been forecast for the morning of the field trip.
Noises were made all over the house.
The swim meet had been postponed.
The day has been ruined.

67. Passive Voice is necessary when…
#2 The person or thing receiving the action is more important than the one performing the action. You can use passive voice sentences to highlight the importance of the receiver.
For example:
The Queen of England was welcomed by all.
The class field trip was postponed.
The Kentucky Derby had been run by hundreds of horses.

68. Passive Voice is necessary when…
#3 If a sentence contains two verbs with the same subject, a shift of voice from active to passive, or passive to active, may be necessary to preserve the flow of the sentence.
For example: (Subject is the Rams)
The Rams won the championship game, and were awarded the League Trophy.

69. Option 3 doesn’t work when…
If changing voices also causes you to change subjects… well, that’s just confusing. For example: As we gazed at the horizon, the sailboats were seen against the setting sun. This one is better if the active voice is maintained: As we gazed at the horizon, we saw the sailboats against the setting sun.

70. EXAMINE YOUR ESSAY
Take a look at your essay. Look carefully at your verbs to help you determine if you have passive voice sentences.
If you find them, change them.

71. Credits
Moore, Dinty W. Crafting The Personal Essay, A Guide for Writing and Publishing Creative Nonfiction. Writer’s Digest Books/Cincinnati, OH
Strausser, Jeffrey. Painless Writing. Barron’s Educational Series, Inc. / New York, NY