Restore, Rekindle, Renew Enrichment A Weekly Presentation of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend Welcome to Session 4! Have this slide up as people.

Restore, Rekindle, Renew Enrichment A Weekly Presentation of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend Welcome to Session 4! Have this slide up as people are arriving

Recap of Last Session Stages of romance, disillusionment, and joy
The married singles lifestyle How we listen to one another Learned how to listen with our heart Recap of Previous Session (press space bar to bring up each bullet point) We looked at the stages of romance, disillusionment and joy in our couple relationship. This might have been eye opening to see how our relationship has fallen into the married singles lifestyle. We then looked at how we listen to one another and learned how to listen to our spouse with our heart.

Question and Answer Box
II. Q & A How has your week gone? What new things have you learned? What questions do you have? (include Question box)

Along the Journey III. Introduction to Session 4
We are well on our way in our journey to the mountain top! By now hopefully you have worked out the aches from last weeks climb and stretched by practicing your listening skills We are now ready to go a little further. We are going to help you look at how best to handle the difficult topics. We then will be up high enough to start seeing the beautiful view. God has a plan for us – let’s see what that is.

Areas for Reaching Out to Each Other
III. Introduction to Session 4 C. Intro & Opening Prayer State: This presentation is titled "Areas for Reaching Out to Each Other". It can be found on page _____ of the workbook. Opening prayer: Suggested wording: Gracious and loving God, help us to recognize that we can grow in love by opening ourselves to communicate with our spouse in sensitive areas. Help us to listen with our hearts and accept each other’s feelings, so that our relationship can become even more intimate. Amen.

Communicating in Sensitive Areas
Areas for Reaching Out Communicating in Sensitive Areas IV. Reasons we avoid communicating in sensitive areas and effects on our relationship (Total time: 1 min. 30 sec.) (H or W: A&B, 1 min. 30 sec.) We all have sensitive areas in which we avoid communicating B. Why and effects 1. Because of who I am 2. Describe effects on your relationship

Ways We React to Each Other’s Feelings
Areas for Reaching Out Ways We React to Each Other’s Feelings 1. Rejection 2. Toleration V. Three typical ways we might react to each other’s feelings (3min) (press space bar to bring up each bullet point) Suggested transition statement: There are three typical ways we might react to our spouse when they share their feelings: rejection, toleration and acceptance. 3. Acceptance

Sharing When We Are Vulnerable
Areas for Reaching Out Sharing When We Are Vulnerable VI. Tell the story of our journey to accept one another through sharing in an area of our relationship where we were vulnerable (H/W/P 3 min each) A. Name the area and describe how and why you avoid talking about this area. (30 sec) B. Name the feeling and describe it in detail (1 min) C. Briefly summarize your verbal dialogue focusing on the acceptance and the resulting intimacy (1 min 30 sec)

Non-verbal Communication:
Areas for Reaching Out Non-verbal Communication: VII. Non-verbal communication - Define and expand (Total time: 1 min 30 sec) (P: A-D, 1 min 30 sec) A. Non-verbal communication is 55% of our communication. B. Non-verbals don't lie, but they can be misunderstood. C. Intensity is often better expressed with non-verbals. D. Give examples of non-verbal communication by referring to non-verbals talked about in the couple's dialogue sharings in IV.

Being Separated By Death
Areas for Reaching Out Being Separated By Death VIII. Tell the story of our journey to accept one another in our feelings about being separated by death (Total time: 9 min 30 sec) (H+W: A-D, 8 min 30 sec; H or W: E, 1 min) A. State the area and describe how and why you avoid talking about being separated by death. (1 min each) Suggested wording: Another area we avoid talking about is being separated by death. B. Why did you decide to dialogue on being separated by death? (45 sec each) C. Read your love letters. (1 min 30 sec each) D. Share your verbal dialogue and its effects. (H+W: 2 min) E. Point out how important it is to live and love more now, before it is too late. (H or W: 1 min)

Areas for Reaching Out IX. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process (Total time: 3 min 30 sec) (P: A & B, 3 min 30 sec) Reflect on how the couple used the dialogue process to grow in intimacy and how they were able to reach this depth of communication. Suggested wording: You have just experienced <Joe and Mary> sharing in several areas that have been difficult for them to talk about – sex, finances and death. Sharing their feelings in these particularly difficult areas did not cause conflict or tension. In fact, it brought them closer to each other. Did you hear how vividly <Joe and Mary> shared their feelings with each other using all of their five senses? They did not try to justify or rationalize their feelings; they simply shared them and described them. They did not judge each other’s feelings; there was no defensiveness. Did you also notice how their dialogue stayed focused on the feelings that they shared and not on the issue itself? Perhaps it struck you, as it struck me, that both <Joe and Mary> made a decision to love in these dialogues. Even agreeing to dialogue on these questions was a decision to love! Yet they made that decision because they wanted to grow in intimacy. Then they moved beyond their barriers to simply listen to their beloved. The acceptance and resulting intimacy between them happened because of the use of the dialogue technique.

Areas for Reaching Out Review of Dialogue Process Write Exchange
Verbal dialogue – only dialogue on the feeling. Acceptance is the key. Be sensitive to each other’s feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. Consider using “Possible Questions for Verbal Dialogue” from workbook. IX. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process (Total time: 3 min 30 sec) (P: A & B, 3 min 30 sec) B. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process (press space bar to bring up each bullet point) 1. Writing – self-disclosure through feelings 2. Exchange 3. Dialogue – reinforce acceptance

Areas for Reaching Out Topics/Behaviors that do not belong in dialogue
Confessional material Saying negative things about your spouse Making blunt/cruel comments; then excusing yourself by saying you are just being honest Garbage dumping IX. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process (Total time: 3 min 30 sec) (P: A & B, 3 min 30 sec) B. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process (press space bar to bring up each bullet point) 4. Topics or behaviors that do not belong in dialogue Manipulating Problem-solving

Symptoms of Disillusionment Sheet
Areas for Reaching Out Symptoms of Disillusionment Sheet Review list Check all areas where you think you have difficulty communicating Choose an area in which you have strong feelings Write love letter focusing on feelings Remember it’s a love letter IX. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process (Total time: 3 min 30 sec) (P: A & B, 3 min 30 sec) B. Briefly reinforce the dialogue process 5. Worksheets for dialogue (as in workbook): Areas for Reaching Out to Each Other Priest explains the question in the workbook, including reading the directions as is. Instructions: First you will separate to write, then . . . 1. Review the list below and check all the areas where you think you have difficulty communicating. 2. Choose an area in which you have strong feelings. 3. Write a love letter mentioning the area, but focusing on your feeling. 4. Describe the feelings as fully as possible, remembering that the love letter is about you and your feeling and not about the area. Leave this slide up during Dialogue time

God’s Desire for Marriage
I. Introduction and opening prayer (W: 30 sec) State: This presentation is titled "God’s Desire for Marriage". It can be found on page _____ of the workbook. Opening prayer: Suggested wording: Heavenly Father, in our marriage relationship we have a glimpse of Your great love for us. Give us a burning desire for each other. Help us to recognize that our deepest longing as husband and wife is to live in a loving relationship. May we come to see how much You long for us to experience the joy of unity so Your love can be revealed to everyone around us.

True Happiness? II. Living intimately and responsibly (Total time: 7 min 30 sec) A. All of us long for happiness (One spouse: 1 min 30 sec) 1. Society and the media propose various ways to find happiness

True Happiness? II A 2. True happiness results from the unity that comes from living intimately and responsibly Transition with a sentence such as: True happiness comes from making “we” choices.

Unity Unity is the true happiness that comes from the intimacy that God calls us to in our relationship. II B. Unity (Other spouse: 1 min 30 sec) Suggested wording: – personalize with your spouse’s name making sure to communicate your joy: God’s desire for us is unity, because when we are one, we are the best couple we can be. Unity is oneness of mind and heart. Unity makes us more than we are as individuals. We don’t lose our separate identities and become dependent on each other, rather, we are interdependent by choice. It is not the same as uniformity or expecting (my spouse) to be exactly like me. We won’t agree on everything. Our differences add to our uniqueness as a couple and enrich our oneness. When I love (my spouse) as the unique person God created him/her to be, (my spouse) becomes even more fully the person s/he was created to be. And when (my spouse) loves me for who I am, I can reach my full potential. By bringing out the best in each other, we become a better couple. Unity does not require us to be joined at the hip. When we live in an intimate, responsible way I feel more confident out in the world even when I’m not with (my spouse). I carry with me the peace and confidence of our relationship. I stand taller and feel happier because of the bond between us. Our unity calls both of us to take 100% responsibility for becoming the best couple we can be. We are fully invested in each other. The beautiful thing about our unity is that it’s bigger than both of us and it allows us to embrace a much greater measure of joy than we ever thought possible.

Living Intimately and Responsibly II C. Give examples of choices I am making to attempt to live a more intimate and responsible relationship (H+W+P: 1 min each) Suggested transition: We achieve this beautiful unity that God desires for us by living intimately and responsibly.

Forgiveness and Healing II D. Forgiveness and healing are a part of living intimately and responsibly (H or W: 1 min 30 sec) Suggested wording: As great as it is to live this intimate lifestyle, it makes us more vulnerable to being hurt. This should not hold us back, however, because forgiveness and healing are a necessary part of living intimately and responsibly and can lead us to even greater joy.

God’s desire for marriage is for us to be the best couple we can be “That is why a man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. The man and his wife were both naked, yet they felt no shame.” Genesis 2:24-25 III. God's desire for marriage is for us to be the best couple we can be. (H or W: 1 min 30 sec) A. Read as is: “God’s desire for marriage is for us to be the best couple we can be.” You have heard our examples of living intimately and responsibly. Now let's listen to what God’s Word tells us.” B. Read Genesis 2:24-25 and comment on context/reading That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. The man and his wife were both naked, yet they felt no shame. 1. Gen. 2:24 – Responsible 2. Gen. 2: 25 - Intimate

God Reveals Himself Through the Love of a Couple “Then God said: “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle, and over all the wild animals and all the creatures that crawl on the ground.” God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:26-27 IV. God reveals Himself through the love of a couple (P: 3 min 30 sec) IV A. Read Genesis 1:26-27 Read as is: Then God said: “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle, and over all the wild animals and all the creatures that crawl on the ground.” God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them.

God Reveals Himself Through the Love of a Couple IV B. It is through the couple's love for each other that we can come to know and understand that God is Love for all of us. Suggested wording: God created male and female in His image so that in their love, they can reflect His love. Married couples are called to be the living, breathing image and likeness of God. God is three persons in a love relationship: the Holy Trinity. Husband and wife are likewise united in a love relationship. St. John writes, "He who loves, knows God." When couples strive to live God’s desire for their marriage and love each other unconditionally, as God loves all of us, they are one of the beautiful, visible, tangible ways that He makes Himself present in the world. People who have never known God in their lives can experience Him through the love of a couple – and a couple can experience God in the love they have for each other. IV C. Priest shares his awareness of the holiness of couples

Marriage is an Extraordinary Vocation or Way of Life V. To be married is an extraordinary vocation/way of life (Total time: 10 min ) A. Transition (H or W: 1 min) Suggested wording: We realize now that to be married really is an extraordinary way of life! We have been called by God to this vocation of marriage so that His love can be revealed. This is not a burden to weigh us down, but rather a joy to lift us up. This awareness brings an urgency to follow God’s desire to be the best couple we can be. We’re no longer willing to settle for the average and the ordinary; we choose to strive for intimacy and unity. Now we’re going to give you a sample of the extraordinary fulfillment we experience in our marriage when we live our vocation as God desires. Listen as we share this dialogue about a recent time when we experienced intimacy.

Dialogue Sharing on Intimacy V B. Share a dialogue on the question “Name a time when I experienced intimacy with you. What is my strongest feeling as I RECALL that time now?” (H + W: 6 min total) 1. Read letters 2. Summarize dialogue and share effects

Striving for Intimacy V C. Share examples of the effects we experience when we strive for intimacy (H+W+P: Total time: 3 min) Suggested transition statement (personalize with the name of your spouse): God’s desire for our marriage is attainable when we take responsibility for the quality of our relationship. When ____ and I strive for intimacy through dialogues like this one, we see positive effects in every aspect of our lives together. Sexually (H or W: 1 min) Spiritually (Other spouse: 1 min) Emotionally (P: 1 min)

God’s Way vs. the World’s Way VI. The call to make a conscious choice between the world's way or God's desire for our marriage (H or W: 1 min.)

Questions Couples: Name a time when I experienced intimacy with my spouse. What are my feelings as I recall that time now? Priest: Name a time when I experienced openness with persons close to me. What are my feelings as I recall that time now? VI. Dialogue Question: Couples: Name a time when I experienced intimacy with you. What is my strongest feeling as I recall that time now? Priest/Religious: Name a time when I experienced openness with persons close to me. What is my strongest feeling as I recall that time now? Writing time: 15 minutes Dialogue time: 20 minutes Wives stay in the conference room to write.

The Journey Ahead VII. Wrap-up and Motivation
A. Tonight we had a mix of the difficult with the good news. We hope that you are seeing how worthwhile this journey is. The journey sure is easier having unloaded garbage from our back pack. You are over half way there – the trip should be getting easier now, and maybe you even feel energized.

Take Home Dialogue Questions
Describe in loving detail (DILD). How do I feel about that (HDIFAT)? How do I feel telling you this (HDIFTYT)? How do I feel about my answer (HDIFAMA)? VII. Wrap-up and Motivation B. Don’t forget about your take home dialogue questions. How do I feel sharing this with you (HDIFSTWY)?

Mission Possible VII. Wrap-up and Motivation
B. We have your Mission Possible and DQ’s. We’d also like to suggest that, in addition to your usual “Act,” have a date night some time in the next week. Not a movie, but do something where you can talk.

Seven Steps to Couple Prayer
Each person pray aloud briefly, side-by-side, asking God for help for friends. VII. Wrap-up and Motivation B. … and Step 4 of your Seven Steps to Couple Prayer is: Each person pray aloud briefly, side by side asking God for help for friends.

We Are Here for You VII. Wrap-up and Motivation
C. Remember we are here for you and want to hear from you during the week. Let us know if you are having struggles or need support.

Invitation for Deeper Intimacy
VII. Wrap-up and Motivation D. Invitation to Deeper Intimacy (a meditation) (2 min.) Read slowly, meditatively… Before we wrap up tonight, have a look at this photo. Imagine yourself in this slot canyon It is silent, and there is a sense of being far removed…even protected… from the world above. As you walk, your footsteps are quiet in the cool sand. The air smells fresh and unpolluted. As you follow the path, you move in and out of light. You let your fingertips lightly glide along the canyon walls, which feel smooth but solid. You can imagine the years it took to form them. Can you perceive the beauty of God’s creation here? What do you think you’ll discover around the next turn? This slot canyon is like your relationship. You two are a safe haven for each other – you protect each other, you are there for each other. No matter what goes on in the world around you, you are walking together down the same path. As you explore each other’s minds and hearts, you discover new things around every turn. You are becoming more and more aware of how beautifully crafted your spouse is. God made you for each other. Can you sense the beauty of God’s creation in each other? In your relationship? What do you think your future together holds? We invite you to a deeper intimacy with each other. A deeper intimacy than those conversations you had when you first met, a deeper intimacy than you’ve even achieved during this enrichment. We invite you to dig deep with each other. Continue your journey at home, as you dialogue, as you pray together, as you romance each other. There are many ways to deepen your intimacy. Explore them all, and relish the joy it brings to your life together.

Next Time… Put into practice what you’ve learned so far
Spend more time on dialogue & how it can be a lifelong support for your marriage VII. Wrap-up and Motivation E. Next week will be a great opportunity to put into practice what you’ve learned so far. We will also spend a little more time on the topic of dialogue and how this tool can be a lifelong support for your marriage. We will see you next week!

Restore, Rekindle, Renew Enrichment A Weekly Presentation of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend Welcome to Session 4! Have this slide up as people.

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Restore, Rekindle, Renew Enrichment A Weekly Presentation of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend Welcome to Session 4! Have this slide up as people.

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Presentation on theme: "Restore, Rekindle, Renew Enrichment A Weekly Presentation of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend Welcome to Session 4! Have this slide up as people."— Presentation transcript:

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