2. TEN WAYS TO MURDER YOUR PUMP
PACO

3. OVERWORK IT PACO BE A SLAVE DRIVER.
WORK IT CONTINUOUSLY AT HIGHER CAPACITIES, FLOWS, HEADS, OR SPEEDS THAN ORIGINALLY SPECIFIED OR ORDERED FOR.
THE PUMP WILL ONE DAY DIE OF A BROKEN SHAFT OR A BURNED OUT BEARING.
PACO

4. STARVE IT PACO NEVER GIVE THE GREASE CUP A GOOD TURN.
NEVER GREASE OR OIL.
(TO A SADIST AN EMPTY OIL CUP OR OILER IS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT.)
YOU’LL BE REWARDED BY THOSE BEARINGS STARVING TO DEATH IN SHORT ORDER.
PACO

5. CHOKE IT PACO MAKE SURE NPSH(A) IS LESS THAN NPSH(R).
YOU CAN CHOKE YOUR PUMP IN THREE WAYS:
LOWER THE WATER LEVEL IN THE SUMP.
LET THE SUCTION STRAINER CLOG, AND NEVER CLEAN IT.
LET THE TEMPERATURE OF FLUID RISE WITHOUT RAISING THE SUCTION PRESSURE.
(YOU’LL BE REWARDED BY HEARING THE PUMP COMPLAIN MUSIC TO YOUR EARS?)
FOR MORE FUN, IGNORE THE COMPLAINT, AND YOU’LL SOON HAVE ERODED IMPELLER VANES, WHICH SHOULD REALLY WARM YOUR HEART.

6. FRY IT
OPERATE IT AT SHUTOFF FOR A LONG TIME, AND MAKE SURE THE BYPASS LINE IS CLOSED TIGHT.
ALL THAT EXPENSIVE POWER IS CONVERTED TO HEAT. YOU’LL HAVE A LOVELY HOT PUMP IN NO TIME.
AS AN ADDED BONUS, ALL THE LIQUID WILL BE FLASHING TO VAPOR IN THE SUCTION AREAS.
(DON’T MISS THE EXCITEMENT BY CRACKING A DISCHARGE VALVE OR OPENING THE BYPASS.... JUST LET IT KEEP FRYING.)
PACO

7. POISON IT
TO POISON THE PUMP, JUST CHANGE THE FLUID YOU’RE PUMPING WITHOUT CHECKING WITH THE MANUFACTURER. ADD CHEMICALS.
WITH A LITTLE LUCK, YOU’LL HIT ON JUST THE RIGHT CHEMICAL TO INITIATE CORROSIVE ACTION, AND YOU’LL BE REWARDED WITH THE MAGICAL FEELING OF CONVERTING A WELL ENGINEERED PIECE OF MACHINERY INTO A PIECE OF SWISS CHEESE--- COMPLETE WITH ALL THE HOLES.
PACO

8. STAB IT PACO (THE DARN THINGS JUST CLOG UP ANYWAY.)
YOUR PUMP IS MADE OF METAL, SO NOTHING CAN HARM IT. GO AHEAD, REMOVE THE SUCTION STRAINERS.
(THE DARN THINGS JUST CLOG UP ANYWAY.)
PUT PLENTY OF GRIT, SAND, SCALE AND THE LIKE INTO THE FLUID.
IT’S MORE FUN THAN SHOOTING BUCKSHOT AT YOUR NEW CAR.
PACO

9. BREAK ITS LIMBS
ONE POPULAR METHOD IS TO IMPOSE HEAVY PIPING LOADS ON THE SUCTION AND DISCHARGE NOZZLE, EITHER THROUGH INITIAL MISALIGNMENT OR THROUGH THERMAL EXPANSION.
IF THE PIPING AND PUMP FLANGES DON’T MEET, JUST USE A BLOCK AND TACKLE TO PULL THEM INTO PLACE .
( IF YOU’RE LUCKY ENOUGH, YOU MY EVEN WRENCH THE PUMP CLEAR OFF ITS BASEPLATE.)
(OR, ALTERNATELY, INCREASE THE SUCTION PRESSURE OVER THE PUMP’S RATING, TO BREAK BOLTS AND PERHAPS SPLIT THE CASING.)
PACO

10. PACO
SHAKE IT TO PIECES
FOR A SLOWER DEATH, WHY NOT TRY SHAKING YOUR PUMP TO DEATH?
IT’S EASY--- JUST MISALIGN IT AT THE COUPLING. THIS WILL SUBJECT THE SHAFT, SEALS, AND BEARINGS TO ALTERNATING FORCES THAT’LL SLOWLY BUT SURELY SHAKE IT APART.
THIS CAN BE ACHIEVED IN A COUPLE OF WAYS:
DON’T ALIGN IT AT INSTALLATION.
-OR-
INSTALL IT ON A FLIMSY FOUNDATION. (THIS’LL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOUR PUMP TO MOVE OUT OF PLACE AND SHAKE ITSELF TO A FRAZZLE.)

11. DROWN IT
LET’S ASSUME YOU HAVE A PACKED BOX, WITH A DRAIN FOR THE GLAND LEAKAGE. IT’S EASY ENOUGH TO PLUG THE DRAIN. (A FAVORITE METHOD IS TO STUFF A CIGARETTE BUTT INTO IT, BUT GUM OR PAPER WORK EQUALLY WELL.)
OR, YOU CAN REMOVE THE WATER SHIELD.
OR, LINE UP THE SPLITS ON THE PACKING RINGS.
JUST MAKE SURE ITS EASY FOR WATER TO GET TO THE BEARINGS, AND YOU CAN PAINLESSLY DROWN YOUR PUMP. (PAINLESS FOR YOU, BUT NOT FOR YOUR PUMP.)
PACO

12. NEGLECT MEDICAL CHECKUPS
THIS IS THE FINAL WAY TO MURDER YOUR PUMP. IT’S NOT QUICK, BUT IT WORKS WELL.
IGNORE THE MANUFACTURER’S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR “CHECK-UPS”
DON’T CHECK PACKING, GASKETS, O-RINGS, OR OTHER SMALL PARTS.
DON’T EVER REPAINT IT, OR LUBRICATE THE COUPLING IF CALLED FOR.
DON’T CHECK VIBRATION, OR IF YOU DO, IGNORE THE DOCTOR’S ADVISE.
JUST LET THE PUMP DIE SLOWLY.
PACO

13. CONGRATULATIONS PACO YOU NOW HAVE 10 PROVEN WAYS TO KILL YOUR PUMP.
YOU DON’T EVEN NEED A HUNTING LICENSE.
YOU CAN HANG YOUR TROPHY, WHICH WILL BE A PURCHASE ORDER FOR A NEW PUMP OR MAJOR REPAIR, RIGHT WHERE IT BELONGS, RIGHT OVER YOUR DESK.
PACO