1. Day #5 of 8 What is grief? Part 2
April 29, 2016
Day #5 of 8 What is grief? Part 2
Roster:
Handouts:
Please verify your information and put a checkmark next to your name or add your name.
Please pick up a copy of today’s handouts.

2. The Psychology of Love & Loss “What is Grief?” Part 2 Day #5 of 8
Loss & Change: The impact on one’s identity (John Stephenson & Erik Erickson)
The effects of life-change related stress (Thomas Holmes & Richard Rahe)

3. John Stephenson: Phases of Grief Erik Erikson: Identity Formation
Readjustment Due to Loss of & Change in a relationship: The Impact on One’s Identity
John Stephenson: Phases of Grief
Erik Erikson: Identity Formation

4. John Stephenson’s Phases of Grief
Reaction
Disorganization & Reorganization
Reorientation & Recovery

5. REACTION Shock Numbness
Bewilderment in particular to the news and in general to the universe
Crying
Strong and quick mood shifts

6. DISORGANIZATION & REORGANIZATION
Despair
Unfocused thoughts
Former patterns of behavior examined, abandoned, changed
Loss of a sense of self, loss of one’s identity, loss of one’s mind

7. REORIENTATION & RECOVERY
Activities are reorganized
A change in the relationship with the deceased
New avenues for creative living
A new identity independent of the relationship once had with the deceased

8. Erikson’s Two-Part Identity Formation
Crisis: actively exploring alternative ways of being
Commitment: selecting one way as part of one’s identity and excluding all others

9. Erikson’s Two-Part Identity Formation
Identity Status
Crisis
Commitment
Diffused No
Foreclosed
Yes
Moratorium
Achieved

10. Reaction & Disorganization
ERIKSON & STEPHENSON
Identity Status
Crisis
Commitment
Diffused
Reaction & Disorganization
Foreclosed
Reaction
Moratorium
Reorganization
Achieved
Recovery

11. # of times in the one year
OUR “NO HOMEWORK”
Review one year of your life in terms of
Holmes & Rahe’s 43-item Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS)
Life Change Event
# of times in the one year
X the LCU’s
Retirement
X 45
Change in health of family member
X 44
Pregnancy
X 40
Gain of a new family member
X 39
Business readjustments
…and the camel’s back, next.

13. The Autonomic Nervous System
Parasympathetic Branch
Sympathetic Branch
Relaxed & Safe (response to the old/familiar)
Exhale
Adapted/Habituated
Conserve energy (Sleep/Feed & Breed)
Lower levels of cortisol
Excited & On Alert (response to the new/unfamiliar)
Inhale
Novelty Effect – Orienting
Burn energy (Fight/Flight & Freeze)
Higher levels of cortisol

15. Sleep & Acetaminophen
Why Sleep Is Important for Health - A Psychoneuroimmunology Perspective The Common Pain of Surrealism and Death – Acetaminophen Reduces Compensatory Affirmation Following Meaning Threats

16. The Response of others
The response of others affects the sense of loss.
…not always for the better

18. The Response of others

19. The Response of others

20. The Narcissistic Response
The Response of others
The Narcissistic Response

21. …from The Los Angeles Times Sunday, April 7, 2013 Page: A26
“Ring Theory”
…from The Los Angeles Times Sunday, April 7, 2013 Page: A26
Ring Theory: How not to do the wrong thing
Los Angeles Times page-A26

22. True friends of Person X A significant other to Person X
Lookie Loos
“Ring Theory”
Colleagues of Person X
True friends of Person X
Comfort IN
A significant other to Person X
Dump OUT
Person X The one who is suffering
The outter rings get to offer Comfort IN
to the inner rings
The inner rings get to Dump OUT to the outter rings

24. Three Books from our list

25. Stephenson, J.S. (1985). Death, grief, and mourning: Individual and social realities. New York: Free Press.
This work is the primary resource for information regarding the phases of grief, and these three phases take up only 10 of the 290 pages. John addresses the topics of death, grief and mourning with reference to academic research, diverse theories, literary descriptions, and first person accounts. This is a weighty work, but accessible, and it offers the type of understanding that increases acceptance.

26. Kelly, L. (2000). Don't ask for the dead man's golf clubs: What to do and say (and what not to) when a friend loses a loved one. New York: Workman Publishing Company.
The title of this one allows you to reliably judge this book by its cover. Lynn has done a great service with this work – a copy of which I once loaned out, and I trust it is still changing hands somewhere even today. One woman whose husband had recently died found this book to be a great comfort in coming to terms with some of the distressing visits she received.

27. Haugk, K.C. (2004). Don’t sing songs to a heavy heart: How to relate to those who are suffering. St. Louis: Stephen Ministries. Drawing on his own life experience and his research with over 4,000 who have suffered, Kenneth provides a variety of well-supported specific suggestions about what to say or do—and what not to say or do.

28. Our next class is Tuesday, May 3rd.
A reminder…
Our next class is Tuesday, May 3rd.

29. May all our hearts enjoy the benefit of tender loving care.
The End.