1. Realistic Revision: It’s not Rocket Science
Betsy McQueen
Ozarks Writing Project Teacher Consultant
Buchanan Intermediate Literacy Coach
Revision Practice -
Inspired by Kate Messner

2. What is your favorite place to be. A special Place. A sacred place
What is your favorite place to be? A special Place? A sacred place? Picture that in your head...
Allow students think time. After they’ve had time to think, give them time to tell their shoulder partner about the favorite place. This is a verbal rehearsal for the writing. If possible, model the sharing with a student.

3. Write about your special place…
Spend about 5 minutes writing about the place you pictured. Don’t worry about describing in great detail… just a bare- bones paragraph will do.
For revision purposes, skip lines as you draft.
Teacher models on chart paper a paragraph. Some students may need more than 5 minutes. Once the initial discussion takes place and the model is shown/discussed, allow those who need more time to use their independent writing time to complete their paragraph. Allow students to share. .

4. Model Paragraph
I love the beach. From the time the sun comes up and people come along until the end of the day. Birds fly over the beach. People walk the beach. Kids play in the water and on the sand. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there but as night comes there are fewer kids. Adults come to the beach after work. People build bonfires and listen to music once the sun goes down. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
With your own paragraph model reading it aloud once finished. “Good writers always reread their writing.”

5. first revision - repetition
Sample Mentor Texts:
When I was Young in the Mountains by Cynthia Rylant
Over and Under the Snow by Kate Messner
Up North at the Cabin by Marsha Wilson Chall
Saturdays and Teacakes by Lester Laminack
Over in the Meadow by Ezra Jack Keats
Read a mentor text to students that has repetition. List some repetitive phrases the author uses on AC.

6. Repetition
I love the beach. As the sun comes up and people come along, until the end of the day. Birds fly over the beach. People walk the beach. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there but as night comes there are fewer kids. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, people build bonfires and listen to music once the sun goes down. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
So I thought about the type of repetitive phrase I could include. The best time at the beach is when it’s sunny. So how could I use Reread original passage before adding. Think aloud as you add in your own repetitive phrase.

7. Adding in Repetition
Go back to your barebones paragraph about your special place. What type of repetitive phrase could you start with?
Do any examples from our mentor texts work with your favorite place?
Revise your paragraph about your favorite place by adding in a repetitive phrase at the beginning and when you’re making transitions.
Spend 3 minutes adding in a repetitive phrase.
If possible, have students look in independent books for repetitive phrases. Or, gather several texts with repetitive phrases and allow students to explore in books before generating a list.

8. Sensory Language - Smell words
Use a mentor text to look at how authors add in sensory language. Start with smell.
Start an anchor chart with phrases that might describe smell. Use examples from MT to begin list. Allow students to add to it.

9. Does your special place have any special smells?
“She had hot biscuits, sweet butter, and Golden Eagle syrup waiting on the kitchen table. Every Saturday she poured a little coffee in my cup and filled the rest with milk and two spoonfuls of sugar.”
Excerpt from Saturdays and Teacakes
Discuss the various smells in this passage. What does cotton candy smell like? Sweet - what else is sweet? County Fair, what smells might you find there?

10. Repetition
I love the beach. As the sun comes up and people come along, until the end of the day. Birds fly over the beach. People walk the beach. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there but as night comes there are fewer kids. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, people build bonfires and listen to music once the sun goes down. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
So I thought about the type of repetitive phrase I could include. The best time at the beach is when it’s sunny. So how could I use Reread original passage before adding. Think aloud as you add in your own repetitive phrase.

11. Adding in Smell Words and Phrases
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Birds fly over the beach. People walk the beach. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there. Moms slather Coppertone with its coconutty scent all over their children. As night comes there are fewer kids. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, people build bonfires and listen to music once the sun goes down. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
Revise for three minutes.
Go to the sunbathe line. What smells could I add? How do fish smell? Could I add in a smell word with the bonfire line?

12. Adding in sound words For each new day: Revisit mentor texts used
List examples on an Anchor Chart
Elicit ideas from students
Model with your piece
Students revise

13. Adding in Sound Words
What sounds do you hear in your special place? Are there animal sounds, nature sounds, conversations?
“This was where my tires gave up their humming on pavement and began the crunching of gravel.”
Excerpt from Saturdays and Teacakes
What sounds are present in this passage?

14. Adding in Smell Words and Phrases
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Birds fly over the beach. People walk the beach. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there. Moms slather Coppertone with its coconutty scent all over their children. As night comes there are fewer kids. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, people build bonfires and listen to music once the sun goes down. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
Revise for three minutes.
Go to the sunbathe line. What smells could I add? How do fish smell? Could I add in a smell word with the bonfire line?

15. Sound Words
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Seagulls squawk in search of food. People walk the beach, their voices carried away by the wind. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Laughter and shouts abound. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish…. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, bonfires crackle and people listen to Pandora on their phones. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
Revise for three minutes
Reread as good writers do. Where could I add in things I might hear? Birds, people, kids, and fires all make noise. Where in your passage could you add sound words?

16. Feel or Touch Words Use Mentor texts, create anchor chart
Always provide opportunity for students to share their work and the revisions they’ve made
Honor the revision and celebrate each step

17. Feel or Touch Words
“Finally that old mower started and I struggled to push it through the dew-wet grass, leaving row after row of fresh stripes on the lawn.”
Excerpt from Saturdays and Teacakes

18. Add in feel or touch words
What is a feeling you have in your special place? Help your reader know how your special places feels or things you might touch there.
Spend 3 minutes and add in one or two things you feel or touch.

19. Sound Words
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Seagulls squawk in search of food. People walk the beach, their voices carried away by the wind. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Laughter and shouts abound. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish…. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, bonfires crackle and people listen to Pandora on their phones. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
Revise for three minutes
Reread as good writers do. Where could I add in things I might hear? Birds, people, kids, and fires all make noise. Where in your passage could you add sound words?

20. Touch/Feel
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Seagulls squawk in search of food. People walk the beach, couples walking hand in hand with flip-flops slung over their shoulders, voices carried away by the wind. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Laughter and shouts abound as shovels and pails appear so little ones can mold the wet sand before a wave wipes it clean. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there. Moms slather Coppertone with its coconutty scent all over their children. As night comes there are fewer kids. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, bonfires crackle and people listen to Pandora on their phones. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.

21. Taste
Is there anything you might taste in your special place?

22. Think about your special Place
Are there any special tastes? How can you describe them?
“Every Saturday she had hot biscuits, sweet butter, and Golden Eagle Syrup waiting on the kitchen table. Every Saturday she poured a little coffee in my cup and filled the rest with milk and two spoonfuls of sugar.”
Excerpt from Saturdays and Teacakes

23. Touch/Feel
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Seagulls squawk in search of food. People walk the beach, couples walking hand in hand with flip-flops slung over their shoulders, voices carried away by the wind. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Laughter and shouts abound as shovels and pails appear so little ones can mold the wet sand before a wave wipes it clean. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there. Moms slather Coppertone with its coconutty scent all over their children. As night comes there are fewer kids. As the sun starts to dip, adults come to the beach after work. As the sun sets, bonfires crackle and people listen to Pandora on their phones. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.

24. What tastes can you add?
Spend 3 minutes and add in at least one thing you might taste in your special place.
As the sun comes up people come along, until the end of the day. Seagulls squawk in search of food. People walk the beach, couples walking hand in hand with flip-flops slung over their shoulders, voices carried away by the wind. As the sun climbs kids play in the water and on the sand. Laughter and shouts abound as shovels and pails appear so little ones can mold the wet sand before a wave wipes it clean. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there. Moms slather Coppertone with its coconutty scent all over their children. As the sun starts to dip, families are replaced by the work crowd, out to unwind after a long day at the office. Soda and hotdogs fill the coolers. Beach chairs replace towels and umbrellas. And the shovels get larger as pits are dug into sand for a bonfire. As the sun sets, bonfires crackle and people listen to Pandora on their phones. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.

25. Precise Language
Look for examples of precise language in mentor texts.
Generate a list of things on an AC that students could write.
Coke for soda, Snickers for candy, Nikes for tennis shoes, etc.

26. Adding Precise Language
“Pedal, pedal, pedal, across Ross Street. Then left for a slow coast down behind the Bank of Heflin, where I turned right onto Bedwell and whoosh! I zoomed downhill as fast as I dared.”
Excerpt from Saturdays and Teacakes

27. Precise Language The coconutty scent of Coppertone...
...maybe even a tiger shark lounging close to shore.
Wood from the local 7 Eleven appears...
Shrieks are replaced by quiet conversation and Pandora playing “Desperado.”
Where can you add precise language in your writing? Spend three minutes and try to add one precise word of phrase.

28. Personification Look for examples of personification in mentor texts.
Barn Dance by Bill Martin Jr.
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Shrek by William Steig
Tough Cookie by David Wisniewski

29. Adding Personification
“The scarecrow tucked the fiddle underneath his chin
An’fiddled out a welcome to all his country kin.
He fiddled through the wood ‘n fields ‘n all aroun’ the farm,
Biddin’ ever’body come to a hoedown in the barn.”
Excerpt from Barn Dance

30. Adding Personification
As the sun peeks its head over the horizon the beach is waking up...
...the smell of their bait captured and shared …
...maybe even a tiger shark lounging in the shallows.
Can you give any object human characteristics? Spend three minutes by revising one thing to demonstrate personification.

31. Model Paragraph
I love the beach. From the time the sun comes up and people come along until the end of the day. Birds fly over the beach. People walk the beach. Kids play in the water and on the sand. Some people sunbathe while others like to fish. During the day many families are there but as night comes there are fewer kids. Adults come to the beach after work. People build bonfires and listen to music once the sun goes down. It’s peaceful during all parts of the day.
With your own paragraph model reading it aloud once finished. “Good writers always reread their writing.”

32. As the sun peeks its head over the horizon the beach is waking up
As the sun peeks its head over the horizon the beach is waking up. As the sun stretches across the water Seagulls squawk in search of food. Lone beachcombers hunt for treasure, up and down the beach. Couples walk hand in hand, their flip flops slung across shoulders, snatches of conversation carried by the sea breeze.
As the sun climbs a little higher warmth spreads as families emerge with bags and towels and coolers and umbrellas and wave boards - gathering near the shore. Laughter and shouts abound as shovels and pails appear so little ones can mold the wet sand before a wave wipes it clean.
The coconutty scent of Coppertone mixes with the salty spray. Voices carry across the wind. Giggles and shrieks carry over the sound of the surf, Frisbees sail through the air. More sunblock is slathered on as umbrellas unfurl and are planted in the white powder.
As the day wears on, fishermen wade in – just a little ways – the smell of their bait captured and shared on the breeze. They settle on the fringes of the swimming space - casting for the fish that linger close to shore- maybe even a tiger shark lounging in the shallows.

33. As the sun starts to dip, families are replaced by the work crowd, out to unwind after a long day at the office. Soda replaces water in the coolers. Beach chairs replace towels and umbrellas. And the shovels get larger as pits are dug into sand for a bonfire. Wood from the local 7 Eleven appears, and blankets are held up to block the gale-like wind from the flame, sparking the fire in the pit.
Darkness descends on the beach. Fires dot the sand, just out of reach of the ever present waves. The sky becomes a diamond studded velvety black. Shrieks are replaced by quiet conversation and Pandora playing “Desperado.” The tropical smell of sunblock is replaced by the sweet goodness of marshmallows and smoke. Beachcombers search by flashlight for crabs burrowing in the sand.
A sense of peace descends on the beach before it’s washed clean, waiting for the sun to rise again.