1. 1.1

2. SESSION 1
Parenting a
child with
special needs
1.2

3. PARENTS OF A CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS FACE PARTICULAR CHALLENGES
Standard parenting advice often doesn’t work.
Other people don’t understand what it’s like.
It’s easy to feel frustrated and isolated.
1.3

4. What ground rules do we want in this group to help it run smoothly?
GROUP AGREEMENT
What ground rules do we want in this group to help it run smoothly?
1.4

5. TIME OUT FOR PARENTS AIMS TO:
Increase your confidence in your skills and abilities to parent.
Help the relationship between you and your child to be even better than it is now.
Teach you skills to help raise your child’s self-esteem.
1.5

6. TIME OUT FOR PARENTS AIMS TO:
Help you work out the best way to effectively discipline your child.
Give you tools to help you in your relationship with your child’s other parent or carer and to encourage mutual support.
Provide you with greater support where you would like it.
1.6

7. SESSION PLAN What are special educational needs? Course outline.
Helping your child to reach their potential.
In for the long haul.
1.7

8. WHAT ARE SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS?
Difficulties that make it harder for a child to learn than for other children roughly their age. These can be mild, moderate or severe, temporary or long term.
A disability which hinders them from accessing standard educational facilities.
This term excludes additional needs where there are no education difficulties.
1.8a and 1.8b

9. WHAT ARE SPECIAL OR ADDITIONAL NEEDS?
Learning difficulties.
Emotional and behavioural difficulties.
Developmental disorders.
Speech and language problems.
Hearing or visual impairment.
Physical disabilities.
Medical conditions.
1.9a and 1.9b

10. JUGGLING ISSUES
1.10

11. TIME OUT FOR PARENTS – CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
Parenting a child with special needs.
Helping to raise your child’s self esteem.
Coping with feelings.
Understanding behaviour.
Managing behaviour.
Home and school issues.
The wider family.
1.11

12. What concerns would you like to deal with during the course?
YOUR CONCERNS
What concerns would you like to deal with during the course?
1.12

13. GETTING TO KNOW YOU! One of my strengths as a parent is …
One thing I love about my child is …
1.13

14. BREAK
1.14

15. HELPING YOUR CHILD REACH THEIR POTENTIAL
Can you think of one unexpected thing that your child has already achieved which surprised and pleased you?
1.15

16. HELPING YOUR CHILD REACH THEIR POTENTIAL
Acceptance is about not giving up – and it’s constant!
Invest energy into overcoming difficulties.
Don’t underestimate their potential.
Aim for them to be fully involved in society.
1.16

17. What do you do to keep yourself going?
IN FOR THE LONG HAUL
What do you do to keep yourself going?
1.17

18. TAKING TIME OUT FOR YOURSELF ISN’T SELFISH, IT’S SURVIVAL!
1.18

19. INVOLVING THE FAMILY Aim for a consistent approach.
Share your new ideas or discoveries with your partner or others who are involved in the caring.
Use this opportunity to strengthen family relationships.
1.19a and 1.19b

20. REFLECTION Today we have looked at: Made a group agreement
Looked at the aims of the course
Explored what SEN are
Looked at the course outline
Considered how to help our children reach their potential
Thought about being in it for the long haul
1.20

21. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK Do something nice for YOU!
Tell your child what you love about them.
1.21

22. We will look at helping build your child’s self-esteem.
NEXT WEEK
We will look at helping build your child’s self-esteem.
1.22

23. SESSION 2
Helping to build your child’s
self-esteem
2.1

24. SESSION PLAN What is self-esteem? The importance of play Special time
Finding something your child can achieve
Parenting styles
Meeting emotional needs
2.2

25. WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?
Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves deep inside.
The self-esteem of children with special needs is fragile and can be easily damaged.
They need:
To be encouraged
Someone to believe in them
To feel loved
To feel competent
2.3

26. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM?
Be their greatest fan!
Don’t ‘obsess’ about their special need.
Avoid discussing their needs in their presence.
Pick out specific behaviours and small achievements to praise.
2.4

27. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM?
Involve them as far as possible in the management of their condition.
Don’t compare them unfavourably with their brothers and sisters.
As far as possible, treat them the same as your other children.
Reassure them that they will always be loved.
2.5

28. SHOWING LOVE THROUGH THE SENSES
Love is communicated in many different ways … We can communicate love to children with more severe disabilities through the senses.
2.6

29. THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY
Play is a vital part of a child’s physical, emotional, social and brain development.
It increases:
Cognitive and language skills
Social skills
Creative skills and imagination
Manipulative and physical skills
Emotional development
2.7

30. STAGES OF PLAY
Solitary play
Parallel play
Cooperative play
2.8

31. SPECIAL TIME Let child choose what to play. Don’t interfere.
Occasionally comment.
Sometimes just sit quietly and enjoy.
Try playing by yourself if child is shy.
Observe what they’re doing.
Join in at their request.
2.9

32. PLANNING SPECIAL TIME Could you plan a special time?
How long do you think it should be?
How often?
What would your child like to play (or do)?
2.10

33. BREAK
2.11

34. FINDING SOMETHING YOUR CHILD CAN ACHIEVE
Boosts confidence.
Builds self-esteem.
2.12

35. FINDING SOMETHING YOUR CHILD CAN ACHIEVE
What does your child enjoy doing that you can encourage?
2.13

36. THERE ARE DIFFERENT RECOGNISED STYLES OF PARENTING
Permissive
Authoritarian
Assertive/authoritative
2.14

37. PERMISSIVE
2.15

38. AUTHORITARIAN
2.16

39. ASSERTIVE/AUTHORITATIVE
2.17

40. WHICH STYLE DO YOU MOST RELATE TO?
2.18

41. OVER-PROTECTIVENESS
Are there any dangers to being over-protective? Aim to strike a balance!
2.19

42. MEETING EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Attention
Acceptance
Appreciation
Encouragement
Affection
Respect
Support
Comfort
Approval
Security
2.20

43. MEETING CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Which need does your child particularly like to be met?
Think of two ways you could meet this need.
2.21

44. REFLECTION Today we have looked at: Last week’s focus for the week
What self-esteem is
The importance of play
Special time
Finding something your child can achieve
Parenting styles
Overprotectiveness
Meeting emotional needs
2.22

45. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK Have special time with your child.
Give overheard praise.
Meet one of your child’s emotional needs.
Read the article ‘Welcome to Holland’.
2.23

46. We will look at coping with feelings.
NEXT WEEK
We will look at coping with feelings.
2.24

47. SESSION 3
Coping with feelings
3.1

48. SESSION PLAN Labelling. Talking to your child about their condition.
Handling other people’s comments.
Emotional reactions.
Coping with feelings.
3.2

49. LABELLING
“We felt for a long time that something was wrong. It was a relief when someone put a name to it.” “Ben’s got ADHD so we can’t expect him to behave properly.”
3.3

50. THE PROS AND CONS OF LABELLING
When a child gets a diagnosis, they also get a ‘label’. What are the advantages of labelling? Are there any disadvantages?
3.4

51. TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THEIR CONDITION
Talk to them naturally and simply.
Explain it in a way that they will understand.
It benefits the whole family.
It helps prevent anxieties and isolation.
3.5a and 3.5b

52. HANDLING OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTS
How do you cope with other peoples comments about your child or their behaviour?
3.6a and 3.6b

53. HOW DOES YOUR CHILD COPE WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTS?
3.7a and 3.7b

54. BREAK
3.8

55. EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
“I didn’t want to talk about it with other people just after the diagnosis because doing that would mean that it was real – that it was true. I was struggling to accept that it was really true and not just a mistake the specialist had made.”
3.9

56. STAGES OF GRIEF Kubler-Ross
Description
Parent’s reaction
Denial
“It can’t be true!”
“They’ll grow out of it.”
“How could this have happened?”
Anger
“It isn’t fair this is happening.”
“This has spoilt my/our life.”
“How can God do this to me?”
3.10

57. STAGES OF GRIEF Kubler-Ross
Description
Parent’s reaction
Bargaining
“If my child gets well, I’ll devote the rest of my life to doing good.”
Grief
Begins to face what’s happening.
Has shattered dreams of having a ‘perfect child’.
Feels sad and vulnerable.
Acceptance
“This is the situation I’m in.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
3.11

58. ACCEPTING OUR FEELINGS
These feelings are normal.
They don’t make you a bad parent.
They are best acknowledged – not buried.
Other family members have feelings too and may be at different stage of acceptance.
3.12

59. Additional Needs Support Telephone befriending service: 029 2081 0800
CARE FOR THE FAMILY
Additional Needs Support Telephone befriending service:
3.13

60. REFLECTION Today we have looked at: Last week’s focus for the week
Labelling
Talking to your child about their condition
Handling other people’s comments
Emotional reactions
Coping with feelings
3.14

61. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK Tune in to your feelings.
Try and identify one emotion each day.
Tell someone how you feel (or write it down).
3.15

62. We will be looking at understanding behaviour.
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at understanding behaviour.
3.16

63. SESSION 4
Understanding behaviour
4.1

64. Understanding behaviour All behaviour has a goal
SESSION PLAN
Boundaries
House rules
Routines
Understanding behaviour
All behaviour has a goal
4.2

65. UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
ALL parents struggle with children’s behaviour.
This is more so if their child has special needs.
Having realistic expectations.
Why children behave the way they do.
4.3

66. BOUNDARIES
Parents may feel their child with special needs already has enough to cope with, so it’s kinder to let them behave how they like. Is this a good policy?
4.4

67. THE NEED FOR BOUNDARIES
When children know what is expected of them they feel:
Loved
Safe
Secure
4.5

68. What rules do you have or would like to have in your home?
HOUSE RULES
What rules do you have or would like to have in your home?
4.6

69. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
How realistic are your house rules for your special needs child?
How will this affect the other children?
Do you need to relax or adapt any?
4.7

70. ROUTINES What routines does your family have?
Routines give children a sense of security.
They make life easier for parents.
4.8

71. BREAK
4.9

72. UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
What is this child trying to communicate?
4.10a and 4.10b

73. UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
What is this child trying to communicate?
4.11a and 4.11b

74. CHILDREN ‘ACT OUT’ THEIR NEEDS AND FEELINGS
4.12

75. ALL BEHAVIOUR HAS A GOAL
4.13

76. ABC OF UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
A – Action What happened before behaviour occurred? B – Behaviour What exactly did the child do? C – Consequence What happened next?
4.14

77. WHAT WAS THE POSSIBLE GOAL BEHIND THE BEHAVIOUR?
4.15
Who wins?

78. WHAT WAS THE POSSIBLE GOAL BEHIND THE BEHAVIOUR?
4.16

79. BEHAVIOUR DETECTIVE
A. What happened just before the behaviour? B. What exactly did your child do? C. What happened next? What was their possible goal or need?
4.17

80. REFLECTION Today we have looked at: Last week’s focus for the week
Boundaries
House rules
Routines
Understanding behaviour
All behaviour has a goal
4.18

81. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK
Play detective this week – focus on one behaviour you want to tackle.
With the whole family – agree a few house rules to follow this week.
Encourage each other when you succeed.
4.19

82. We will be looking at managing behaviour.
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at managing behaviour.
4.20

83. SESSION 5
Managing behaviour
5.1

84. SESSION PLAN Managing behaviour. Triggers and patterns.
Principles of managing behaviour.
Rewarding behaviour.
The behaviour toolkit.
Troubleshooting.
Choices and consequences.
5.2

85. MANAGING OUR BEHAVIOUR
If we really want our child’s behaviour to change we have to change ours first.
5.3

86. MANAGING BEHAVIOUR Aim to: Speak in a calm, friendly way
Watch what you say
Treat them kindly
Give them time and attention
Try to understand the goals and needs behind their behaviour
Change is possible – but it takes time.
5.4

87. BEHAVIOUR DETECTIVE
What did you discover from the detective activity? Did you find any triggers or patterns to your child’s behaviour?
5.5

88. GIVE TIME AND ATTENTION
Remember from session 2 that:
Sometimes children act up because they are not getting enough attention.
It is good to have special time when possible.
5.6

89. AIM TO BE CONSISTENT
5.7

90. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY Make eye contact. Be aware of your tone of voice.
Give simple commands.
Explain calmly.
Check understanding.
5.8

91. PROMPTS Visual: show picture of tap.
Physical: put your hand over child’s hand to assist turning tap on.
Modelling: let them watch someone turning tap on and then copy.
Gesture: point to tap.
Verbal: “Turn on the tap.”
5.9

92. REWARDING BEHAVIOUR Behaviour that is noticed increases.
Behaviour that is ignored decreases.
5.10

93. What rewards does your child really appreciate?
5.11

94. PRAISE Children can’t get enough praise.
So that your child knows exactly what they have done, praise needs to be:
Specific
Accurate
Concrete
“I’m so pleased you gave Gran a nice hug.”
5.12

95. BREAK
5.13

96. THE BEHAVIOUR TOOL KIT
Tokens in a jar To encourage positive behaviour.
Star charts To encourage and help children do routine tasks.
Limited choices To encourage cooperation.
5.14

97. TROUBLESHOOTING Trial and error Ways to cope Know when to back off
Don’t go on a guilt trip
5.15

98. TROUBLESHOOTING Planned Ignoring Removing Distraction/humour Time out
Withdrawing privileges
Choices and consequences
5.16

99. CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES
5.17

100. PATIENCE AND PERSISTENCE!
Choose your battles.
Decide what behaviours you can afford to ignore.
Use distraction techniques.
5.18

101. REFLECTION Today we have looked at: Last week’s focus for the week
Managing behaviour
Triggers and patterns
Principles of managing behaviour
Rewarding behaviour
The behaviour toolkit
Troubleshooting
Choices and consequences
5.19

102. A behaviour you want to deal with. A specific strategy to try.
FOCUS FOR THE WEEK
A behaviour you want to deal with.
A specific strategy to try.
To use the rewards you have identified.
5.20

103. We will be looking at home and school.
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at home and school.
5.21

104. SESSION 6
Home and school
6.1

105. SESSION PLAN Home and school issues. Children’s services.
Rights and responsibilities.
Provision for special educational needs.
Statutory provision.
Tips on learning and social skills.
Communicating with professionals.
6.2

106. HOME AND SCHOOL ISSUES What issues do we want to cover today.
Focussing on positive ways to work together with schools and health professionals to get the best for our children.
6.3

107. BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR CHILDREN WITH SEN
Access to a broad, balanced and relevant education.
Their views should be taken into account.
Normally have their needs met in mainstream settings.
Extra resources require a statutory assessment.
6.4

108. PARENTS’ RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
To be treated as partners
To play an active role in child’s education
To make their views known
To have access to information, advice and support
Keep records of absolutely everything!
6.5

109. SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS PROVISION PROCESS IN ENGLAND
Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) 0–25.
Identification of possible SEND.
Assessments are made by schools.
Changes in classroom management.
SEN support replaces school action and school action plus.
Single support plan with health and social care
EHCP assessment.
6.6 ENGLAND

110. SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS PROVISION PROCESS IN SCOTLAND
Identification of additional support needs (ASN).
Assessments are made by schools.
Changes in classroom management.
Single plan with education, health and social care.
Personal learning planning (PLP) for all children with ASN.
Individualised education plan (IEP) for some children.
Coordinated support plan (CSP) for complex needs.
6.6 SCOTLAND

111. SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS PROVISION PROCESS IN WALES
SEN – a sub category of ALN.
Identification of additional learning needs.
Assessments made by schools.
Changes in classroom management.
Statutory assessment.
Statement of SEN.
Additional learning needs (ALN) Bill due 2016/2017.
6.6 WALES

112. SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS PROVISION PROCESS IN NORTHERN IRELAND
Identification of SEN or AEN (additional education needs).
Assessments are made by schools.
Education plan involving parents.
Changes in classroom management.
Statutory assessment.
Statement of SEN.
6.6 N IRELAND

113. SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS PROVISION PROCESS IN ISLE OF MAN
Identification of possible SEN.
Assessments are made by schools.
Changes in classroom management
Individualised education plan (IEP).
Statutory assessment.
Services for children (SfC) support – complex needs.
6.6 IOM

114. WHAT IS A STATUTORY PROVISION?
A legal requirement for a local authority to provide appropriate support in the education of a child with complex needs – different terms for this are used across the UK.
Most children with special educational needs will not need statutory provision.
A statement/CSP/EHCP/SfC gives details of a child’s special educational needs together with the arrangements for meeting them.
6.7

115. BREAK
6.8

116. HOW CAN WE HELP OUR CHILDREN?
To organise what they need for school.
To be as independent as possible.
To learn to listen to instructions.
To know how to ask for help.
6.9

117. COMMUNICATING WITH PROFESSIONALS
How do you feel when you have to see a professional (teacher, GP, educational psychologist) about your child’s needs?
6.10

118. COMMUNICATING A CONCERN
Think of a problem with your child’s school or education (it can be real or imagined). ‘B’ is a teacher or professional working with your child, and you have an appointment to see them. Treat ‘B’ as aggressively as you can! Imply they aren’t doing enough about the problem.
6.11

119. HOW TO PLAN AND PREPARE FOR MEETINGS
Decide exactly what to say.
Use the Positive-Negative- Positive Sandwich.
6.12

120. POSITIVE-NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SANDWICH
Start with a positive comment.
State your concern.
End with a positive.
6.13

121. What one thing are you taking away today?
REFLECTION
What one thing are you taking away today?
6.14

122. What one thing do you want to focus on this week?
FOCUS FOR THE WEEK
What one thing do you want to focus on this week?
Encourage one aspect of your child’s learning.
6.15

123. We will be looking at the wider family.
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at the wider family.
6.16

124. SESSION 7
The wider family
7.1

125. SESSION PLAN Dads. Brothers and sisters.
Grandparents and other relatives.
Take a break.
Setting up a support group.
7.2

126. WHAT’S IT LIKE FOR DADS? “My family become public property.”
“All my partner’s time is taken up with our special needs child.”
“I feel excluded from discussions with professionals.”
“What about how I feel?”
7.3a and 7.3b

127. ACTION POINTS TO HELP Attend appointments together.
Keep dads involved in discussions.
Share feelings.
Develop other interests.
Make time for each other.
7.4

128. WHAT ABOUT BROTHERS AND SISTERS?
Every parent feels guilty at times, but parents of special needs children can feel doubly guilty because they also worry about neglecting the needs of their other children.
7.5

129. BROTHERS AND SISTERS
How has your special needs child affected brothers, sisters or wider family members? What tips do the group have to help?
7.6

130. BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE TOO IMPORTANT TO IGNORE
Make time for them.
Keep them involved.
Don’t take their good nature for granted.
Let them have a life of their own.
7.7

131. GRANDPARENTS
Grandparents grieve too – and sometimes they struggle to understand.
Be understanding of how they feel.
Tell them how they can help.
They may struggle to come to terms with your child’s special need.
7.8

132. HOW SUPPORTIVE HAVE GRANDPARENTS AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BEEN?
What helps?
Make family visits short and sweet.
Give them information to explain your child’s condition.
Encourage a child to bring along a favourite toy or book.
7.9

133. BREAK
7.10

134. GIVE TIME TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Look for ways of taking a break.
Find out about respite care.
Ask relatives or friends to babysit.
Join a support group.
7.11

135. ACCESS TO RESPITE CARE Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Ask your children’s services department to assess you for regular caring breaks.
Ask family and friends for help.
Don’t feel guilty.
7.12a and 7.12b

136. SETTING UP A SUPPORT GROUP
You could set up your own support group. Help is available from: Contact a Family Tel:
7.13

137. REFLECTION Today we have looked at: Last week’s focus for the week
Home and school issues
Children’s services
Rights and responsibilities
Special educational needs provision
Statutory provisions
Tips on learning and social skills
Communication with professionals
7.14

138. FINAL THOUGHTS What have you enjoyed most about the course?
What is the main thing you learnt from the course?
Name one hope that you have for your family’s future.
7.15

139. THANK YOU FOR COMING
7.16