1. Blood at War:
Layali Alsadah
Dr. Silvia Von Kluge, Faculty Mentor
Eastern Michigan University
The effects of being “half-Arab and half-White” on Personal Identity Development
Introduction
“Too white to be Arab and too Arab to ever be white”
Self-discovery involves years of mental and emotional Work. It is through reflection and exploring that we find sanctuary, or a place to “belong”.
But what happens when you feel like you never found your “place”?
What happens when your developmental process never feels as complete as your peers?
Being half Arab and half white means never being fully accepted, no matter how passionate you may be towards either identity. It means being a part of two very conflicting societies. Despite the amount of nurturing from one side or the other, a person faces a life-long inner battle trying to discover the answer to the universal question of “who am I?”.
Through a series of interviews, this study explores a complex issue within Middle Eastern communities that often enforces assimilation to one race and abandonment of the other due to these contrasting cultural norms. This research explores the experiences of these bi-racial individuals and their processes of identity development. it hopes to provide insight on their marginalized identies within an already marginalized group.
Results
1. Relationship with Arab parent growing up:
Similarities:
resentment
Understanding
Acceptance
Parents divorced
Do not believe in inter- racial marriages due to experiences
Society measures “being Arab” only by amount of Arabic one speaks
White Americans respect their opinion, no matter how educated it’d be otherwise, only when white side is made known
One day could hold complete confidence in being “half” or being one or the other and the next day it changes
Did not have many friends early on due to not finding a relatable group
high school- early college .
(early childhood-middle school)
Strained, but adult relationship with Arab parent
More communication
Parents divorced at this point- love from afar
Aware of Arab culture at this point- finally understand where Arab parent came from
Respect more valued than strong relationship
Forced Arabic school and/or social gatherings
Thought Arab parent was “cold/mean” compared to “loving white parent”
Arab parent seen as “more strict” than white family members’
Resented being Arab due to association to Arab parent
Resentment only stemmed from comparing parents
Arab parent only wanted to preserve culture in the child
Raised their child only way they knew but compared to white culture, it seemed strict
Arab parent felt guilt for leaving their family overseas
2. Only started to claim Arab identity when:
Their country was involved in Arab Spring (2011) or any type of “newsworthy” conflict
Recent change in societal beauty standards (thicker brows, darker skin, “exotic” became the new beautiful)
Became more politically and/or socially aware
3. “Happy Medium”:
No evidence of finding a “happy medium” was expressed. The world around us is constantly changing, and every time it does, one must re-create an image to fit society and create a new place for oneself because there is no “fitting in” to a particular group.
Interviews
The interview questions consisted of my own questions mixed with questions taken from “Biracial in America” by Nikki Khanna.
- The first part contained simple biographical questions. - The second part focused on the participant’s racial identity, how they defined themselves, and if that definition had been altered.
- The final part of the interview covered the participant’s personal identity development process, crucial moments they felt nurtured that process, and how they felt now.
The questions were open ended in order to create an atmosphere of conversation rather than an interview. This allowed the participant to asseverate sensitive, personal experiences that led to who they believe they are, and was pivotal in establishing a sense of comfort with the interviewee.
4. Identity process:
Realizing they’re “different”
“Fitting in”
Coming home
“I went to Arabic school and couldn't’t talk like other kids..”
“I thought I was like everyone else until a white girl asked why I didn't’t look like them..”
“I Got to middle school and couldn’t go to the pool with the kids I grew up with anymore..”
Didn’t understand who they were
Introduced themselves as Arab to Arab kids and “white” to white people..
Pluck/shave/wax at early age to fit in
Spoke differently with each group
Made up stories to relate to other kids
Confusion b/c of constant change
Accepting the pride of heritage
Displaying the best of heritage
Accepting that you are becoming what you thought you resented