1. Inside Out: Fostering Emotional IQ in your Child
Vicki Chiang, Psy.D.
& Tarrah Harnden, LMFT
Institute for Girls’ Development

2. Introduction Who WE are Who YOU are Our PURPOSE for today
Understanding EQ and SEL
Emotional Regulation/Self Awareness
Tools for parents and other caring adults

3. Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others.

4. Emotional IQ Developed by Peter Salovey and John Mayer.
Popularized by Daniel Goleman in 1996
"Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.“ - Mayer & Salovey, 1997

5. Social Emotional Learning
Social and emotional learning (SEL) is the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.  (

7. “Family life is our first school for emotional learning”
– Daniel Goleman

8. Emotional Regulation What is it?
Managing and understanding your feelings
What do emotions look like when dysregulated?
Tantrums (crying, yelling)
Problems with regulating sleep
Problems regulating appetite and/or digestion
Anxiety
Depression
Aggression/Threatening behaviors
Risky behaviors (i.e. substance abuse, self harm, school refusal, school failure, sexual experimentation)
Here is what Emotional Dysregulation can look like in adolescentsEmotional dysreg as an issue or as a less effective way of coping. This list there are some things that can be observed on a continuum. Sadness  Depression Worries  Anxiety (when things start to interfere with life).

9. What does Emotional Dysregulation look like?

10. What does Emotional Regulation look like?

11. “paying attention in a particular way,
Mindfulness
Is…
“paying attention in a particular way,
on purpose,
in the present moment,
non-judgmentally.”
Jon Kabat-Zinn

12. RESEARCH RESULTS Children & Teens
Better attention & concentration
Better interpersonal relationships
25% reduction in playground aggression
Improved ability to manage stress
Better reading scores
Less absenteeism
63% increase in optimism

13. Zones of Arousal Flight, Fight, Freeze Mind- body arousal
Stimulated, Motivated, Engaged
THREAT
This is a nice diagram that helps us understand arousal – or “big feelings”
Some kids have a wide green zone and for some it is very short. For some kids they really just hang out this area between red and green a lot.
What do we do to help kids expand Green Zone?
We want to improve their emotional IQ, validate and respond with empathy and authority.
When we do that we strengthen those neural pathways in the brain to shift how they understand conflict and big emotions.
“Deep Freeze”- Helpless, Bored

14. Red and Blue Zones Blue: Withdrawal, “flat” feeling.
Red: Stress, anxiety, overwhelmed. Elevated heart rate, rapid breath, tense muscles, GI issues
Blue: Withdrawal, “flat” feeling.
Slowed heart rate, sensation of coldness, tired and heavy

15. MORE ON MINDFULNESS Mindfulness involves the skillful use of attention to both your inner and outer worlds. From Hanson & Mendius "Just Breathe" by Julie Bayer Salzman & Josh Salzman (Wavecrest Films)

16. Understanding Dysregulation in terms of the Brain
Upper brain
Insight
Reasoning
Empathy
Planning
Morality
Developing
Lower brain
Anger
Fear
Breathing/blinking
Reacts before thinking
Developed
Hello, my name is Dr. Vicki Chiang and I am the clinical director of the Child and Adolescent specialty practice of the Institute for Girls’ Development.
“If you are the warm, nurturing, motherly, grandmotherly type, you are made for early childhood education. If you love math or science or English, then you are the high school type. If you love bungee jumping, then you are the middle school type.”
They’ve got some of the hardest jobs in education: working with students who want responsibility but aren’t always equipped to handle it. Turnover at this level is higher than it is at both the elementary and high school levels.
Upper Brain/Lower Brain explanation (hand movements)
Upper Brain – not fully formed until mid-twenties (when adolescence is now seen to go)
When the upstairs and the downstairs work together – creates harmony
While adults usually rely on the frontal lobes, the center of reasoning and language, to respond to situations, adolescents rely more on the amygdala; it controls a wide range of emotions. This means that teens are more likely than adults to respond emotionally to a situation. Then, too, teens may not be able to find the words to express their feelings. It also means that teens are prone to react more quickly and without considering the consequences of their actions.

17. Understanding Escalations
This curve shows a typical “life” of a “meltdown” or “escalation” – these are not your typical snarky comment or attitude exchange. This is when a kid “flips their lid”.
You will notice that there are times to provide strategies and time to not.
*The Escalation Curve or the Anxiety Curve Model by Buron and Curtis

18. CALM
Looks like  “quiet hands and feet” or a “grounded body”, smiling, things come with ease
Paying attention, cooperative
Reinforce it!
“Your body looks calm and relaxed right now!”
Practice Skills – Self care and calming tools
Teach when they are in their GREEN zone!
Calming skills need to be practiced!
Use feeling words… A LOT!
Identify your feelings, their feelings and the feelings of characters in movies/books etc! This boosts EQ!
Introduce a Feelings Thermometer

19. Feelings Thermometer What? A thermometer that helps you and your child
identify the intensity of their feelings
Draw one out together!
Why?
Helps us understand our child
Helps us know how and when to intervene
Helps us to prevent a bigger melt down
Helps our children identify their feelings better

20. REDIRECT
Looks like  Whining, complaining, tears, extra fidgety, uncooperative, sassy voice
Try to engage the upper brain while it is still intact
“I know you would really love to wear this sundress today. But it is raining outside. What do you think will happen with your body?”
Sensory Tools
Use the body to help calm!
Distract!
Mindfulness

21. Sensory Tools
Sensory tools – why use senses to soothe? 1) can be a reset for our bodies, soothing, our brain is used TOO much AND we often don’t have access to it when dysregulated. Get back in Body!
Taste - Mint story – Help Group (eating/water)
Touch – move body – walk to drinking fountain to get some water (2 in 1)
Listen – 1 song on mp3 player
Sight – cute pictures
Smell – essential oils – lavender, lotion etc

22. Sensory Tools Touch Massage
Splashing cold water on face or running cold water over wrists
Hugging a soft object
Silly putty/stress ball
Doing something physical – push ups, jumping jacks, going for a walk etc…
Sight
Looking at a picture of a happy memory
Watching a funny/uplifting clip (with discretion)
Reading a book
Drawing a picture
Hearing
Listening to music
Listening to a story
Smell
Pleasant smelling lotion
Lighting a candle
Essential oils
Lavender
Taste
Hot tea/cold water
Ice
Mint/gum

23. TOO LATE
Looks like  Excessive crying, unable to talk, yelling, aggressive behaviors, rigid, illogical, difficulty breathing
Silence
Model Breathing
Provide agreed upon sensory tool
KISS - Keep It Short & Simple (requests, your words)
Give space
RIDE THE WAVE!

24. REFOCUS and SOOTHE
Looks like less crying, breathing slows, logic and reasoning start to return
Encourage Skills for Calming
Mindfulness
Breathing
Sensory Tools
Validation
Descriptive Praise

25. REPAIR AND
PROBLEM SOLVE
Looks like Calmer body, still may see tears, sometimes fatigue, overall aware and alert.
Take ownership - Say Sorry!
Validation
Humor
Make a plan
Move on!

26. What can you do? Validate Do your own work
Be a model Set things up for success

27. Tips for Children with Special Needs
Repetition…Repetition…Repetition
Increase focus on Sensory Tools
Appropriate expectations – meet them where they are at

28. Pulling it all Together
What you do when you utilize these skills:
Boost EQ
Teach empathy
Emphasize character development
Build resiliency and empower
Set your child up for success

29. Institute for Girls’ Development
“The most important gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. ” –Thich Nhat Hanh
THANK YOU
Institute for Girls’ Development
Vicki Chiang, Psy.D.
(626) x114
Tarrah Harnden, LMFT
(626) x110
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