1. Ian Marsh Mediator, Managing Director, familydr Limited
Solicitors for the Elderly National Conference, 12 June Elderly Client Advisers and clients with difficult situations Mediation for Court of Protection Cases
Ian Marsh
Mediator, Managing Director, familydr Limited

2. Conflict is inevitable …
I am in conflict if I believe that you and I have incompatible goals and that your actions will interfere with me achieving mine – and I cannot just accept that.

3. Nothing is ever about what it’s about
Topic
What are we arguing about?
Relationships
How do I want to be treated by others?
Identity
Who am I – and how can I preserve that?
Process
How will we communicate and make decisions?

4. The Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle
Avoidance
Denial
Anxiety
Anger
Bargaining
Sadness
Acceptance

5. What is mediation (1)?
“Mediation is a flexible process conducted confidentially in which a neutral person actively assists parties in working towards a negotiated agreement of a dispute or difference, with the parties in ultimate control of the decision to settle and the terms of resolution.”
Source: CEDR

6. What is mediation (2)?
“Family mediation is a process in which an impartial third person assists those involved in family breakdown, and in particular, separating or divorcing couples, to communicate better with one another and reach their own agreed and informed decisions concerning some, or all, of the issues relating to separation, divorce, children , finance or property”
Source: FMA/ADR

7. What is mediation (3)?
Mediation is a dialogue (sometimes, but by no means always, a negotiation) facilitated by neutral third party
Source: Marsh

8. So what do mediators actually do?
Let people speak the unspeakable
End the dialogue of the deaf
Speak truth to power

9. How could you do it better?
What do you want to achieve – and why?
Can you do it without the other person?
If not, what do you need them to do?
What do you need to say or do, for them to do that?
Put yourself in their shoes
Why would they say no?
What must you do to change their minds?
Get help

10. Some golden rules Assume nothing Be curious Listen
Assumptions are dangerous – and usually wrong
Be curious
You can’t change somebody’s mind if you don’t know what’s in it
Listen
You have twice as many ears as mouths for a reason!
Take responsibility for the problem
If you don’t “they” control your destiny

11. Mediation in the Court of Protection
Would it help?
What would it look like?
What about low value cases?
Who will act as mediators?
What training do they need?
Should they be regulated?

12. Mediation in the Court of Protection
What other questions do we need to answer?

13. Contact Ian Marsh at familydr Central Court 25 Southampton Buildings London WC2A 1AL tel: +44 (0) fax: +44 (0)