1. Essays 101

2. What NOT to do….
Apologize. Never suggest that you don't know what you're talking about or that you're not enough of an expert in this matter that your opinion would matter. Your reader will quickly ask “if you don’t know what you’re talking about, why should I waste my time?” Avoid phrases like the following:
In my [humble] opinion . . .
I'm not sure about this, but . . .
Announce your intentions. Do not flatly announce what you are about to do in an essay.
In this paper I will . . .
The purpose of this essay is to . . .
Get into the topic and let your reader perceive your purpose in the topic sentence of your beginning paragraph.
Use a dictionary or encyclopedia definition.
According to Merriam-Webster's WWW Webster Dictionary,
a widget is . . .
Although definitions are extremely useful and it might serve your purpose to devise your own definition(s) later in the essay, you want to avoid using this overdone beginning to an essay.

3. How to get started…
These are general guidelines to get your essay up and running off the ground.
You will NEVER write a “baby” 5-Paragraph essay in this class, and quite frankly, if you try in college you’ll be laughed at. Get over the idea of using a formula thesis, with each body paragraph comprised of one of your formulas.
You will always have an intro and a conclusion
You will always have a thesis.
Your paper will always be in MLA format. (More on that later!)

4. Way # 1- Start with a Rhetorical Question
“When was the last time you spent over 20 minutes trying to find on-campus parking?”
Note- by this point in your life, unless you’re writing a short story or a narrative, you should never use first or second person point of view. However, for just this rhetorical question, it is generally accepted use of the word “you.”

5. #2- Begin with a Declaration
“Campus parking has gotten out of hand.”
This is short and to the point, but your audience knows exactly what is coming with this essay.

6. #3- Begin with a Quotation:
“According to the Dean, there is one parking spot for every ten students at our campus.”
Starting with a quote seems to be a popular method. Just be sure that the quote relates to your essay. It should not be random or stand alone.
If you use anything from your source material you must cite it!
DO NOT make up statistics. If it’s not directly in the source material, do not use it.

7. #4- Begin with a specific detail or example
“Most students at our campus wait at least 120 minutes for a parking space if they arrive between the hours of 9:00 AM and noon.”
If it’s a detail you learned through research, you’ll have to cite your source.

8. #5- Begin with a creative scenario or anecdote
Mrs. M. LOVES this one! :D
“Imagine your first day at a new college. You pull into the main parking lot 15 minutes before your first class is scheduled to begin. However, as soon as you enter, you see at least 209 cars circling the very full lot.”
Again, using the second person “you” is iffy, however, if your grabber is entertaining enough, it can be overlooked.
NOTE: Avoid general problematic statements that use “all people,” or “In today’s society” You are using broad unprovable statements and it makes you look like you don’t know what you’re talking about.

9. Thesis Statements
… generally cause a sense of panic when you start writing.
You’ve probably been told that your thesis is rushed, not strong, not solid, etc., but you don’t know how to fix it.
… breathe. You can do this.

10. What should a Thesis Statement Do?
A good thesis statement establishes what you’re writing about.
provides at least one controlling idea (or purpose) and gives a basic “map” to let your readers know how you essay will play out.
Think of each paragraph as a tiny essay. It has a main idea (topic sentence) and support for that topic. A thesis is just that on a grander scale; you are going explain to your audience (that would be me) how you’re going to approach answering the prompt.
A thesis statement makes a claim. It always involves your opinion- not just facts or details. It’s what you want your readers to understand about your topic.

11. Thesis No-nos:
Remember, your thesis should not be a question, or series of questions.
It should be the ANSWER of what you’re trying to prove.
Avoid awkward baby phrasing such as ‘I will attempt to explain…” Don’t. Don’t attempt it. And don’t tell me what you will do. Just do it.
While we’re at it… get rid of all the “I believe, I think, I feel, I will explain…”
Duh. Of course you will. It’s your essay. You don’t need to tell me, since this isn’t a conversation.

12. Thesis Statements should ask:
What is the purpose of my essay?
How will I develop it?
So what do I want to explain or prove to my readers through this essay?
Example:
[What?] “Our campus has a serious parking problem [How?] since we have far more students than spots, [So what?] so our campus needs to build a second parking lot.”

13. Sticky Note Assignment
Pick TWO of the following too narrow or too broad thesis statements and using the
What How So What
format, convert them into strong thesis statements.
Media violence is harmful to society.
The death penalty is wrong.
Technology has changed our lives.
Violent crime is up.
iPhones are crap.
The neighbor’s cat is unfriendly.