1. Seminar 2 with Prof. Tara O’Neill Topic: Concise Writing and The Paramedic Method --------------------------------------------------------- “ Books are the legacies that a great genius leaves to mankind; they are delivered down from generation to generation as presents to the those who are yet unborn.” “Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.” ~ Joseph Addison ~ “Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.” ~ Emilie Buchwald ~

2. 2 nd week’s work due at midnight tonight 2 nd week’s work due at midnight tonight Reading of the Unit 2 Overview & video Reading of the Unit 2 Overview & video Reading of the scenario Reading of the scenario The Amulet and the Elixir – Discussion – at least three responses (follow all directions on the DB) The Amulet and the Elixir – Discussion – at least three responses (follow all directions on the DB)

3. 3 rd week begins tomorrow; work to do this week Reading the Unit 3 Overview Reading the Unit 3 Overview Reading and click on the Scenario icon. Also, please become familiar with the concepts in chapters 1 and 6 of The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing. Reading and click on the Scenario icon. Also, please become familiar with the concepts in chapters 1 and 6 of The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing. Follow Discussion Board guidelines Follow Discussion Board guidelines FIRST PROJECT (see next slide) FIRST PROJECT (see next slide)

4. Unit 3 Project – One GREAT paragraph Unit 3 Project – One GREAT paragraph Choose an historical figure who showed courage in “crossing the threshold.” Be creative! Try to choose someone others might not think of right away. In fact, this is an opportunity to share your knowledge of a threshold-crossing hero who is important to you in particular and to the world in general. Choose an historical figure who showed courage in “crossing the threshold.” Be creative! Try to choose someone others might not think of right away. In fact, this is an opportunity to share your knowledge of a threshold-crossing hero who is important to you in particular and to the world in general. This assignment asks you to do 4 things: This assignment asks you to do 4 things: Provide a definition of courage and what it means in your own words to cross the threshold. (your own definition) Provide a definition of courage and what it means in your own words to cross the threshold. (your own definition) Identify an historical figure who is an example of courage. Explain how he or she embodies your definition of courage. Use specific examples and details to illustrate your point. Identify an historical figure who is an example of courage. Explain how he or she embodies your definition of courage. Use specific examples and details to illustrate your point. Identify what thresholds he or she had to cross. Explain how this person overcame adversity with specific examples and details to illustrate your point. Identify what thresholds he or she had to cross. Explain how this person overcame adversity with specific examples and details to illustrate your point. Finally, in one sentence, summarize the main idea of your response (note in your reading this week – thesis information) Finally, in one sentence, summarize the main idea of your response (note in your reading this week – thesis information) This assignment is one paragraph. To review how to write paragraphs, click on the Writing Center link. For this assignment, aim for about 300 words, double-spaced and in 12-point Times New Roman font. This assignment is one paragraph. To review how to write paragraphs, click on the Writing Center link. For this assignment, aim for about 300 words, double-spaced and in 12-point Times New Roman font.

5. Lessons from Joseph Campbell (according to Prof. Keathley:) “Writing is not a task: it is an adventure!” “Writing is not a task: it is an adventure!” Taking note of the world around us is the first step for a writer/hero. Taking note of the world around us is the first step for a writer/hero. The reading/writing/speaking/listening/thinking connection The reading/writing/speaking/listening/thinking connection The writer/hero must have “faith in oneself.” The writer/hero must have “faith in oneself.” “Our lives evolve around our character; put yourself in situations that evoke your higher rather than your lower nature.” “Our lives evolve around our character; put yourself in situations that evoke your higher rather than your lower nature.” Follow your BLISS not your dragon. Follow your BLISS not your dragon. What type of writer/hero are you? What type of writer/hero are you? – Have you been swept away by an unexpected adventure ( Do you feel forced to take this class? Are you unsure of why a writing class is required?) –OR – Have you chosen this journey (Do you feel interested or excited about writing and what you may learn? Do you see the value in learning about more effective written communication?) What is unique about you, your experiences, your perspective, your interests that you could draw upon for writing topics? What is unique about you, your experiences, your perspective, your interests that you could draw upon for writing topics?

6. Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth: The Hero’s Journey Dietz, K. A Storied Career. Retrieved 16 Jan. 2011 from http://astoriedcareer.com/karen_dietz_qa.html

7. THE WRITING PROCESS

8. How does the writer’s journey connect to the hero’s journey?

9. What KUWC resources exist to help you through the heroic writing process? Live tutoring Live tutoring Q & A Service Q & A Service Paper Review Paper Review Reference Library Reference Library Workshops Workshops Writing Fundamentals Program Writing Fundamentals Program Writing Coach Program Writing Coach Program English Language Learner (ELL) Resources English Language Learner (ELL) Resources

10. Standard English Standard English What is Standard English? What is Standard English? Why do we need to use Standard English in our writing? Why do we need to use Standard English in our writing?

11. Formal Writing Formal and Informal Writing– What is the difference? Formal and Informal Writing– What is the difference? How can we make our writing more formal? How can we make our writing more formal?

12. What is concise writing? Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell. — William Strunk Jr. in Elements of Style

13. Ways to do this Getting rid of redundancy in writing--- Getting rid of redundancy in writing--- Instead of “12 midnight”, use “midnight” Instead of “12 midnight”, use “midnight” Instead of “end result” use “result” Instead of “end result” use “result” Instead of “cooperate together” use “cooperate.” Instead of “cooperate together” use “cooperate.”

14. Trimming sentences further Reducing Clauses to Phrases, Phrases to Single Words– Reducing Clauses to Phrases, Phrases to Single Words–Example: Citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office. Citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office. Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office. Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.

15. Phrases you can omit As far as I'm concerned, there is no need for further protection of woodlands. As far as I'm concerned, there is no need for further protection of woodlands. Write instead: Further protection of woodlands is not needed. Further protection of woodlands is not needed. Omit phrases like “at the present time,” “ as a matter of fact.” Omit phrases like “at the present time,” “ as a matter of fact.”

16. The Paramedic Method Richard Lanham created this method, described in his textbook Revising Prose Richard Lanham created this method, described in his textbook Revising Prose Targets wordiness Targets wordiness Helps to make writing more clear and concise Helps to make writing more clear and concise

17. Quick Grammar Review Quick Grammar Review First, what is a preposition? First, what is a preposition? Can you think of an example? Can you think of an example?

18. How to Remember Prepositions A good test that identifies most prepositions is whether they can fit into the following sentence: A good test that identifies most prepositions is whether they can fit into the following sentence: The squirrel ran ___________ the tree. The squirrel ran ___________ the tree. (up, over, with, under, around, at, below, from, to). (up, over, with, under, around, at, below, from, to). These are all prepositions. These are all prepositions.

19. Prepositions continued Prepositions continued Is “however" a preposition? Is “however" a preposition? ********************* ********************* What about “very" or "this"? What about “very" or "this"? ********************* *********************

20. Prepositions continued Prepositions continued The squirrel ran however the tree" is not a possible sentence. The squirrel ran however the tree" is not a possible sentence. "The squirrel ran very the tree." "The squirrel ran very the tree." "The squirrel ran this the tree." "The squirrel ran this the tree." See how this test helps us to identify prepositions? See how this test helps us to identify prepositions? “however," “very," and “this" do not fit into that blank, and so we know that they are not prepositions. “however," “very," and “this" do not fit into that blank, and so we know that they are not prepositions. One note: There are a few prepositions that sound a bit odd in this sentence (for example, of), but they are prepositions just the same.

21. Next – Remember To Be and To Have verbs The next thing we need to identify are forms of the verbs, “to be” and “to have.” The next thing we need to identify are forms of the verbs, “to be” and “to have.” These verbs are really common and have many forms. These verbs are really common and have many forms. For instance, “being” and “is” “had” and “having” For instance, “being” and “is” “had” and “having”

22. To Be forms & To Have forms Here are some more: Here are some more: BE: was, were, was not, am, are, been, be BE: was, were, was not, am, are, been, be HAVE: has, has not, had not, have HAVE: has, has not, had not, have With our memories jogged about prepositions and the verb forms of “to be” and “to have,” we can now look at the Paramedic Method of Revision, which involves a series of steps: With our memories jogged about prepositions and the verb forms of “to be” and “to have,” we can now look at the Paramedic Method of Revision, which involves a series of steps:

23. Steps for the Paramedic method  Circle the prepositions and replace with active verbs  Circle the "is" and “have” verb forms and replace with active verbs.  Ask, "Where's the action?" and put this action in a simple active verb. Make the doer of the action the subject.  Start fast--no slow windups. Avoid starting sentences with phrases like “I believe that...” or “There is/are.”  Eliminate redundant phrasing.

24. Remove prepositional phrases Avoid strings of prepositional phrases. Avoid strings of prepositional phrases. Cluttered: Cluttered: We stood in line at the observatory on the top of the hill in the mountains to look in a huge telescope at the moons of Saturn. We stood in line at the observatory on the top of the hill in the mountains to look in a huge telescope at the moons of Saturn. Better: We lined up at the mountaintop observatory to view Saturn’s moons through a huge telescope. Better: We lined up at the mountaintop observatory to view Saturn’s moons through a huge telescope.

25. As you edit... Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. Just make sure longer sentences are punctuated properly! Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. Just make sure longer sentences are punctuated properly! In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary. In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary. Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer. Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer. Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary. Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary. However, every word should be necessary. However, every word should be necessary.

26. Revision examples Ex. 1. The dog with the short tail lives at the house next door. Revision: The short-tailed dog lives next door. Revision: The short-tailed dog lives next door. Ex. 2. The dog was having fun rolling in the grass. Revision: The dog enjoyed rolling in the grass. Revision: The dog enjoyed rolling in the grass. Ex. 3. I am a race car driver. Revision: I drive race cars. Revision: I drive race cars.

27. Original sentence The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money. The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money. Volunteers to revise? Volunteers to revise?

28. Possible revision Our employees need a better money manager. Our employees need a better money manager.

29. More revision practice: After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures. After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures. Any volunteers? Any volunteers?

30. Possible revision: Your research results and our recent studies suggest making changes to our operating procedures. Your research results and our recent studies suggest making changes to our operating procedures.

31. One more exercise: Even people who cannot agree on whether death by execution is the best form of punishment should be able to see that if there is even a slight chance of an innocent person losing his or her life, death should not even be an option Even people who cannot agree on whether death by execution is the best form of punishment should be able to see that if there is even a slight chance of an innocent person losing his or her life, death should not even be an option Volunteers? Volunteers?

32. Possible Revision: The Death penalty should not be an option if there is the slightest chance of innocence. The Death penalty should not be an option if there is the slightest chance of innocence.

33. One last one: All of the separate constituencies at this academic institution must be invited to participate in the decision making process under the current fiscal pressures we face. All of the separate constituencies at this academic institution must be invited to participate in the decision making process under the current fiscal pressures we face. Volunteers? Volunteers?

34. Possible revision: Faculty, students, and staff must all have a say during this current budget crunch. Faculty, students, and staff must all have a say during this current budget crunch.

35. Use SPECIFIC words Use SPECIFIC words Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after- school programs in his speech (14 words) Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after- school programs in his speech (14 words) Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8 words) Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8 words) Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words) Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words) Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words) Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words) Wordy: Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words) Wordy: Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words) Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words) Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words) Wordy: Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot. (20 words) Wordy: Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot. (20 words) Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience. (10 words) Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience. (10 words)

36. Here's a list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer: --kind of, sort of, type of –really, very –basically –for all intents and purposes –definitely –actually –generally –individual –specific –particular

37. Top wordy phrases?????????? Please take turns to post a phrase that you have seen in your readings of emails, newspapers, and so forth: Please take turns to post a phrase that you have seen in your readings of emails, newspapers, and so forth:

38. Any remaining questions and concerns? Please voice any questions or concerns you may have about concise writing or anything else this week. Please voice any questions or concerns you may have about concise writing or anything else this week. Are you all clear about this week’s work? Are you all clear about this week’s work?