1. Living in multicultural families: education, trust and relationships in a globalized society isabella.crespi@unimc.it Isabella Crespi University of Macerata Macerata (Italy) SIT University of Macerata Macerata 26 November 2014

2. Summary 1.Defining mixed couples 2.Research 3.Partners in a mixed couples: a challenge to individual identity? 4.Finding common features in difference (religion, habits and language) 5.When a couple becomes a family: mediations for new generations 6.Conclusions

3. 1.Defining mixed couples  One of main and socially significant consequences of the meeting between different cultures is the progressive increase in the number of ethnically and nationally mixed marriages  A mixed couple could be considered as the union between people with a different individual background, gender or social status (Falicov, 1995, Guyaux et al., 1992)  Generally speaking, different ethnic/cultural belongings (intermarriage, interfaith, interethnic and so on) made a mixed couple/family

4. The boundaries between values and traditions in mixed marriages  Living in a multiethnic family is a challenge that implies that the couple, the families of origin and the broadest social context allow and facilitate the possibility of combining differences in the best possible way.  These families seem to be a micro example of what it means to live in a multicultural society nowadays at the macro level.  Differences and similarities are played everyday in the life course of the couple and their families, requiring the entire family group (including previous generations) to redefine the overall arrangement of their cultural balance

5. 2. The research  35 families (both partners)  One foreign and one italian  Married or partnered with at least one child  Marche region  Qualitative in-depth interview

6. 3. Partners in a mixed couples: a challenge to individual identity?  One of the most significant elements in this respect is undoubtedly identity, which is shaped by personal and social factors.  This means belonging to a social group, developing feelings of attachment to this group, inheriting the history of one’s culture, ideologies, traditions and beliefs. Anyone who engages in a relationship is required to engage with the other partner’s identity too; in the case of mixed couples, however, this process carries a more complex meaning. “He absolutely didn’t want to change his citizenship even though he had a right to as he was married with me. He could apply for citizenship but he didn’t want to change it, especially the first few years, because he said he was Iranian and wanted to continue to be Iranian” (F, Italy, 51, 1 child, bar owner)

7. 4. Finding common background in differences (religions, habits and languages) Being in a mixed couple means being aware of being shot through and permeated with difference. Finding a common ground in difference means:  reaching a point of contact with the other partner  keeping one’s own cultural identity while acknowledging and respecting the others’ (trust)  incorporating different cultural models without doing away with differences but, on the contrary, respecting different identities.

8. Religious differences and the importance of one’s faith  Religious belonging is a fundamental component of individual identity: it denotes a value system that guides people’s behaviour and a set of rules that regulate the many-sided, concrete aspects of the life of the communities and families of origin.  When a marriage is interfaith as well as interethnic, there could be difficulties concerning the couple’s respective religious beliefs, customs and practices – such as rituals, celebrations and behaviour in general “I wanted him to change his religion and become a Muslim but it was his family, rather than him, who didn’t approve. I know it as them, even thought they never told me directly: I could hear them talking behind my back, telling him that changing religion wasn’t right.. I know that, still we had a civil wedding.“ (F, Morocco, 35, 1 child, unemployed).

9. 5. When a couple becomes a family: mediations for new generations  When a couple’s relationship is confined to the interpersonal sphere, the partners can still gloss over the importance of the difference between some particular cultural and ethnic aspects.  The birth of a child causes the reshaping of the family’s organisation and the definition of new dynamics with regards to those differences that both partners had already mediated within their relationship, such as language, habits and religion.  The ability to deal with cultural differences can thus turn into a NEW challenge for the couple. In order to deal with and make sense of their differences with respect to their children, partners are required to bring their negotiation strategy back into play.

10. Building a common culture as a resource for the family  Constructing a common family culture is a major starting point for a mixed family. It could be considered as the ability to base family relationships on dialogue, exchange, respect for the other and negotiation of interethnic differences.  The joint involvement of both spouses in the choice of their children’s upbringing and the values to be transmitted to future generations greatly depends on their own family background. So, well, I have values coming from my family of origin, whereas his are totally different. He has different ways of thinking and living with regards to different situations and values: they’re just different, so we started sharing each other’s values, I mean, sharing everything and then, he and I together, started choosing and deciding for both of us, without distinction … You see, it was he and I who decided how to organise our family. Well, with a bit of advice here and there of course, we finally found our way, so much so that we ended up creating our own thing, which doesn’t look like anything either of us had experienced before: it’s a mixture, really. (F, Italy, 24, 1 child, student)

11. 6. Conclusions  The family dynamics of mixed couples are based on a continuous negotiation of the partners’ historical and cultural differences. They also require the creation of a new family culture, able to turn difference into a valuable asset, which helps promote open minds and acceptance of the other.  With regards to identity, it has been shown that individuals feel very strongly about their national and cultural belonging and find them impossible to give up completely  Negotiation strategies are also about compromise, recognition and respect of differences, openness to dialogue and communication. Identity is thus perceived as a set of “experiences of recognition” (Della Porta et al., 2000), which allows each individual to recognise themselves over time.

12. Thank you isabella.crespi@unimc.it