1. Family Communication and Estate Planning Divya Saxena, M.S. Extension Associate Sean Brotherson, Ph.D. Extension Family Science Specialist

2. Learner Objectives  Build awareness of family estate planning  Encourage key conversations on estate planning topics  Foster dialogue among family members  Learn and implement practical strategies for family communication in estate planning

3. What is Estate Planning? Making decisions about your estate Organizing your financial affairs and other resources Leaving a lasting legacy for your family

4. Estate Planning – Basic Goals What is an estate plan?  A definite plan for managing your assets while you’re alive and distributing them after death  Comprehensive estate  Communicate desires to family members and make needed decisions

5. Estate Planning Basics Assess value of your estate, acquire insurance (such as life and long-term care insurance) Prepare appropriate legal documents (such as wills, health-care proxies and powers of attorney) Provide gifts to family members and charities, and minimize taxes

6. Learning Activity 2 – Ask Me About My Estate  This activity is intended to get you thinking about your communication with the people around you. Ask yourself each question:  What did this activity prompt you to think about?  What goals might you set to communicate important things to others in your family?

7. Family Communication and Estate Planning Family communication is a key to effective estate planning and it allows: Discussion of shared values and goals Sharing views and meanings attached to things in the family Development of loving and supportive relationships Identification of family priorities

8. Why do families need to discuss estate issues? Family communication is critically important so you can avoid or minimize: Frustration with each other Heartache or misunderstanding Dissension Probate (ties up estate)

9. Family Communication Plan  Who to involve  What to discuss  When and where to meet  How information will be shared

10. What needs to be discussed?  The will  Trusts  Financial contacts  Funeral arrangements  Contact lists  Financial stuff

11. What needs to be discussed? Ways and means to transfer property (nontitled assets) Decree of ancestry and dissemination Durable power of attorney for health-care decisions Power of attorney for business Instructional letter

12. How to Get the Conversation Started  Pick a positive, comfortable environment during a period of relative calm.  Be sincere about your intentions.  Stress the importance and benefits of this conversation to everyone affected.  Speak candidly but kindly about the need to plan now instead of later.  Listen actively and carefully to any concerns.  Make clear that you want to work together as partners.

13. Learning Activity 3 – Starting the Conversation This activity is intended to get you thinking about how to start conversations on topics related to estate planning. Role play one or more of the different “conversation starters” with another individual.

14. Unwritten Family Rules Unwritten family rules often affect or deal with the unequal distribution of assets in families. Consider the following for your family: Are sons and daughters treated the same? Does the position in the family make a difference? Are all children treated the same? Does whether the child is married or single matter? Does the geographic location of your descendants make a difference?

15. Setting a Family Meeting Set a family meeting to discuss estate issues with the following elements: Set a time and place and invite all who need to be included. Use an agenda, take notes and save past agendas/notes for future reference. Have one person talk at a time using short, respectful messages – no interruptions! Everyone should have a chance to talk, but no one is required to talk. Do not allow put-downs or making fun of ideas or opinions. Keep it focused; 30 minutes to one hour is optimal. Have treats afterward.

16. Communication Checklist for Estate Discussions 1. Everyone should be included in the discussions. 2. Everyone should be encouraged to participate. 3. Listen “generously.” 4. Take notes for a clear record and to preserve ideas. 5. Obtain the help of an objective outside party if needed.

17. Communication Checklist for Estate Discussions 6. Take a brief break to “cool off” if anger or anxiety arises. 7. Be willing to compromise. 8. Agree to disagree without being “disagreeable” – extend courtesy. 9. Have more than one meeting if needed. 10. End the meeting by asserting following: a. what was decided b. what is left to be decided c. who is going to do what before the next meeting d. setting a time for the next meeting if needed

18. Setting Goals and Getting Started With Estate Planning Getting started with estate planning involves: Preparing your will and other legal documents Reviewing insurance coverage Estimating tax liabilities and the net estate available for distribution Evaluating alternative strategies and identifying those that will help you meet your goals Asking questions, preparing answers and communicating with family members

19. Communicate About Your Estate – Start Today! Other Resources: NDSU Extension estate planning series of publications NDSU Extension family meetings publication NDSU Extension family communication publication

20. Resources http://retirehappy.ca/communication-is-essential-in-estate/ http://ohioline.osu.edu/estate/index.html www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/6keys.html www.cbsnews.com/8301-505146_162-51338020/12-tough- questions-to-ask-your-parents/ www.talk-early-talk-often.com/family-communication.html www.agingcare.com/Articles/taking-over-parents-finances-what-you- need-to-know-143865.htm www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs522w.htm www.familymeetings.com/ http://caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=475 https://www.fidelity.com/estate-planning-inheritance/estate- planning/talking-estate-planning

21. References Goetting, M.A. (2008). Talking with Aging Parents about Finances. Family Financial Management (Estate Planning) Montana State University Extension publications. Family Handbook on Future Planning, Sharon Davis, Ph.D., Editor, December 2003. Downloaded at: www.pluk.org/Pubs/Fed/Future_Planning_893K.pdf “Critical Conversations about Financing Long Term Care” (about long-term care concerns that could affect property inheritance): www.financinglongtermcare.umn.edu/pdfs/conversationstarters/critic alconversations.pdf Treem, T., Communicating with Family Members, presented at estate planning workshops, September 2004

22. References (Continued) www.extension.org/pages/15800/prepare-your-estate-plan:-print- this-lesson About Health Care Advance Directives [Link to Communicate] “Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate?” (provides methods and discussion for distributing untitled property): www.yellowpieplate.umn.edu/indexB.html “Estate Planning: Wills and Probate in Kentucky,” Suzanne Badenhop, Ph.D., Extension Specialist, Family and Consumer Sciences. www.ca.uky.edu/agc/pubs/fcs5/fcs5425/fcs5425.pdf