1. Child Development & Parenting ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?

2. Can you support the child financially?

3. Can you support the child emotionally?

4. Are you prepared to be a consistent parent?

5. Are you ready to read up on child development?

6. Are you prepared to put someone else’s needs before your own for the next 18 – 21 years?

7. Parenting is a learned experience. Parents make choices on how to parent, based on their own childhood experiences, plus what they see, hear, and read. These sources may be from religious beliefs, psychologists, classes, and government policies.

8. Basic Points In Raising Children

9. Heredity  Determines what a child will be based on NATURE, or what genes you inherit. a. Physical characteristics – genetics – size – physical build b. Intelligence – mental capacity – stimulated c. Temperament – chemically inherited, environmentally developed

10. Environment - NURTURE  Phsyical – Basic needs such as food, shelter, clothing  Social – a. How stable is a child’s environment b. What experiences does a child have c. The people who are part of a child’s world

11. Love  A major difference in any child’s growth and development. a. To love is to care! b. To love is to be patient and knowledgeable. c. To love is to spend time together. d. To love is to put the child first, instead of yourself. e. This does not always mean that you give the child everything s/he wants.

12. Security  Children need to fee safe in their world, especially as things change.  Adults tend to teach fears, especially the ones they have themselves.  Children may need a security object, such as a blanket or a toy. Do not laugh at them or deny them. They will outgrow it, in time.

13. Personality Growth  Personality developmental tasks are crucial to a child’s development. They must occur in sequence. a. The first one learned is TRUST and is learned in infancy. This means that when a young baby cries, you need to pick the child up – to see what they need. A baby learns that he or she can trust the caregiver because when they are hungry, they are fed. When their diaper is wet or dirty, they are changed. When they are lonely, they are cuddled.

14. Personality Growth b. The second one learned is DEPENDENCE – INDEPENDENCE and is learned during the toddler years. Children say I can do it! Let me!!, and learned how to do things for themselves. In accomplishing things for themselves, this develops their self-esteem. They also learn when they need to get help from adults.

15. Personality Growth C. The third one learned is how to take INITIATIVE, and is learned during the preschool years. In trying to make sense of their world, they ask why many times. They learn to solve problems. They increase in their independence. They think on a more “mature” level. (still – they are only preschoolers).

16. Cognitive Growth This refers to the MIND and development of the brain.  Children are CURIOUS! a. They may talk endlessly about one subject. b. They learn by watching, listening, and asking questions. c. They only lean how to speak well by talking a lot. d. They love to explore, so child-proof your home.

17. Cognitive Growth  Role Playing a. They learn gender identification by role- playing. b. They like creative playing and use much make-believe and fantasy.  Toys play an important role in ages of all kinds. They are used to help learn how to grow physically, mentally and socially.  Attention span is very short, often only 5 to 10 minutes.

18. Physical Growth  It always occurs from the head to toes and from center to edges of body. So, the more developed part of a newborn baby is his or her head and brain.  Physical growth goes from large (gross) motor control (arms and legs) to small (fine) motor control (fingers and toes).

19. Physical Growth  For a child to use their fingers, they also need eye-hand coordination. 4. As a child matures and develops, they need many activities to develop them.

20. What can a newborn baby do? Cry Sleep Eat Pee / Poop They are totally dependent on you, the caregiver, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!

21. Toddler Development This is from 18 to 36 months (1 ½ to 3 years)

22. Biggest Changes  They can walk and move quickly.  They have no fear or common sense.  They learn language.  Their favorite word is NO!

23. Physical Changes  Walking is done with feet wide apart (for balance) called toddling.  Because they are so top-heavy, they fall down a lot.  They can hold objects while walking.  They love to get into everything!  They learn through handling, playing with and exploring their world.

24. Physical Changes  So, it is essential to child-proof your home. (Get on floor and see it from their view).  During the early stages, everything picked up is put in mouth.  Their growth rate is slower than the 18 months of life.

25. Physical Changes  Toilet training usually starta about the age of 2 to 2 1/2. In order to do this they need to control their muscles and also have the DESIRE to learn how. It takes a LONG time to learn how to do this without mistakes. DO NOT PUNSIH THEM FOR WHAT THEY CANNOT CONTROL!

26. Cognitive and Emotional Development  Not only do they move in new ways, but they also think in new ways.  Symbolic representation means that they can picture an action before they do it.  This means they can pretend during play.  They begin to understand what language is and start to understand and then to speak. At 18 months, they know about 50 words At two years, they know about 200 words.

27. Cognitive and Emotional Development  They learn everything by repetition and practice.  They speak 2 word sentences, such as “Stove hot” “Daddy here.”  By age three, a child speaks in full sentences, such as “Me go get ball.”  A toddler is egocentric, which means they only see their own point of view, and not yours or anyone else’s.

28. Cognitive and Emotional Development  Because of the ego-centric nature, it is best if toddlers play alone (always with adult supervision!  Toddlers DO NOT understand time. What matters to them is right now.  Toddlers demand routines and predictability. Such routines can be set up during mealtime, bathtime, and bedtime.

29. Cognitive and Emotional Development  Rules should be both simple and enforced every time.  Toddlers are very, very curious! Select toys that are safe and fun and can be used to teach.

30. Preschool Development This is from the start of 3 through age 5, when they go to school.

31. Biggest Changes A. Rapid development of speech so others can understand them. B. Much more independent, such as Velcro. C. The age of pretend and fantasy. D. Beginning of understanding right from wrong and connecting behavior with consequences (both positive and negative).

32. Common Tendencies of Preschoolers  Like to dress and undress themselves, so keep clothing simple and loose and easy to fasten, such as Velcro.  Starts to use one hand consistently. Left brain dominate is right handed and vice versa. Do NOT try to switch the hand that the child favors!

33. Common Tendencies of Preschoolers  Most children lack coordination so keep sharp tools out of reach, such as scissors and knives. 1. Practice coordination by painting, spreading bread, pour water in the tub, hop on one foot, etc.  They talk a lot and sometimes stutter and/or slur words.  Their brains work faster than their mouths speak.  Their tongue is still developing. Hard sounds include “Th,” “s,” “r,” “l.”

34. Common Tendencies of Preschoolers E. Their eyes are still developing. This means far – sightedness, so they need larger toys, bigger print in books. Also binocular, meaning both eyes working together, finish developing about the ages of 6 to 8. (So reading is hard before this). F. Bones and teeth are soft, so broken bones are rare.

35. Common Tendencies of Preschoolers  Most baby teeth are in by the age of 5. There are 20 baby teeth.  Although baby teeth will be replaced, they still need to be taken care of. This means a healthy diet and regular trips to the dentist.  It’s easy for preschoolers to confuse fact and fantasy. Pretend friends are common during this time, and completely normal for this age.

36. Changes in Eating, Sleeping, and Toilet Training  Eating – 1. Joins the family for eating meal together. 2. Eat less than a toddler, although more active. 3. Unpredictable likes and dislikes with food. 4. Needs healthy high energy snacks, such as fruits, vegetables, whole wheat crackers. Avoid sugary foods.

37. Changes in Eating, Sleeping, and Toilet Training  Sleeping 1. Needs 10-12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, including a mid-day nap. 2. May need a security object to soothe the separation time during sleep. 3. No more cribs by age three. They should stay in their own bed. 4. Scary dreams are common. They confuse fact and fantasy.

38. Changes in Eating, Sleeping, and Toilet Training  Toilet Training 1. Bowel training happens before bladder training. 2. Being upset or excited can cause accidents. DO NOT PUNISH A CHILD FOR AN ACCIDENT. 3. Day time training is learned first, then night time. Avoid drinking liquids after supper, except small amounts.

39. Differences between Boys and Girls How they differ in the first six years

40. Natural Tendencies Boys Better spatial skills (picturing things – like video games) Tend to have more problems in speech. Girls Faster to develop language skills. Advance faster in fine motor skills, ones that use one’s fingers.

41. Social Abilities Boys Tend to show more separation anxiety, or having to leave the main caregiver for a while. While young, interested in the approval of other friends. Girls Develop social skills earlier. More likely to compromise.

42. Behavior and Personality Boys Tend to put their own needs ahead of the needs of the group. More active physical behavior. “He’s all boy.” Girls More interested in people and feelings. Easier to calm down, even when babies.

43. Physical Development Boys Tend to grow in irregular spurts alternating slow and fast. Girls Tend to grow slowly and more steady. Toilet trained earlier.

44. Positive Guidance Through Play

45. Purpose of Play 1. Physical – practice coordination, muscle development 2. Cognitive – make sense of world and how things work. 3. Social – sharing, get along with different personalities 4. Emotional – develop, identify, and control emotions. Express emotions properly.

46. Supervision is Necessary: By a responsible caregiver at ALL times. Why? 1. Supervision for good health 1. ex.) proper clothing, rest time 2. Supervision for safety 1. ex.) don’t play in streets

47. Teaching through Play 1. Don’t park in front of T.V., which cannot interact with a child. 2. Parenting skills to develop when working with children: a. Give directions in positive language, where possible. Ex.) (NOT “SHUT UP”), but “you need to be quiet now.” b. Use a quiet, confident tone to your voice. Keep your words simple.

48. Teaching Through Play c. Keep directions short, no more than one step at a time. d. Offer choices, but ONLY those that are acceptable to you. Ex.) “Do you want to color the picture or play outside?” e. Allow plenty of time to change activities. Be sure to give a 10 minute warning and then a 5 minute warning before you change

49. Teaching Through Play f. Encourage independence. Help only when needed – don’t demand perfection. g. Use many are medias for the child to express themselves and developmental coordination h. Be the model you want the child imitate. Make it fun! i. Never, ever compare one child to another child.

50. Value of Play – Play teaches these things: 1. Social development – cooperation with both other children and adults. 2. Language development – learning to communicate and labeling new items. 3. Physical development – both large (are/leg) and small (fingers) motor skills are needed.

51. Value of Play – Play teaches these things: 4. Math skills – counting, shapes, puzzles, and problem-solving. 5. Moral development – Develop conscience and self-discipline. 6. Concentration increases – helps to keep focused and aware 7. Self-esteem increases – develop self- confidence and emotional security.

52. Toy Selection 1. Select toys for the age of the child. 2. Be aware of warning labels, materials, and ability to keep clean. 3. Adults go to work. Teens go to school. Young children learn through play. Be aware of this as you select their toys.

53. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules A. The whole point of discipline is to teach self-control. Most rules are absolute and must be followed EVERY time. Many of these rules involve protection and safety. Others can be bendable and exceptions can sometimes be made. But, rules are a necessary part of life (& also give the child security).

54. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules B. It is the adult’s responsibility to help children adapt to rules. C. Good discipline should be there to break the will and to protect the spirit of children. It is hard to break the will, but easy to break the child’s spirit. Some parents confuse the two. Do not ever tell a child that they are dumb, worthless, or good for nothing.

55. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules D. The rules must be simple, short, and enforced every time. Otherwise, a child does not know what to expect! E. Rules must be adapted to the age and “maturity” of a child. As they grow older, then the rules need to change. F. When possible, rules should be set up between the child and parent. This makes the children less likely to challenge the rules. Obviously, this is not always safe or possible.

56. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules G. When children have no rules or inconsistent rules, they become spoiled and immature. H. Describe a two year old temper tantrum: scream, hit, throw things, cry, bang head on the floor. I. Describe a teen or adult temper tantrum: same as child, except for head banging.

57. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules J. To help a spoiled child, no matter what the age, remember to be a. Firm and kind (in speech) b. Don’t ever change your mind once a decision is made.

58. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules K. Why is consistency important? a. The child knows what to expect b. It helps to develop the child’s conscience (sense of right and wrong) c. It helps to build up a child’s self-esteem d. It supports the child’s security needs. e. It helps the child to learn self-control.

59. What Does Not Work? Constant screaming- Louder is not always better. Threatening- “Stop that or I’ll break your arm!” Putting down the child- “You’re stupid and worthless!” Sarcasm- “Who did that picture? A two year old?” Attacking the child’s sense of worth, instead of the child’s behavior- “You’ll never do that right.” Out-of-control physical violence

60. Time Outs- (copy this in the margin of your paper!) The place can be a mat, a stool, a corner, a step, a room, or any place that the child is by herself and not able to be entertained. The amount of time is the same number of minutes as the child’s age. 5 year old = 5 minutes If they get up or are not quiet, the time doesn’t start until they are in one place and quiet. When done, they need to apologize for the behavior.

61. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules L. General Forms of Discipline a. Permissive – Very liberal and the child runs the show. Parents are push-overs and want to be the child’s friend. b. Authoritarian – Very restrictive and the parent runs the show. Parents allow the child no freedom, and decide on all the rules. Each child has identical rules, with no allowance for personality or circumstances. c. Democratic – freedom and responsibility are balanced = in all ages and stages.

62. How to Discipline – Learning the Rules M. Specific steps to take in stopping unacceptable behavior: 1. Address the child by name, using eye contact. 2. Tell them to immediately stop the behavior! 3. Give them two acceptable choices to do, instead of continuing the behavior. 4. Give a reason why it needs to stop.

63. Be sure to give lots of encouragement! Be truthful and specific in what they do well. Use “I” statements. I’m really proud of you– you went all morning without whining!” (Copy this in the margin of your paper!)

64. Infancy Typical Freedoms None Typical Responsibilities None

65. Age 3 Typical Freedoms Pick which color of pants they’ll will Choose which toy to play with Typical Responsibilities Pick up toys when done Clean hands before they eat Toilet training

66. Fifth Grade Typical Freedoms Choose their own friends Choose their hobbies Later bedtime than younger kids Typical Responsibilities Set table Take care of pets Clean room

67. Eighth Grade Typical Freedoms Group dating (in public places) Decide on their “look” Decide how to respond to peer pressure Typical Responsibilities Help with cooking, cleaning, household chores Save for large items they want Earn money, babysitting, etc.

68. Eleventh Grade Typical Freedoms Get a driver’s license! Later curfews Planning for the future Typical Responsibilities Part-time jobs Drive responsibly Planning for future

69. Adults Typical Freedoms Adults have all freedom – but we cannot pick the consequences. All so, mature adults choose wisely! Typical Responsibilities ALL

70. Children with too much responsibility and no freedom tend to what way as adults? Either too fearful and rigid, or go crazy and can’t handle the sudden freedom.

71. Children with too much freedom and no responsibility tend to behave what way as adults? Spoiled, selfish, immature, use other people.

72. Only punish for “willful disobedience.” Ask yourself--- Did they do this because : They WILL NOT (Then, they need to be punished) Or They CANNOT (Then, they need teaching and helping)