1. Definitions Topic Sentence –MUST support the thesis statement –States the main idea of the paragraph Concrete Detail –One of 30 notes you took from one of your 6 sources –States a HARD fact (uses percentages, numbers, states years, etc.) Commentary Sentences –Two sentences (per concrete detail) –Explains the relation between the concrete detail and the thesis –Can be an “If…then…” statement (i.e. If schools removed vending machines, then children would be less likely to eat junk food during the school day). Transition sentence –Completes paragraph while previewing the topic of the next paragraph –Connects the previous paragraph to the next one

2. Sample Body Paragraph #1 simple [Topic sentence]. [Concrete detail #1]. [Commentary 1]. [Commentary 2]. [Transition sentence]. Removing vending machines from schools would help lower childhood obesity percentages. According to a study conducted by researchers at Harvard, “Schools that have removed vending machines containing junk food have seen a 9% increase in extra-curricular activities and a 15% decrease in clinic visits” (“Fat Kids”). Based on the information above, schools that remove vending machines can expect to see their student populations increase their activity. Educators serious about seeing children make better food choices during the school day will also see a decrease in visits to the clinic. Removing vending machines that sell unhealthy foods is one of several decisions schools can make to help students; they can also require more physical education courses.

3. Sample Body Paragraph #2 complex [Topic sentence]. [Concrete detail #1]. [Commentary 1]. [Commentary 2]. [Concrete detail #2]. [Commentary 1]. [Commentary 2].[Transition sentence]. Removing vending machines from schools would help lower childhood obesity percentages. According to a study conducted by researchers at Harvard, “Schools that have removed vending machines containing junk food have seen a 9% increase in extra-curricular activities and a 15% decrease in clinic visits” (“Fat Kids”). Based on the information above, schools that remove vending machines can expect to see their student populations increase their activity. Educators serious about seeing children make better food choices during the school day will also see a decrease in visits to the clinic. Overweight students are six times more likely to make repeat visits to the clinic throughout the school year (McBain 4). Encouraging students to make healthy eating decisions will directly affect their health. The unhealthy foods some vending machines contain provide no nutrition or protection against average injuries. Removing vending machines that sell unhealthy foods is one of several decisions schools can make to help students; they can also require more physical education courses.

4. Do you want to graduate? Top errors from rough drafts.

5. Format- presentation 1” Margins Double Space Inserting Student # and Page #: Header- header should be same font as rest of paper Font: Times New Roman or Garamond Size: 12 point font Reminders: Works cited page is the last page of the paper. It is numbered with a header. It is the same font as the rest of the paper. YOU DO NOT ADD EXTRA SPACE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. The paper MUST be 4-7 pages. You should make sure that your paper carries onto the 5 th page.

6. Introductory paragraph Although we have been working on a two sentence introduction for timed essays, this is not the place for it. Your introduction should be roughly 5 sentences.

7. Parenthetical references YOU DO NOT HAVE PAGE NUMBERS IF YOU ACCESSED THE RESOURCE FROM THE WEB!!! YOU DO NOT HAVE PAGE NUMBERS IF YOU ACCESSED THE RESOURCE FROM THE WEB!!! You must differentiate between sources that begin with the same word. You must differentiate between sources that begin with the same word. Same last name: Same last name: (D. Smith 16); (L. Smith) (D. Smith 16); (L. Smith) Same title with no author: Same title with no author: (“Outsourcing: Economy”); (“Outsourcing America”). (“Outsourcing: Economy”); (“Outsourcing America”). Corporate authors: You must write out the entire name (Reader’s Digest) Indirect sources (qtd. in Brown 15). If there is a quotation within the quotation: “Human trafficking includes ‘prostitution and slavery’”( ).

8. Too many quotations ► YOU MUST VARY YOUR CDs. NOT ALL OF THEM CAN BE QUOTATIONS. YOU SHOULD SUMMARIZE AND PARAPHRASE SOME OF THEM. ► Make sure that you do not plop your quotations into your writing. You must embed them.

9. Quotations longer than 4 lines If your quotation is 4 lines or longer, you should always introduce it with a full sentence that helps capture how it fits into your argument. Do not place it in quotation marks. Instead, set it off as a block quotation: Although Dickens never shied away from the political controversies of his time, he never, in Orwell's view, identified himself with any political program: The truth is that Dickens' criticism of society is almost exclusively moral. Hence his lack of any constructive suggestion anywhere in his work. He attacks the law, parliamentary government, the educational system and so forth, without ever clearly suggesting what he would put in their places. Of course it is not necessarily the business of a novelist, or a satirist, to make constructive suggestions, but the point is that Dickens' attitude is at bottom not even destructive.... For in reality his target is not so much society as human nature. (416) The full-sentence introduction to a block quotation helps demonstrate your grasp of the source material, and it adds analytical depth to your essay. But the introduction alone is not enough. Long quotations almost invariably need to be followed by extended analysis. Never allow the quotation to do your work for you. You will want to keep the quotation and your analysis together in the same paragraph. Hence it is a good idea to avoid ending a paragraph with a quotation. You should avoid these as much as possible, and not include more than 1-2 in your paper. In most instances, the passages are better off paraphrased when you would NOT set a part from the text.

10. Context to some lead-ins Many people are using the author as part of the lead-in, which is good, but in many cases needs some context According to Clemmit, “Teachers should make a billion dollars a year” (Clemmit). What is wrong with this? Who is Clemmit? Why should we care what she says? Better: According to Marcia Clemmit, who conducted extensive research on the subject, “Teachers should make a billion dollars a year.”

11. Using your sources and Cross- referencing You MUST use at least 6 sources in your paper. Just because you have 6 sources on your works cited page, does not mean that you have used 6 sources. In fact, the easiest way to fail your paper is to have sources on that page that are not used in the paper. YOU MUST USE AT LEAST 1 PRINT SOURCE. THIS MEANS THERE MUST BE PAGE NUMBERS IN PARENTHETICALS OF YOUR PAPER. You also need to vary the databases that you use. Not all should come from SIRS.

12. A note about works cited Why did I have you turn these in 3 and 4 times? Why did I have you turn these in 3 and 4 times? Why are there still format issues on these pages? Why are there still format issues on these pages? FYI- I spent minimal time on WC pages on drafts. FYI- I spent minimal time on WC pages on drafts.

13. Some content issues You will NOT use 1 st or 2 nd person in this essay. This means: we, our, me, my, you, your, you’re. You will NOT use contractions in this paper. THIS IS NOT A FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY. If your paper has only 5 paragraphs, it is likely you will not pass. NEVER ASK QUESTIONS IN YOUR PAPER!!! Some people did a good job incorporating CAs and CCAs in papers. Some people really need to do so!!

14. More on content Many of you wrote purely about hypothetical situations. Many of you need to find specific cases that support the research. –If you are discussing the negative ways advertising affects the consumer, include specific cases of advertisers negatively influencing the consumer. Many of you make some big leaps in your CD to commentary –If your CD states something general, “experts suggest that doing smoking is bad for you” then jump to your commentary which states something like “This shows that teens that start smoking have a shorter life expectancy than those that don’t” You are making a big jump in logic.

15. Don’t do it The use of the phrases “I believe, I think, or In this essay”- No one cares if you make it sound like an opinion- sound sure of yourself!! Vague word choice: avoid “very, a lot, thing, got, seems, probably, maybe” Other vague words: –Good –Beautiful –Bad –Wonderful –Pretty

16. FIX!!! Do not use contractions such as wasn’t, use was not. Quote is a verb; Quotation is a noun. Always tell what “this” is referring to. Do not state “This is a great example of…” What is “this”? Instead “This example demonstrates…”

17. Don’t do it, yo! Avoid slang and other informal language, cliché’s, redundancies