1. SIGNIFICANCE Welcome To Vincent Mafu’s Presentation! Presentation! Taken from his book for women SIGNIFICANCE. SIGNIFICANCE. Vincent Mafu is a life coach by profession and a preacher by calling, and is the founder of TMTI (Talk Me Through It). TMTI (Talk Me Through It). To contact Vincent: To contact Vincent: www.vincemafu.com www.vincemafu.comwww.vincemafu.com vincentmccloud@yahoo.com vincentmccloud@yahoo.com vincentmccloud@yahoo.com 0767131676 0767131676

2. Dear Daddy! Scriptural reference Gen 29:13-35

3. SIGNIFICANCE There are four kinds of relationships :- 1. Those who add (+) 2. Those who multiply (x) 3. Those who divide (/) 4. Those who subtract (-)

4. SIGNIFICANCE Those who add value to our lives: Some men you will meet or have already met add value to your life. They are men with good virtues, good home upbringing, and highly disciplined people. When you come in contact with such people, your life sees light and automatically you add value to your life and living makes sense to you. They are the type of men that make you realize your dreams in a positive way without soiling your hands or delving into immorality and evil lifestyle.

5. SIGNIFICANCE Those who subtract from your life: This group of men is not ready to and will never add anything good to your life. They are parasites and chronic ones at that. You find them around you because they believe there is something they will gain from you. They are the “What do you have for us” type of friends. You are their friends because you are always there for them when any need arises. Once you are not ready and able to assist them in anything that ends your relationship with them. This group of men is not ready to and will never add anything good to your life. They are parasites and chronic ones at that. You find them around you because they believe there is something they will gain from you. They are the “What do you have for us” type of friends. You are their friends because you are always there for them when any need arises. Once you are not ready and able to assist them in anything that ends your relationship with them.

6. SIGNIFICANCE Those who leave you the way they meet you: This group is yet another type of men with meet in this life race. They come into your life, play with you, move around with you and they don’t subtract or add anything good or bad to your life. They are there for the sake of just being there. They don’t make any impact in your life when they are there or not it makes no difference. This group is yet another type of men with meet in this life race. They come into your life, play with you, move around with you and they don’t subtract or add anything good or bad to your life. They are there for the sake of just being there. They don’t make any impact in your life when they are there or not it makes no difference.

7. SIGNIFICANCE Those who waste you: Those who waste you: This group is almost like those who subtract from your life, but the difference here is that their impact on your life is more deadly than those who subtract from your life. They are known to waste your time, your resources, your talent, your abilities, your competencies, your skills and your person as well. These types of men do not come into your life with any good intention. From the onset, they have made up their minds that they are coming into your life to reduce you to nothing and until they actualize that they won’t leave. This group is almost like those who subtract from your life, but the difference here is that their impact on your life is more deadly than those who subtract from your life. They are known to waste your time, your resources, your talent, your abilities, your competencies, your skills and your person as well. These types of men do not come into your life with any good intention. From the onset, they have made up their minds that they are coming into your life to reduce you to nothing and until they actualize that they won’t leave.

8. SIGNIFICANCE Those who love you genuinely: Those who love you genuinely: Here we find men who love you with all their heart. They meet you, like you, like your type of person, like the type of work you do and like everything about you. Here we find men who love you with all their heart. They meet you, like you, like your type of person, like the type of work you do and like everything about you. These types of men will go out of their ways to make you succeed in life. They are happy when you are happy, sad when you are sad, rejoice when you do and take you to the innermost part of their hearts. They are your real friends. You may not know these kinds of men when things are going well for you. There are some of your friends today that you may think are in this group, but try and fake hard times and rough times and watch how many real friends you actually have. These types of men will go out of their ways to make you succeed in life. They are happy when you are happy, sad when you are sad, rejoice when you do and take you to the innermost part of their hearts. They are your real friends. You may not know these kinds of men when things are going well for you. There are some of your friends today that you may think are in this group, but try and fake hard times and rough times and watch how many real friends you actually have.

9. SIGNIFICANCE Those who love what you have and not you: This is yet another group of men we find in our lives. This group loves you because of what they see around you. They love you because of your possessions, your abilities, your intelligence etc. These qualities are what attract them to you and not your personality. They love you for what you have, what you are and not who you are. These types of men leave you when they can’t find those things that attracted them to you in the first place. This is yet another group of men we find in our lives. This group loves you because of what they see around you. They love you because of your possessions, your abilities, your intelligence etc. These qualities are what attract them to you and not your personality. They love you for what you have, what you are and not who you are. These types of men leave you when they can’t find those things that attracted them to you in the first place.

10. SIGNIFICANCE Those who exploit you: Just like those who subtract from you and those who waste you and your resources, this group are your friends or get attached to you because they want to exploit you. Just like those who subtract from you and those who waste you and your resources, this group are your friends or get attached to you because they want to exploit you.

11. SIGNIFICANCE Those who bless you: Those who bless you: This includes those who become blessing to you once they come into your life. Your association or relationship with them leads to your being blessed. People in this group include spiritual friends that pray for you at their quite time. Those who protect your interest even when you are not there. Your pastors also come into this group. They are always blessing you and praying for your good and interceding on your behalf even when you are not with them. Aside from prayers, men in this group can bless you with their finances, their goodwill and material things. This includes those who become blessing to you once they come into your life. Your association or relationship with them leads to your being blessed. People in this group include spiritual friends that pray for you at their quite time. Those who protect your interest even when you are not there. Your pastors also come into this group. They are always blessing you and praying for your good and interceding on your behalf even when you are not with them. Aside from prayers, men in this group can bless you with their finances, their goodwill and material things.

12. SIGNIFICANCE Those who kill you: Those who kill you: These types of men are those who come into your life and kill you. Some men may waste your life, exploit you and subtract from you, but still leave you alive. But these men have the sole aim to destroy you and leave you dead. When one intentionally shuts your source of livelihood, he has already killed you, if he has his way with a gun, he will shoot you to death. Some go all out to hire assassins to kill you if they can’t do it by themselves. This is true and such is life. These types of men are those who come into your life and kill you. Some men may waste your life, exploit you and subtract from you, but still leave you alive. But these men have the sole aim to destroy you and leave you dead. When one intentionally shuts your source of livelihood, he has already killed you, if he has his way with a gun, he will shoot you to death. Some go all out to hire assassins to kill you if they can’t do it by themselves. This is true and such is life.

13. SIGNIFICANCE Those who push your away from God, your destiny, your dreams and your life desires: Those who push your away from God, your destiny, your dreams and your life desires: This last set of men is there to destroy you. They will do everything to push away from your divine purpose in life by making you to be far from your creator. They make you to forget your goals in life. They stop you and discourage you from following your dreams and your heart desires. Like a recurring nightmare, certain women can’t seem to break the cycle of attracting men who are bona fide dogs. These women seem to have a penchant for ending up in risky relationships and miserable marriages with loathsome males, but why? Why are dishonorable males constantly drawn to these women? Why do the men they attract turn out to be abusers, liars, misogynistic, cheaters, fakes and men who end up ripping their hearts out? The liberating truth awaits you… This last set of men is there to destroy you. They will do everything to push away from your divine purpose in life by making you to be far from your creator. They make you to forget your goals in life. They stop you and discourage you from following your dreams and your heart desires. Like a recurring nightmare, certain women can’t seem to break the cycle of attracting men who are bona fide dogs. These women seem to have a penchant for ending up in risky relationships and miserable marriages with loathsome males, but why? Why are dishonorable males constantly drawn to these women? Why do the men they attract turn out to be abusers, liars, misogynistic, cheaters, fakes and men who end up ripping their hearts out? The liberating truth awaits you…

14. SIGNIFICANCE The purpose of a father figure to a woman  Affirms femininity  Affirms value  Affirms self worth  Define masculinity

15. SIGNIFICANCE Daddy how could you? Leah’s pain:- She grew up in a house where she was never affirmed by her father. He valued her as a mere transaction in a business deal. As a result, she attracted a man who was just like a father. You’ll always attract a man just like your father. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. If you dog yourself, people will dog you around. She was attached to a man who put her to a comparative analysis with somebody else. She was tender eyed.

16. SIGNIFICANCE  ABUSE Sexual Sexual Physical Physical Emotional Emotional Mental Mental  How far back does it date? Judges 19:23 – 29 Judges 19:23 – 29 2 Samuel 13:1 - 17 2 Samuel 13:1 - 17

17. SIGNIFICANCE RAPE & SEXUAL ABUSE Physical Signs:  Any injury, soreness, redness, swelling or itching around the genital or anal area  Venereal disease  Fluctuations in body mass  Pregnancy Behavioural Signs:  Inappropriate sexual play with self and others  Inappropriate sexually explicit drawings  Knowledge of sexual acts that is age- inappropriate  Seductive behaviour  Excessive masturbation

18. It’s cos he loves me… RAPE & SEXUAL ABUSE Behavioural Signs Contd…  Double dressing  Avoidance of bathrooms  Late arrival or absence from school  Personality changes  Change in appetite  Sudden weight gain/loss  Self mutilation  Inability to concentrate  Promiscuity  Prostitution  Running away

19. It’s cos he loves me… RAPE & SEXUAL ABUSE Behavioural Signs Contd…  Locking doors  Very eager to please others (over- compliance)  Depression  Suicidal tendencies  Nightmares  Not wanting friends to visit at home  Not wanting to go home or getting home too early

20. It’s cos he loves me… SOME SAD STATISTICS:  25% of the young men in another survey admitted to having had sex with a woman, without her consent, before he was 18 years of age.  Most South African rapists go unpunished because it is one of the most under-reported crimes, and because it has one of the lowest conviction rates.  A more recent study reports that more and more girls are being raped before they reach the age of 15 years old.

21. It’s cos he loves me… SOME SAD STATISTICS:  Three out of every ten young men admitted that they could act violently with a girl.  About one half of the young men believed that if a girl says "No" to sex, that she really means "Yes."  One third of the men and women who were surveyed, did not think that to force sex on someone you know, is an act of sexual violence.  Reasons why young men rape girls include: to put her in her place, to teach her a lesson, to break her pride.

22. It’s cos he loves me… BREAKING THE SILENCE Young children don’t fully understand what is happening Young children don’t fully understand what is happening Usually the perpetrator is someone known and trusted Usually the perpetrator is someone known and trusted Some women blame themselves or are ashamed Some women blame themselves or are ashamed Some try to block the experience out of their minds Some try to block the experience out of their minds Some fear they will not be believed Some fear they will not be believed Without help, it could lead to problems like eating disorders, depression or substance abuse Without help, it could lead to problems like eating disorders, depression or substance abuse Rape Crisis centre: 021 447 1467 Rape Crisis centre: 021 447 1467 Church support Church support

23. It’s cos he loves me…  IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ABUSIVE? Constant put downs Constant put downs Who was that who looked at you? Who was that who looked at you? Demure and downtrodden Demure and downtrodden All on my own All on my own Last minute cancellations Last minute cancellations Not a cent to be spent Not a cent to be spent Temper tantrums Temper tantrums Violent assaults Violent assaults Your children are quiet and withdrawn Your children are quiet and withdrawn

25. It’s cos he loves me…  LEAVING YOUR ABUSIVE SPOUSE Call in the experts Call in the experts Revitalise your support structure Revitalise your support structure Find out the truth behind the threats Find out the truth behind the threats Call in the big guns Call in the big guns Don't live alone at first Don't live alone at first Alert security at work Alert security at work Get an interdict Get an interdict Get some counselling Get some counselling Be pennywise Be pennywise Don't go out alone at night Don't go out alone at night Phone the school Phone the school

26. It’s cos he loves me…  ABUSE OF THE MIND  1994 survey done in the 7 world regions. 8000 people responded:- 43% emotional abuse 43% emotional abuse 1 in 5 Adventists experience emotional abuse at home. 1 in 5 Adventists experience emotional abuse at home.  Another study done by the National Violence Against Women Survey revealed that out of 16 000 respondents:- It accounted for more than 50% of the abuse of women; and It accounted for more than 50% of the abuse of women; and More than 75% of the abuse of men. More than 75% of the abuse of men.  Places victims at risk for long-term physical and mental health problems.

27. Till death do us part? BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS … SHATTERED DREAMS John 4:13 – 18

28. SIGNIFICANCE ATTENTION SEEKERS! Women often become frustrated when they are not given the attention they desire from their partners. No kind words, no flowers, no hugs, no words of praise. However, words of praise go both ways. Women need it from the men in their lives, the same way men need it from the women in their lives. Jacob did not love Leah as he should have but he was married to her and it was her legal right that he should have sex with her, and this launched the opportunity for her productivity to be unleashed. Women often become frustrated when they are not given the attention they desire from their partners. No kind words, no flowers, no hugs, no words of praise. However, words of praise go both ways. Women need it from the men in their lives, the same way men need it from the women in their lives. Jacob did not love Leah as he should have but he was married to her and it was her legal right that he should have sex with her, and this launched the opportunity for her productivity to be unleashed. You never know how to fully love until you learn how to love yourself! This, you cannot achieve without God. Your understanding of yourself and your understanding of God is intertwined. Leah’s experience is a painful one for any woman. She found herself overwhelmed by feelings of being used, abandoned, unwanted and undesired. You never know how to fully love until you learn how to love yourself! This, you cannot achieve without God. Your understanding of yourself and your understanding of God is intertwined. Leah’s experience is a painful one for any woman. She found herself overwhelmed by feelings of being used, abandoned, unwanted and undesired. Then, she had children. Then, she had children.

29. SIGNIFICANCE Look at Me! Look at Me! Leah’s first born son means, “to look”. Leah’s first born son means, “to look”. ‘The Lord has surely looked on my affliction. ‘The Lord has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore my husband will love me.Genesis 29:32 Now therefore my husband will love me.Genesis 29:32 The significance of her naming her first-born Reuben was a sign of her longing and desire for attention, acceptance and belonging. She was saying to Jacob, “Please be my lover!” The significance of her naming her first-born Reuben was a sign of her longing and desire for attention, acceptance and belonging. She was saying to Jacob, “Please be my lover!” People resort to extreme measures in an attempt to get emotional attention. Leah thought that by having a baby boy, it would win Jacob’s attention, but it did not. Why? Because you cannot teach someone who to care. People resort to extreme measures in an attempt to get emotional attention. Leah thought that by having a baby boy, it would win Jacob’s attention, but it did not. Why? Because you cannot teach someone who to care.

30. SIGNIFICANCE Listen to Me! Listen to Me! Leah’s second born son was named Simeon, which means “to hear”. Leah’s second born son was named Simeon, which means “to hear”. ‘And she conceived again, and said, “Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, He hath therefore given me this son also.”’ Genesis 29:33 ‘And she conceived again, and said, “Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, He hath therefore given me this son also.”’ Genesis 29:33 The relevance in naming her second son Simeon was in protest to Jacob. She had a desire to be heard. She wanted Jacob to hear her opinions and feelings. It was a cry that every time he slept with her, she wanted to him to give her more that just sex, she wanted love. The relevance in naming her second son Simeon was in protest to Jacob. She had a desire to be heard. She wanted Jacob to hear her opinions and feelings. It was a cry that every time he slept with her, she wanted to him to give her more that just sex, she wanted love. There is a major difference between having sex and making love, between a house and a home, between a seed and a fruit. There is a difference. There is a major difference between having sex and making love, between a house and a home, between a seed and a fruit. There is a difference. It is a tragedy to be attached to a man that acts like he hears you but does not. It damages your self-esteem and self-value. It is a tragedy to be attached to a man that acts like he hears you but does not. It damages your self-esteem and self-value.

31. SIGNIFICANCE Connect with Me! Connect with Me! Levi means “to be joined” or “to be connected”. Levi means “to be joined” or “to be connected”. ‘And she conceived again and bore a son and said, “Now this time my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons.”’ ‘And she conceived again and bore a son and said, “Now this time my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons.”’ Genesis 29:34 Genesis 29:34 If I can put down the way a black frustrated woman would say in having to call her third son ‘Levi’, she was saying to Jacob, “Connect with me damn it! Because I am the one giving you the bloody babies!!” If I can put down the way a black frustrated woman would say in having to call her third son ‘Levi’, she was saying to Jacob, “Connect with me damn it! Because I am the one giving you the bloody babies!!” Even after giving Jacob three healthy sons, Jacob still did not give Leah the attention and love she desired. Rachel, the one who was most loved, however, began to hate her even more. Even after giving Jacob three healthy sons, Jacob still did not give Leah the attention and love she desired. Rachel, the one who was most loved, however, began to hate her even more.

32. SIGNIFICANCE Leah’s true desire was that Jacob might genuinely love her and be intimate with her. The truth of the matter is that a man might give you his body, but not his heart. A marriage is not merely a ring and a license. It is possible to sleep in the same bed and not be one. How then, do you handle situations that are so devastating? What do you do when, despite your attempts, you cannot make another love you, respect you and care for you? What do you do when you have failed to find the lover in your man? Leah’s true desire was that Jacob might genuinely love her and be intimate with her. The truth of the matter is that a man might give you his body, but not his heart. A marriage is not merely a ring and a license. It is possible to sleep in the same bed and not be one. How then, do you handle situations that are so devastating? What do you do when, despite your attempts, you cannot make another love you, respect you and care for you? What do you do when you have failed to find the lover in your man? Do what Leah finally did: hand the case over to God! Do what Leah finally did: hand the case over to God!

33. SIGNIFICANCE Giving the case to God! Giving the case to God! Leah’s fourth son was named Judah, Leah’s fourth son was named Judah, meaning “let Jehovah be praised”. meaning “let Jehovah be praised”. ‘And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “Now I will praise the Lord.”’ ‘And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “Now I will praise the Lord.”’ Genesis 29:35 Genesis 29:35

34. The End….! Vincent Mafu is a life coach by profession and a preacher by calling, and is the founder of TMTI (Talk Me Through It). TMTI (Talk Me Through It). To contact Vincent: To contact Vincent: www.vincemafu.com www.vincemafu.comwww.vincemafu.com vincentmccloud@yahoo.com vincentmccloud@yahoo.com vincentmccloud@yahoo.com 0767131676 0767131676