1. A presentation by: Kenneth Joe Galloway CEO - Knowledge, Growth & Support, Ltd. kjg@kg-support.com www.kennethjoe.com kjg@kg-support.com www.kennethjoe.com

2. A lonely man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted.“ The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

3. A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, while you go talk to the bus driver, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

4. Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back?

5. Sam: Why are you crying? James: The elephant is dead. Sam: Was he your pet? James: No. Sam: So, why are you crying. James: Because I'm the one who must dig his grave.

6. Sam said to God --- Why did you make my girlfriend so beautiful? God said to Sam --- So that you will love her. Sam said to God --- But why did you have to make her so dumb? God said to Sam --- So that she will love you.

7. no sweat No problem When asked if he could handle the job, he replied “no sweat.” The test was easy, no sweat at all.

8. throw the book at To impose a severe penalty on someone; to give the maximum penalty for a crime His crime was so bad they threw the book at him. The judge told my lawyer that he is going to throw the book at me unless I beg the court for mercy. 'The book' is the entire collection of laws and penalties.

9. an arm and a leg A large amount of money; very expensive or costly. My new Mercedes cost me an arm and a leg! Some things are so expensive that they are painful to buy, and cost everything you have.

10. back seat driver Someone who gives unwanted advice; someone who tries to run things even though they don't have the power or authority to do so. Rob is the worst back seat driver I know - he's always telling me what to do. I wish I could tell my boss to stop being such a back seat driver. I don't need to hear his comments every ten minutes! Sometimes people riding in the back of a car will give advice to the driver; this is usually more annoying than helpful. This phrase can be used literally (in a car) or more generally to make fun of someone who is giving unwanted advice.

11. basket case Crazy; hopelessly broken down After his wife left him, Paul was a real basket case. The corporation was such a basket case that the owners had to shut it down. From World war I lingo, used to describe a soldier so badly wounded that he had to be carried in a basket.