Swearing!!!!!! S%*T F**k C”N& B~#~H

Why is swearing unacceptable? When a person swears within earshot of other people it can often cause offence and can be very upsetting, particularly if children are close by and able to hear the foul language that is being used. Swearing and use of inappropriate language is an issue that plays a large part of the majority of complaints professionals receive regarding anti-social behaviour, especially within educational establishments.

The issue of the general use of foul language is difficult to resolve in the context of modern society. Sadly, it is now impossible to avoid hearing foul language being used. Many people use expletives openly and frequently in most public places such as shops and pubs, when using public transport and generally in the street, which means in turn our younger generation feel that it is perfectly acceptable to swear in public. One of the main hurdles we face in re-integrating a child into a new educational setting is the frequent use of inappropriate language. Almost every school or educational establishment will have a behaviour policy which very clearly states that swearing will not be tolerated!

Why do children swear? It can be quite a shock when you start hearing your child swear for the first time. There may be many reasons why your child is using foul language however the way in which you deal with it can influence future behaviour.

Being frustrated by limitations and wanting to test limits. Copying the behaviour of other people around them. Realising that being disrespectful gets a reaction: laughs, shouting, shock – either way it’s attention. Feeling they are being treated unfairly or are not being listened to. This can particularly be the case with backchat or mumbled comments.

Children might also swear to fit in socially. They might be trying to be part of the group, or to stand out by being funny or adding shock value to their talk. Children might also be imitating others when they swear. Some children swear because it gets a strong reaction from their parents/care givers/professionals

Children pick up swear words from many sources, outside and inside the home. Almost half of parents in a recent government survey reported that they believe that their children learned to swear from the parents themselves. This isn’t too surprising – as more than 40% of the parents surveyed said they swear every day. Even 19% of parents who said they don’t swear themselves believe that their children learned to swear from parents. This suggests there are quite a few families where one parent has more colourful language than the other. But not all children learn from their parents. Research suggests that exposure to swear words on TV can lead to an increase in swearing in children. Friends and peers will also influence your child. Children will pick up new words as their social circle expands to include playmates, school friends and older children.

How to tackle your child’s swearing It’s a good idea for the adults in your home to discuss and agree on acceptable language. For example, in some families, expressions such as ‘Oh my god’ are OK, but other words are not. You might also explain to your child that some words that are acceptable at home might not be acceptable at school (or other settings such as Youth Club or other children’s homes). Different places have different rules!

Be aware of what your child watches, listens to and plays with. That means supervising and checking the ratings on TV, MOVIES and other multimedia and music. It’s also a good idea to have the computer and TV in a part of the house where you can easily see them.

If you find it difficult to stop swearing yourself, try to find alternative words to use or another way to deal with the situation. Adults often swear when they’re frustrated or angry. Instead of swearing, try to say something like, ‘I am really angry because… ’. This way you’re modelling better ways of expressing feelings. If your child has heard you swearing, it can also help to explain why you were swearing.

Practical steps There is the possibility that your words will go in one ear and out the other. If this is the case, you need to let your child know there will be a punishment if he continues to swear - for example, each time he swears from now on, he will lose 15 minutes off his bedtime. To really inspire your child to try, you can also add that if he has done a really good job by the end of the week, there will be a weekend treat -maybe he can stay up later, see a video or have a friend over to play. Whatever you decide is up to you; just make sure it is something reasonable (not a new bike!) and something that inspires your child to try. Also ensure that the award is appropriate. It wouldn’t make sense to work hard all week to encourage your child to speak appropriately to then undo all of your hard work by rewarding them with 30 minutes on an inappropriate computer game!

For children who are older, an effective thing you can do as a family to stop swearing is to establish a “Swear Jar”. If anyone in your family swears, they have to put a coin into the jar. If money isn’t readily available, a checkmark can go next to your child’s name, and every check might equal 10 minutes of an extra chore. Doing their regular chores shouldn’t be a consequence; you should give your child extra things to do. Look at it this way: if you make your child do the dishes because he swore, and then you ask him to do them again on Thursday night, he’s going to ask, “Why? I didn’t do anything wrong.” He’ll feel like he’s being punished when all you want is for him to do his normal chores around the house. So it’s an extra chore you want to add on. The sooner you give them the consequence after they’ve sworn the better.

Create an ‘acceptable words’ poster for all of the family to use. Suggesting alternate words or sayings (words like Crikey, Gee Whizz, Fiddle Sticks,etc. are not commonly considered to be offensive). This works especially well if the words are funny sounding; this may make kids prefer to say them than the offensive words. Ensure that the whole family take part in producing the poster and see who can come up the craziest, appropriate word

Lastly……….. Ensure you praise your child when they are getting it right. It can be extremely hard to break the habit of swearing in both children and adults however the benefits will speak for themselves!