God’s Acres based on Mark 4:3-8, 14-20 ©2004 David Skarshaug (www.alcames.org). Conditions for use: (1) If you use all or parts of this script in any form,

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God’s Acres based on Mark 4:3-8, ©2004 David Skarshaug ( Conditions for use: (1) If you use all or parts of this script in any form, please consider sending a suggested $25 donation check made out to “The ROCK” to the following address: Ascension Lutheran Church, 615 Kellogg, Ames, IA Reference the script title in the memo on the check. (2) Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. (3) You may reproduce this script for internal use, but all copies must contain this copyright statement.

Parts & Props: Lisa (Fancy Clothes & Hat) Oliver (Vest, Coat, Hat, Pitch Fork) Hank Gimble (Hat, Jacket) Arnold Ziffel (Scull Cap, Pig Nose) Satan (“Satan” Sign around neck) Trouble (“Trouble” Sign around neck) Persecution (“Persecution” Sign around neck) Worries (“Worries” Sign around neck) Deceit & Lies (“Deceit” & “Lies” Signs around neck)

Setting: “Green Acres” music fades. Mr. & Mrs. Douglas stand in “American Gothic” position with pitchfork. Oliver:Lisa, what are all these people doing on our farm?

Lisa:They just purchased 7 acres of farmland and need advice on what to do with it. I told them you were an expert, Oliver. Oliver:Lisa, anyone who watches our show knows I’m no expert on what to do with farmland. They need a real expert.

Lisa:Say, isn‘t that Mr. Gimble over there, our wonderfully helpful county extension agent. Oliver:What’s he doing here this time of the morning? Lisa:Let’s find out.

Hank Gimble:Oh, Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas. Oliver:Good morning, Mr. Gimble. What brings you to this neck of the woods. Hank Gimble:Oh that’s easy. My Jeep.

Oliver:No, no…I mean why are you here? Hank Gimble:Where? Oliver:Here, on my farm. Hank Gimble:MY farm? I thought this was YOUR farm.

Oliver:Never mind where you are. What are you doing? Hank Gimble:What am I doing? Hmm, come to think of it, what am I doing? Lisa:It looked like you were looking for something.

Hank Gimble:That’s it! I’m looking for something! Oliver:Well? Hank Gimble:Well what? Oliver:What are you looking for?

Hank Gimble:Well, it’s not so much a “what” as a “whom”. I’m looking for Arnold Ziffel. Oliver:The pig? (Arnold appears with a script in his mouth.)

Lisa:Oliver, stop it. You know how it upset’s Arnold when you refer to him like that. Oliver:Lisa, he’s a pig. Lisa:What have you got Arnold?

Arnold:Oink, Oink, Oink, Oink. Lisa:You say you have a Biblical narrative for the lovely people who have come to visit? Arnold:Oink, Oink, Oink, Oink.

Lisa:And you’d like me to read it as Mr. Douglas and Mr. Gimble help some of your school friends act out the parts? Oliver:Well, I. Lisa:Oliver! After you insulted him by calling him a pig, it’s the least you can do.

Oliver:All right, all right. I’ll help the pig…I mean I’ll help Arnold with his skit! Lisa:“A farmer went out to sow his seed.” Go ahead, sow seed, Oliver. (Mr. Douglas tosses some seed.)

Lisa:“As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up.” (Gimble “grows” but Satan comes in and eats him.)

Lisa:“Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.”

(Mr. Douglas throws seed on the ground. Gimble grows, but Trouble & Persecution comes out and slaps him, so he falls over and dies.)

Lisa:“Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain.” (Mr. Douglas throws seed on the ground. Gimble grows, but Worries, Deceit, & Lies grow up by him and choke him and he dies.)

Lisa:“Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times.” (Mr. Douglas throws seed on the ground. Gimble grows and extends his arms like a huge tree.)

Lisa:(Applauds.) Bravo, bravo! Oliver:So what does this have to do with helping these people in their task of building a new church? Arnold:Oink, oink, oink, oink.

Lisa:Well, Arnold says Jesus’ disciples asked the same question shortly before He left them to build his church on earth. Arnold:Oink, oink, oink, oink.

Lisa:Arnold says God is ultimately the farmer and His word is the seed. Just as this good farmland has yielded crops for a human farmer, it can now be used to produce an even more valuable harvest for God. (Cont’d)

Lisa: (Cont’d) Although not everyone who hears God’s word through this church will become a Christian, we must ultimately remember that the land is God’s, the farmer is God, and the seed is God’s.

Hank Gimble:Smart pig. Oliver:Yes…I guess he is.