The Wounded Leader How Real Leadership Emerges in Times of Crisis Strengthening the Heartbeat January 9-11, 2008 Calvin College, Prince Center, Grand Rapids, MI James A. DeKorne, VP of School Services Christian Schools International

Basic Questions Q1: How does a reasonable, well-intentioned person, who happens to be a school leader, preserve a healthy sense of self in the face of factors that challenge that self?

Basic Questions Q2: What perspective on the work of leadership can shed light on these challenges and produce a mind-set that leaves the individual open to learn and grow from these experiences?

Early Advice “Never trust anyone without a limp.”

Premise of Our Work The scope of wounding is universal –Everyone experiences it The result of wounding is powerful –For good or for ill The details of wounding remain very personal –Even when many details are public, the wound itself is private One context for wound-healing and sense-making is story-telling –Being able to talk with trusted colleagues begins the healing process

Book Definitions You Crisis Quest Chaos Restitution

Book Outline Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders)

The Fertile Soil Isolation Need for control Other-centeredness – responding to others’ needs Public exposure Conformity to others’ expectations – difficult to be fully you Subverted power – powerlessness Fear Issues are unacknowledged and hidden

Book Outline Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound)

What Hurts? Core value dissonance Thwarted deepest desires and goals Unanswered prayer Differing agendas Public misunderstanding

Book Outline Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Responses (How to survive, thrive, and grow)

Responses Acknowledgment Honesty Pay attention to unattended areas Thank God for your wounds Invite others into your world “The wound is not the crisis, it is how you respond to it”

Book Outline Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Responses (How to survive, thrive, and grow) Ministry (How to help others)

Pathologies that Prevent Ministry Denial of your own woundedness Dumping on others Directing all energies to eliminate pain Displaying woundedness as a badge “Wounds are pathways to become what you are capable of; they are not ends in themselves.”

Ministry What to do if you meet a wounded leader crossing the road: –Don’t ask, “Why did you cross the road?” –Ask: “What is happening now?” –Stay in touch with your own fear – it may soon be you. –Ask: “How do you feel about it?” –Don’t push the person in a direction you might choose yourself. –Ask: “What do you want to do about it?” –Use your own wounds to develop understanding and compassion. –Laugh at fearful things together. –Just listen. –Bring them to Jesus.

Book Outline Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Responses (How to survive, thrive, and grow) Ministry (How to help others)

Biblical Examples Peter –“I don’t know the man!” x 3 –“Do you love me?” x 3 Paul –“Persecution zeal” award –Sent to live with other believers

Paul’s Words to You To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh [i.e. a wound], a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, [my wounds] so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Our Task Group Discussion –Only reveal what you feel comfortable saying –No need to impress anyone –Focus on what others can learn Goals –Tell your story –Develop capacity to hear other stories

Questions to Guide Us Describe a time when you have been wounded. –Did anything good come from it? –Would you want to repeat the experience? Why or why not? –Have you implemented any strategies to prevent wounding? Is that a good thing?

Questions to Guide Us In the ‘quest’, wounding is the only way to achieve what needs to be achieved. –Can you name a wounding experience that you can look back on with gratefulness?

The Journey Continues …