The Christian Family #7 Keys to Child-Rearing Last time, we tried to answer the question: “What do children owe their parents?” We identified 3 basic answers: 1.Obedience, Eph.6:1; Col.3:20; 2.Honor, Eph.6:2; and 3.Trust & Deference (to their wisdom), Prov.23: Great! Now how do you get a toddler (or a teenager!) to give you these???

Keys to Child-Rearing First, let’s define a couple of terms:  Parent- The etymology is from the French parere- to give birth to; it is defined as “one that begets or brings forth offspring”. Whereas,  Rear- As a verb, the word means “to erect by building; construct…to cause to grow…to breed and raise (an animal) for use or market”. Despite our current vernacular, I prefer child-rearing to parenting. Any two knuckleheads of sufficient age can produce a child, but it takes mature, dedicated, and preferably bible-based / God-centered adults to become child-rearers.

Keys to Child-Rearing Second, the disclaimer: My advice is just that- advice. I am not formally trained in this field. My “training,” as is the case with most everyone, is largely from my parents. I am not any sort of expert putting “my techniques” on display as a perfect model. Despite Donna’s great influence, my young men have had to overcome my sometimes feeble efforts at child- rearing. So from the beginning of this series, we’ve tried to stress the Bible as our source of “Expert” advice and guidance in all matters relating to the Family.

Keys to Child-Rearing Third, Understand the Basis. Child-rearing should be based on the combination of primarily 3 things: 1.Biblical Directives- what the Bible specifically says regarding the subject, Eph.6:4; Col.3:20-21; Deut.6; Proverbs; et al. 2.Biblical Perspectives- keeping the right things in proper focus, Psalm 127:3-5; Matt.6: Practical Experience / Common Sense- People have been using God’s Word and common sense to raise decent, godly children for thousands of years without the help of so-called “experts” who write books or host TV shows. The ability doesn’t come from academia, it comes from a heart and mind committed to God and your family. So….

Keys to Child-Rearing Key #1, Don’t Be Intimidated -by “experts” who write books on the subject. Question: “If you want to write and sell a book on a subject that has been accomplished fairly well by godly people with common sense for thousands of years, what should you write?” Something “new” and “different” from anything available, right? But what if you want to write and sell a book on this subject after thousands of other books have been written and sold on the same subject? What do you have to write then? Still something “new” and “different.” Now do you see how the “experts” have gotten so far away from what worked pretty much every time it was implemented for thousands of years?

Keys to Child-Rearing Key #1, Don’t Be Intimidated (cont.) -by the notion that it is outrageously difficult. Have you ever felt (or said) something like this: “Raising children is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do!”? If so, you’re probably going about it wrong, or at least have the wrong idea about how it is supposed to work. For god-centered adults, raising children should be as natural as producing them- and you didn’t need “experts” for that. If we’ve followed God’s plan for becoming a Christian, and followed His plan for becoming a godly husband and wife, then we just follow His plan for becoming godly parents who raise godly children! Think about it this way….

Keys to Child-Rearing Key #1, Don’t Be Intimidated -by the notion that it is outrageously difficult. (cont.) Compare it to “raising” a plant- how do you do that? Step #1- Prepare the Soil, Matt.13:8 > Eph.5:22-31,33 Step #2- Plant the Seed, Heb.13:4 > Jas.1:21,18 Step #3- Provide Essential Nutrients, Matt.13:8 > 1Pet.2:2 Physical Provision- food, shelter, clothing, protection Love- parental love, as per the example of God to His children Guidance- spiritual, discipline, and common sense Step #4- Reap the Harvest of Your Labors- in this case, joyfully watching them as mature, independent, Christian adults repeat the process with your grandchildren!

Keys to Child-Rearing Key #2, Have a Parent-Centered Family. I do not mean to negate having a God-Centered family, I do mean to negate having a Child(ren)-Centered family. See if you can spot what’s wrong with this statement: “In my family, the children come first.” Unless we went about it backwards, the parents produced the “family,” not the other way around! God gave Eve to Adam before He gave them Cain and Abel. Gen.2:18-24 > 4:1-2 The Husband-Wife relationship not only produced the children, but that relationship also sustains the children- again, not the other way around. Making the children the center of the family, usually damages the husband-wife relationship, and always damages the children. They do not have to mental maturity to direct the families’ focus, nor dominate the families’ activities.

Keys to Child-Rearing Key #2, Have a Parent-Centered Family. (cont.) Think of the family as a “cell” with a nucleus. The “nucleus” of the cell is that which directs, determines, and dominates everything that the cell does. If that “nucleus” is allowed/made to be the children, you been unfair to the children by giving them responsibilities they are not equipped to handle. When the children become the “center” (nucleus) of the family, their thoughts, desires, and activities become foremost, and the husband-wife relationship will suffer, if it is not destroyed. Ladies, your husband was your first responsibility in the family, and he still is after children are added, Eph.5:22-24,33b; Titus 2:4. Keep it that way and the children will be fine. Gentlemen, your wife was your first responsibility in the family, and she still is after the children are added, Eph.5:25-31; 1Pet.3:7. Keep it that way and the children will be fine.

Keys to Child-Rearing Key #2, Have a Parent-Centered Family. (cont.) What are some practical examples of this principle? While it is certainly important to spend time with children “in their world,” it is also important that they are taught to realize and respect “Daddy & Mommy time”- and that they not be allowed to eliminate or distract the parent’s time and attention paid to one another. Don’t allow the children to dominate conversations. Children need to be allowed to express themselves. They do not need to be allowed to dominate every conversation. They learn respect for adults in general by being taught at home that they are not to interrupt Dad and/or Mom, or speak when it is otherwise inappropriate. Just remember this: the children are an important part of the family, but there was a “family’ before there were children, and if we do it right, there will be a family after they move out.

Keys to Child-Rearing Conclusions: We will address other “Keys” to Child-Rearing in other lessons, but for now, remember: Key #1- Don’t be Intimidated, this isn’t rocket science, it’s making good decisions based on God’s Word, and then implementing them in your family. Key #2- Have a Parent-Centered Family, otherwise you are going be miserable, and your children are going to dominate the family to their harm.