The Relationship Principles of Jesus Mount Olivet Baptist Church Adolphus C. Lacey, Senior Pastor

Relationship Principle #2 Last Week’s Memory Verse John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, o you must love one another." Relationship Principle #2 Love As Jesus Loves You

Relationship Principle #3 Memory Verse Matthew 12:34 “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Relationship Principle #3 Communicate from the heart

I. Communication Isn’t Easy Communication is defined as “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” Conversely, one could define communication as “a process by which information is confused by individuals through a conflicting system of emotions, behaviors, backgrounds, and desires. I. Communication Isn’t Easy

I. Communication Isn’t Easy All relationships are fueled by communication. Communication is not easy; “No one can tame the tongue” – James 3:8 We will look at three lessons that grow out of the teaching and example of Jesus: The foundation of communication is trust; Communication is always from the heart; and Communication that makes an impact is honest. I. Communication Isn’t Easy

I. Communication Isn’t Easy Your words can heal a relationship, heal someone’s faith, heal a broken heart, heal a shattered hope. I. Communication Isn’t Easy

II. The Foundation Is Trust In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37). Say what you mean and mean what you say! II. The Foundation Is Trust

II. The Foundation Is Trust Communication experts say that the words we speak to others can actually produce six distinct messages: What you mean to say What you actually say What the other person hears What the other person thinks he/she hears What the other person says about what you said What you think the other person said about what you said. II. The Foundation Is Trust

II. The Foundation Is Trust Eroding Trust Lies Flattery Broken Promises Silence II. The Foundation Is Trust

II. The Foundation Is Trust What if trust is no longer there? How do you rebuild trust? Rebuilding trust always takes a combination of truth plus time. As you are building or rebuilding trust, remember this simple biblical truth: “Kind words are good medicine” (Proverbs 15:4). The power of a kind word at the right moment is immeasurable! II. The Foundation Is Trust

III. The Connection Between Heart and Mouth Jesus speaks of a direct link between the mouth and the heart. The connection between the mouth and the heart is a two-way connection. The anger in our hearts spills out in biting words that magnify anger inside and around our souls. III. The Connection Between Heart and Mouth

III. The Connection Between Heart and Mouth How do we break the pattern? Since words are an overflow of the heart, start taking your heart more seriously. Since our souls are harmed by what we say, start taking your words more seriously. III. The Connection Between Heart and Mouth

III. The Connection Between Heart and Mouth Here are a few strategies: Take five…or ten minutes to get away and let your anger cool down. Pray for the other person. Use owning statements instead of blaming statements – don’t blame the other person for your feelings; own them yourself. Watch the tone and the volume of your words. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Learn to accept what cannot be changed. III. The Connection Between Heart and Mouth

Most of us value honesty; we want honesty to be a part of our lives and relationships. Yet when it comes right down to it, we often find it easier to be dishonest. It is easier to be nice than to be honest. But if we want our relationships to grow, honesty is non-negotiable. IV. A New Kind of Honesty

The truth sometimes hurts, but it does not have to maim, kill, or destroy. – Ephesians 4:29 Honesty sometimes brings the bitter pain of rejection. IV. A New Kind of Honesty

V. God Is in the Conversation One of the most vital aspects of your communication with people is prayer. More important than the way you talk to someone is the way you talk to God about someone. Jesus taught us to pray as a conversation. In Jesus’ example and teaching, three words mark the tone of our conversation with God: persistence, confidence, and reverence. V. God Is in the Conversation

V. God Is in the Conversation Persistence Jesus tells a number of parables about persistence in which He reminds His followers that “they should always pray and not give up” (Luke 18:1; Luke 11:5- 13). God does not have to be coaxed or pressured into helping. Pray until one of two things happens: God changes the situation, or God changes you. V. God Is in the Conversation

V. God Is in the Conversation Confidence Jesus taught that part of conversation in prayer is making confident requests of God (see Matthew 7:7). Pray with the expectation that something will happen – or why bother pray at all? Reverence Prayer is a relationship. Reverence in prayer is not about methods and forms – it is a relationship. For Jesus, conversation with His Father was a part of the fabric of His life. V. God Is in the Conversation

Jesus showed us how to make an impact with your words. Like Jesus, we can strengthen our communication in three ways: giving a gentle touch, asking the right question, and painting pictures with words. VI. How To Be Truly Heard

Jesus Touched Those He Healed Jesus often touched those He healed. There is power in the human touch. Jesus had the right touch, because He truly cared about everyone He met. VI. How To Be Truly Heard

Jesus Used Questions to Challenge Jesus often used questions to challenge someone’s thinking and to set his or her life in a different direction. Questions have the ability to challenge and to break down barriers. VI. How To Be Truly Heard

Jesus Used Pictures to Communicate New Truth The greatest example of Jesus’ use of pictures to communicate is seen in His parables. When you feel you are not being heard, instead of giving up quickly in frustration, try a different way of getting your point across. VI. How To Be Truly Heard

VII. Troubleshooting Communication When Criticized, Jesus Gave a Clear, Confident Response See John 8:12-14. What are you prone to do when you face the attack of criticism? Attack back? Jesus chose to tell the truth.  Give a clear, confident response instead of reacting defensively. VII. Troubleshooting Communication

VII. Troubleshooting Communication When Honestly Doubted, Jesus Offered Proof See John 20:26-29 – What should you do when someone doubts your word? Whenever you are doubted, you can choose to focus on yourself or on the other person’s need. VII. Troubleshooting Communication

VII. Troubleshooting Communication When Ridiculed, Jesus Was Silent See Isaiah 53:7 – Some comments do not deserve an answer. It is better to just let it go. The Bible informs us that an answer to that brand of criticism will do more harm than good. – Proverbs 9:7-8. VII. Troubleshooting Communication

VII. Troubleshooting Communication When Backed into A Corner, Jesus Turned on the Light Jesus’ opponents would ask questions designed to stop Him. Jesus did not walk away from those situations. Nor did He walk into the trap. Instead, He turned the light of truth on the situation by offering a different perspective. See Matthew 22:19-22. VII. Troubleshooting Communication

VII. Troubleshooting Communication When Rejected, Jesus Went Elsewhere Jesus teaches us what to do when you or your words are rejected. We often do the wrong thing and respond by chasing even harder after the person who has rejected us. See Matthew 10:14. When people asked Jesus to leave, He left because He knew their hearts were hard. VII. Troubleshooting Communication

VII. Troubleshooting Communication Be Courageous It takes courage to communicate. As Solomon declared, “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21a). Through the words you speak, God has given you more power to build faith, hope, and love into others’ lives than you can possibly imagine! VII. Troubleshooting Communication