WRITING A COMMENTARY Example paragraphs base on the poem Originally, by Scottish poet Carol Ann Duffy

Structuring a commentary Organize your commentary into a plan. Here is the basic structure: Introduction: Outline what you feel the poem is about (in terms of themes or other content). Signpost the aspects of the poem you will be focusing your analysis on. Body:  Main observation/point about poem, supported by PEE  Second observation/ Point about poem, PEE  Third observation/ point about poem, PEE Conclusion: Include Personal response and final thoughts/ questions raised by the poem

Read this poem and the notes about it. Then look at the examples of an introductory paragraph, a body paragraph and concluding paragraph on the next three slides. ORIGINALLY We came from our own country in a red room which fell through the fields, our mother singing our father's name to the turn of the wheels. My brothers cried, one of them bawling Home, Home, as the miles rushed back to the city, the street, the house, the vacant rooms where we didn't live any more. I stared at the eyes of a blind toy, holding its paw. All childhood is an emigration. Some are slow, leaving you standing, resigned, up an avenue where no one you know stays. Others are sudden. Your accent wrong. Corners, which seem familiar, leading to unimagined, pebble-dashed estates, big boys eating worms and shouting words you don't understand. My parents' anxiety stirred like a loose tooth in my head. I want our own country, I said. But then you forget, or don't recall, or change, and, seeing your brother swallow a slug, feel only a skelf of shame. I remember my tongue shedding its skin like a snake, my voice in the classroom sounding just like the rest. Do I only think I lost a river, culture, speech, sense of first space and the right place? Now, Where do you come from? strangers ask. Originally? And I hesitate. Carol Ann Duffy The persona in the poem Originally is a child fearful of losing her identity. The poem explores the struggle she goes through in an attempt to retain it even after shifting from one country to another. The title itself indicates the significance of having roots and definite origins, something the speaker worries she has lost by being forced to leave her native country at such a young age. The first stanza suggests that the shift started off as a fun adventure but when the persona’s brothers realizes it is a permanent shift, all the children became upset. In the second stanza the persona discusses the process of change that comes with such a dramatic shift. The last stanza suggests the person becomes bitter yet resigned to the loss of cultural distinctions such as accent.

Introduction Example (What is the poem about? Literal actions and Persona mentioned) Carol Ann Duffy’s poem Originally explores the changes a small child experiences after they are forced to move to a new country with their parents. (What is the metaphorical meaning of this?)The poem is essentially a philosophical critique of journeys and moving on, both physically and spiritually. (Register, tone, voice and/ or audience?) An intimate register is established through the highly self-reflective tone, but aimed at an audience who will hopefully be sensitive to the young persona’s changing circumstances. She or he seems to long nostalgically for the past and the security of being protected against the harshness of change yet realizes, albeit reluctantly, the necessity of accepting these changes in community and environment in order to move forward in life. (Changes in the poems focus/perspective/ mood? What structural feature is most important? Why?) The poem’s three stanzas are all eight lines long, written in blank verse and iambic pentameter. This uniformity further emphasizes the inevitability of change and the way in which time moves forward even when people are keen to stop it. (Purpose of the poem? Metaphorical meaning by the end?) This ultimately leads to a thought provoking interrogation of how people define their origins and ultimately understand their own identity. Blank verse = no rhyme scheme Paradox= Seemingly contradictory statement

Body paragraph example POINT: In comparison with her negative emotional state in the previous stanza, this last stanza shows the persona’s begrudging acceptance of change. Syntax is again significant in conveying this sense of resignation. EXAMPLE: The three commas in the first line produce a hesitant, stilted flow when reading the line, which shows the persona’s uncertain search for a sense of comfort and familiarity. Even now, she cannot find the words she wants to sum up her nostalgia. The diction also shows a growing uncertainty about how she will deal with the situation. She starts a with the definite word "forget“ then moves to "don't recall", a much more uncertain expression, and finally ends with "change." This self-doubt is accompanied by a tone of self-condemnation: the sibilant "s" sound in "seeing your brother swallow a slug, feel only a skelf of shame“ slows the pace of the sentence and makes the reader to spilt out the words in order to establish these feelings of disgust. EXAPLANATION: This is a clear indication that the poet was angry that her brother simply blended into his new surroundings, copying the disgusting local habits in order to gain anonymity. However, it is then revealed that the disgust grows more for herself as she explains how she eventually followed suit and gave up her culture just as easily. However, it is perhaps ironic that at this moment of absolute contempt for the loss of her former self, the poet herself uses the Scottish dialect word “skelf” which is probably remembered from her childhood, showing that nothing can completely obliterate one's past. Skelf= Scottish word used to describe splinter or sliver of wood. In this context, it means only a little shame. Diction= Word choice Indicate what element of the poem you are discussing in this paragraph Introduce the language feature you will be discussing in your example. The sentences in orange engage directly with the language in the poem and name specific language features used to create meaning The sentences in light blue are commenting on the effects of the language feature at that point in the poem. Explain the overall purpose of this combined use of language at this point in the poem Make an inference, personal observation or creative connection to a wider idea that displays your own higher level thinking.

Conclusion Overall, the poem is about emigration, both physical and spiritual, from that which is familiar, warm and secure to that which is unfamiliar, foreign and hostile The deeply personal and subjective nature of the poem Originality is its underlying appeal. Reading the poem, it is easy to relate to the little girl’s confusion and desire for feeling a sense of community that comes with being around people that are similar. The persona’s attempt in the second stanza to remain clinical in tone and objective when analyzing the changes cannot be maintained. This only leads to a tone of contempt for herself and her brother, a sense of resignation, and finally an inability to answer basic questions concerning identity. She seems to realize the futility of judging the way others establish personal identity. It is necessary to accept change but this necessity fails to make it any easier to bear. (General summary of analysis. Try to express this in different words that your introductory paragraph. Show some sense of development in your level of thinking through more developed vocabulary choices. ) (Personal response to the poem. What does it make you think/ question/ feel and why? This is vitally important to the interpretation section of the marking criteria.) (How does the poem end? Maybe there is a clear message or resolution? Maybe the meaning is not immediately clear but can certainly be inferred (If so, how?) Maybe the ending is open ended, has a double meaning or deliberately indeterminate so that the reader must choose their own viewpoint. )