1 PARENTING PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE CHILDREN AND YOUTH

2 Today’s Training Goal To assist families in understanding and managing physically aggressive behaviors in children and youth.

3 Assumptions  This curriculum assumes that you are working with children who have the cognitive skills to engage in problem solving interactions with adults.

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5 Body’s Stress Hormone Response Diagram source: illnesses.com/Behavioral-Health-Sel-Vi/Stress.html

6 Appropriate Expressions of Anger  Relaxation Techniques  Problem Solving  Letter to nowhere  Journal  Physical activity  Relaxation Techniques  Problem Solving  Letter to nowhere  Journal  Physical activity

7 Escalation Antecedents/Triggers Anxious Defensive Aggressive Dangerous

8 Anxiety: What does it FEEL like?  Heart is pumping  Tingling  Worried  Maybe shortness of breath  Helpless  Scared  Heart is pumping  Tingling  Worried  Maybe shortness of breath  Helpless  Scared

9 Anxiety: What does it LOOK like?  Sweating  Fidgeting  Twitching  Pacing  Unable to sit still, focus, concentrate  Sweating  Fidgeting  Twitching  Pacing  Unable to sit still, focus, concentrate

10 Anxiety: What does it SOUND like?  Chattering  Perseveration  Quiet  Chattering  Perseveration  Quiet

11 Responding to Anxiety Behavior Be supportive and non-judgmental Be positive and reassuring Use reflective listening Ask open-ended questions Problem Solve  Could the child listen to music on his/her headphones while at the dentist?  Could the child go to an appointment with you to observe what it is like? Be supportive and non-judgmental Be positive and reassuring Use reflective listening Ask open-ended questions Problem Solve  Could the child listen to music on his/her headphones while at the dentist?  Could the child go to an appointment with you to observe what it is like?

12 Defensive Behavior Feels Like…  Stuck on idea or problem  Can’t move on  Still present:  Heart Pumping  Shortness of breath  Tingling  Worried  Problem is unsolvable Feels Like…  Stuck on idea or problem  Can’t move on  Still present:  Heart Pumping  Shortness of breath  Tingling  Worried  Problem is unsolvable Looks Like…  Protective of space but quick to crowd others  Doesn’t seem to listen  Can’t sit still  Still Present:  Sweating  Pacing  Twitching  Fidgeting Looks Like…  Protective of space but quick to crowd others  Doesn’t seem to listen  Can’t sit still  Still Present:  Sweating  Pacing  Twitching  Fidgeting

13 Defensive Behavior (continued) Sounds Like…  Rapid Speech  Loud  Still Present:  Perseveration  Staying on same subject Sounds Like…  Rapid Speech  Loud  Still Present:  Perseveration  Staying on same subject Response Techniques:  Turn down the heat Defensiveness can escalate into aggressive behavior  Get through the sensory shutdown  Maintain a comfortable distance  Describe the current behavior and how it differs from baseline behavior.  Ask open-ended questions Response Techniques:  Turn down the heat Defensiveness can escalate into aggressive behavior  Get through the sensory shutdown  Maintain a comfortable distance  Describe the current behavior and how it differs from baseline behavior.  Ask open-ended questions

14 Aggressive Behavior Feels Like: High energy Still Present: Heart pumping Shortness of breath Tingling Worried Stuck Looks Like: Red face Tight/clenched muscles Throws objects Still Present: Sweating Pacing Twitching Fidgeting

15 Aggressive Behavior (continued) Sounds Like: Incessant questioning Refusals to comply Verbal attacks Still Present: Chattering Perseveration Rapid Speech Loud Response Techniques: Move from emotion to thought Define appropriate behavior Give choices Stay calm Withdraw and wait

16 Danger Behavior Feels like: Muscle tension Ready to explode Out of control Still present: Heart pumping Shortness of breath Tingling Worried Stuck Looks like: Feet spaced apart Neck muscles prominent Eyes set and glaring Fists clenched Throwing items at you Still present: Sweating, pacing, twitching, fidgeting, not listening, can’t sit still, red face, muscles tight.

17 Danger Behavior (continued) Sounds like: Verbal attacks Rage Persistence Still present: Chattering, perseveration, rapid speech, loud, incessant questioning, refusals to comply. Response Techniques: Take threats seriously Increase distance Evacuate others Look for escape routes Maintain non-threatening body language Stay calm Follow Crisis Plan Call for help

18 Dr. Haim Ginott: “I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. My personal approach creates the climate. My daily mood makes the weather. As a teacher I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that dictates whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.”

19 How Meaning is Conveyed  7% is in words that are spoken.  38% of meaning is in the WAY words are spoken.  55% of the meaning is in facial expression.  7% is in words that are spoken.  38% of meaning is in the WAY words are spoken.  55% of the meaning is in facial expression.

20 Triggers  Sensory  Situational  Transitions  Interpersonal  Time of day  Sensory  Situational  Transitions  Interpersonal  Time of day

21 Categories of Reinforcements  Social  Consumable  Activity  Manipulative  Exchangeable  Social  Consumable  Activity  Manipulative  Exchangeable

22 Logical Consequences  Teach, don’t punish  Related  Reasonable  Respectful  Teach, don’t punish  Related  Reasonable  Respectful

23 CHILDREN DO WELL IF THEY CAN!

24 Why Children Explode Many children are not able to comply with expectations because of developmental delays. They lack the skills they need to be successful.

25 5 Steps to Problem Solving  Define the Problem  Brainstorm Alternatives  Choose a Solution  Obtain a Commitment  Evaluate the Results  Define the Problem  Brainstorm Alternatives  Choose a Solution  Obtain a Commitment  Evaluate the Results

26 WHAT IS A GOOD SOLUTION? Any solution that two parties agree is realistic, doable, and mutually satisfactory.

27 CRISIS PREVENTION PLANNING  Takes place early in a case  Considers child’s past and experiences  Includes input from the child, caseworker, and others involved in child’s care  Takes place early in a case  Considers child’s past and experiences  Includes input from the child, caseworker, and others involved in child’s care

28 AN EFFECTIVE CRISIS PLAN:  Is user-friendly  Has clear directions  Is individualized  Is preventative  Plans for real-life situations  Is developed collaboratively  Changes as the child/youth changes  Is user-friendly  Has clear directions  Is individualized  Is preventative  Plans for real-life situations  Is developed collaboratively  Changes as the child/youth changes

29 RESOURCES - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Child’s Social Worker, therapist, doctor, psychiatrist, and other caregivers  DSHS emergency contact numbers  Crisis Line phone numbers  Other community resources  911  Child’s Social Worker, therapist, doctor, psychiatrist, and other caregivers  DSHS emergency contact numbers  Crisis Line phone numbers  Other community resources  911

30 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF  Have a plan for self-care  If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your children  Have a plan for self-care  If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your children

31 Self-Care  Stay in touch with supportive friends  Exercise  Use support groups  Keep a sense of humor  Forgive yourself  Stay in touch with supportive friends  Exercise  Use support groups  Keep a sense of humor  Forgive yourself

32 “I have become clear about at least one thing: self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.” Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak