Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives January 10, 2014 u Gregory Sowles,PhD, HSPP, LMHC CornerstoneVision Counseling & Psychological Services, PC Fort Wayne, IN

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service Goals: Be able to… Identify where there could be unintentional violations of ethical care. Recognize that the most ethical care process matches the integration of spiritual values – believing and investing in their ability to heal. Provide optimal integration – through growing an awareness that maintains the practice of honoring the client as we too would want to be honored. 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC2

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service Our Therapeutic ‘Heart’ Challenge: ‘Living in Galatia’  “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Gal. 1:10 NIV  “But now that you know God-or rather are known by God-how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?”  “But now that you know God-or rather are known by God-how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?” Gal. 4:9 NIV  “It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always …”  “It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always …” Gal. 4:18 NIV 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC3

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service “…‘Heart’ Challenge” con’t: “…‘Heart’ Challenge” con’t: Gal. 6:1-5 V.1. “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.“(Do we break the ethical codes or Biblical Commandments?) (vs. Engage through the Lord with a carefulness and cautiousness ) V.2. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Are we being aware of what our recommended treatment strategies will mean in each client’s life?) V.3. If anyone thinks his a something when he is nothing he deceives himself. (Are we the ultimate source or is the Holy Spirit?) V.4. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, V.5. for each one should carry his own load. (Do we rejoice with clients and celebrate their victories or do we take credit for their successes?) 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC4

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service Manipulations are in the Air… We can get baited by sin effects in others lives. For Example: Wounded individuals can get to be ‘Needy,’ ‘Dependent’ or ‘Controlling’. We can get reactive to these Personality Traits or Disorders as we have contact with them. Trying “to minister” or “disciple,” when these established defenses are in place, can in turn result in our too getting defensive (transference) as we attempt to keep from getting ‘sucked-in’ while also trying to draw them out. 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC5

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service Manipulations… (con’t): Repeated exposures to these struggles in others can set us up to develop our own type of survival strategies. Trying to keep up can turn into developing our own self-serving/self- protective strategies and emotional isolation. 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC6

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service APA Survey 2/2013- Healthcare System failing at Stressor Management: 35% of Americans say their stress has increased Millenials (18-33) say they struggle the most (5.4/10pt) 49% Don’t believe healthcare providers do enough Only 23% believe their providers are supportive “a lot or a great deal” 25% of the Chronically Ill group say they get a “Great deal of help,” and they claim they do much better than those who don’t receive such help. ‘ Moral of the Story’: Survival and/or Better health comes with engaging and sincere help, worse illness without it. 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC7 Ouch!

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service Tasking vs. Relating Note: as we have seen, emotional and/or relational isolation can leave us vulnerable to sin effects/illnesses. The subtlety of serving can get turned into a focus on the subject/’illness identity’ to the loss of personal/interpersonal intimacy. We can lose personal, shared/empathic conversations with others while we ‘work’ at the task of fixing their problems. The result of being so busy “doing ministry” for (to) others can result in our getting “ burnt-out”. 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC8

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service ‘Plank and Speck’ ‘Plank and Speck’ Beware of the Plank and Speck Syndrome… Matt. 7:3-5 Are you into: Beware of the Plank and Speck Syndrome… Matt. 7:3-5 Are you into: Debating Posturing Hiding Mistakes Debating Posturing Hiding Mistakes Playing-off Goofs Avoiding Answers Distracting to another subject (white)Lying Sarcastic Jabs or Humor Sarcastic Jabs or Humor 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC9

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service the Horse before the Cart Keeping “ the Horse before the Cart ”: ”…by grace you are saved through faith,…not by works, so that no one can boast…created to do good works…which God prepared …”(Eph. 2:8-10) Disciplines or rituals we employ can be “works” traps through our being ‘in charge’. Vs. Christ Jesus being in charge (of us: our care-giving, needs, wants, will, ambitions, desires, mind, body, heart, spirit). (Mk 12:30-31) 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC10

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service “…Horse…Cart” con’t: Working at a discipline, like an exercise routine, community services, a diet regime, set prayers, a bible study devotional, researching for clinical care interventions, or even attending CEU trainings can keep us from really looking at what is at work during those disciplines – habits, rituals, etc. Note: even while I was working on this material I was being pulled back and forth by the tension of being with the family or doing the discipline to stay at the commitment to finish it. Paradox: Works can create Isolation! 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC11

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service Discussion Focus: Discussion Focus: 1. What are you protecting? 1. What are you protecting? blocks A. How do you put up “blocks” to personal intimacy while serving others? works B. Where do you have “works”/“taskings” that can tend to end up then isolating you? C. What does this do to your “witness” if you’re “blocks” and “taskings” then only allow partial service? 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC12

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service chargers 2. Who would you identify as your “chargers”— those people you need regular time with to be re-filled after getting drained by service/ministry? 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC13

Avoiding Self-Serving Protective Motives = Submitted Service pauses 3. How can therapists add “pauses”: to create accountabilities that can then help us monitor our sense of interpersonal connectedness? 1/10/2014Gregory Sowles, PhD, HSPP, LMHC14