If Voldemort Ran the World By Heartdamoose Disclaimer: The following masterpiece was highly based off of the genius work of Dr. Suess and his book If I Ran the Zoo. The following pictures and text (though some my own idea) are related to the original story. Im just a writer having a bit of Voldemort fun…mwa ha ha…oh yeah. And if you are a bit squeamish, I suggest perhaps going to therapy after you read this. Or just dont read it at all.

Ill catch em in countries That no one can spell Like the country of Lotsa Full Evillers from Hel-ahem In a country like that if Im pretty clever, Ill catch the greatest beasts You ever saw ever!

And then Ill go to the swamps Of Fellmucket And capture a family of Lumps In a bucket They death eaters will say, Now I like that evil guy His new world McWhirled World Makes everyone cry. He captures them wild He captures them meek He captures them slim And none of them sleek What do you suppose Hell catch by next week?

Now every world needs bugs so Ill capture a Lakail Whose powers can summon an evil hail And then Ill go and capture some Puggs Some muggle-shooter, mean-looter, bean-kooter bugs

Ill go to the exotic Island of Latvia With my tizzle-topped tufted bazooka And I shall take that Hogwarts down Once and for all Even though Hogwarts isnt in Latvia Theres only a mall But geography doesnt matter When the world is oh so nie And I laugh when I give you all a goodbye

Ill get a Gusset, a Gherkin, a Gasket All which fear the Great Gootch made of plastic And eight Persian Princes will carry the basket And what their names are, I dont care, So you better not ask it

And in a cave in the arctic lives a beast called the Natch That only people as evil as me can catch Hes been hiding for years In the sunlight and flowers Stuck in a cave for hours and hours… But Ill get him out with a wonderful meal Cooked up from the slavesI mean cooks of my cooker-mobile

Theyll think of something Just to his taste Like a meal dipped in muggle eyeball-paste Thats sprinkled in brain, poached and fried And topped with bugs that havent even died It may be tricky to catch this Natch But there is nothing that McWhirled World cant catch.

Ill bring Back… And people will say when My beasts start mounding, This world ruler is just Simply astounding! He works so hard you think hell just drop! When you do you think he Will ever stop?!

Stop... ? Well... I should, But I wont until Ive captured the licking-ma-hoozle-la-flinger- ma-kill The worlds biggest assassin from the island of dirst Who only eats vegans and Ill catch him first And man! When I get him working for me The whole world will say, Run away and flee! Hes got a beast that no one can kill And its working for him For only a bill!

WOW! theyll all cheer, It cant get any worse This guys got his hands On the whole Universe!

Yes… Thats what will unfurl, Laughed Voldie McWhirled Id make a few changes If I ruled the world.