Raising Children In a New Culture

Challenges for parents Weather Language – learn English Find a place to live Find a job Go to school

Challenges for parents Parents want to keep their culture - food and customs. Children want to eat pizza and Macdonalds like their friends. Children adapt faster than their parents.

Challenges for parents The culture in Canada is not familiar. It is sometimes difficult to understand. Family members are not here to help you. Parents must do many things - take care of children, cook, clean, grocery shopping AND work at a job.

Challenges for parents Disciplining children in Canada is different than in the home country. Children have rights. Parents do not understand the laws in Canada. Children have too much freedom. Parents feel they do not have control. Parents worry about their children’s safety.

Challenges for Parents Do parents have rights in Canada? Parents have the right to set limits for their children. Parents have the right to make rules for the family. Parents have the right to teach their culture to their children as long as their beliefs do not break the law in Canada.

Challenges for Parents What are parents’ responsibilities in Canada? Parents are responsible to: look after their children until they are 18 years old provide food and clothing provide a safe home for their children make sure children go to school

Challenges for children Language – learn English School is different Children are lonely – no friends Bullying at school

Challenges for children Children are growing up in 2 cultures. Children want to please their parents. They also want to be like their Canadian friends. Children may think they do not belong to either culture.

Values Values are beliefs that are very important to us. We want to teach these values to our children. People can have different ways of seeing the same thing. It doesn’t always mean that one person is wrong.

What do you see?

Values Our values can change when we get new information, our belief or value does not help us in the new country, or we learn a new way to do something.

Changing Values / Adaptation Adapting to a new culture = change. Change happens slowly – little by little. Keep some beliefs from your culture. Choose some beliefs from Canadian culture.

Find a balance between 2 cultures. your culturenew culture Take the good things from your culture and Canadian culture.

Discipline and Punishment Discipline is NOT the same as punishment.

Discipline Setting rules and limits for children Listening to children Solving problems with children Setting a good example for children

Discipline Discipline teaches children how to behave well. Discipline teaches children how to change behaviour.

Examples of Punishment Hitting or spanking Using physical force Calling the child names Making the child feel bad about himself or herself (put downs) Threatening the child Yelling or screaming at the child

Punishment Punishment makes children afraid. Punishment does not teach children to change behaviour.

What kind of family are you? (Barbara Coloroso) Brick wall family Jellyfish family Backbone family

Brick Wall Authoritarian Parent Parents demand absolute obedience. Parents control their children – no discussion. Children are afraid of being punished. (Brick Wall )

Brick Wall (Authoritarian) There can be an emotional distance between parents and children. Children may rebel (drugs, alcohol, sex). This is a way of getting back at parents. Children do not learn how to make good choices.

Jelly Fish Permissive Parent Parents do not set any rules for their children. Children do whatever they want. Children are confused, because they think no one cares. (Jelly Fish)

Jelly Fish (Permissive) Children do not feel connected to their family. Teenagers may use drugs or alcohol or join a gang to be with friends. Teenagers may have a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel loved.

Backbone Authoritative Parent Parents care about their children’s behaviour. Parents set rules for their children. Parents teach children how to think - not what to think. ( back bone)

Backbone (Authoritative) Children help make the rules. Parents are the final authority (the boss of the family). Children understand the rules, so they are more willing to accept them. Children can help decide what happens if they do not follow the rules.

Remember No one can be a backbone parent 100% of the time. You can be a backbone parent most of the time.

Communication Communication is how we talk to each other. Every culture has their own way of communicating. Some ways of communicating help us have better family relationships.

Communication Roadblocks Serc 2009

Roadblocks to communication Lecture or judge Talk and not listen Criticize – think we are always “right” Point a finger at the other person Serc 2009

Effective Communication Two-way communication Listening is important Serc 2009

The Chinese characters for “listen” 聽

聽 undivided attention eyes heart ear

To Listen:

Eye contact Eye contact means looking at a person’s eyes when you are talking to him or her. Do people in your culture make eye contact when they talk to each other? What does eye contact mean in your culture?

Eye contact In Canada eye contact is a good thing. Eye contact means “I am listening to what you say.” Eye contact means “I care about you.”

Effective Communication ● Two-way communication ● Listening is important 聽 The Chinese characters that make up the verb “to listen” tell us something significant about this skill. Serc 2009 ear eyes Undivided attention heart

Being a parent is an important job. Children and parents learn together. Try to understand your child’s adaptation. Ask your child: “How does it feel to grow up in Canada?

Being a parent is an important job. As a parent, you constantly learn more and more about your children. Talk about your values and beliefs. Set family rules together. Talk about behaviour that is acceptable. Praise your children when they behave well.

Parent – child relationship The relationship between parents and their children is important. Do not reject your child. If you do, your child may find connection with groups that put your child at risk of harm.

Parent – child relationship Parents and children can work together to solve the challenges of adapting to a new culture.

Parent-child relationship Ask yourself: “What is more important? Keeping everything from my culture or making some changes to keep my family together?”