Part 1 – Searching for Mr Perfect Marriage Part 1 – Searching for Mr Perfect Ustadha Sumiyya Iqbal

WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY SOMEONE WHO….

WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO …. READ BOOKS WATCH MOVIES

WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS A …. Food lover Health conscious

WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO …. Play video games Watch football

WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO …. COOK CLEAN UP

WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS …. Attractive Funny

Virtue of marriage Why is marriage sacred in Islam?

“And He has put between you affection and mercy” (Ar-Rum 30:21). Virtues of marriage Following the Sunnah Protects muslim from adultery or any other sin of the kind Can have a family Couples achieve mutual affection, mercy and love. Allah (SWT) says: “And He has put between you affection and mercy” (Ar-Rum 30:21). Prophet (PBUH) said: “O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry.” (Al-Bukhari 5065).

What comes to your mind when you think of ‘A HUSBAND’? Mentimeter

Things to look for in a spouse – Activity What qualities would you want in your future husband? Write one quality on each post it note 2. Put them in order of importance Sorry your Mr. Perfect does not exists!

If you could only choose 4 things, which 4 things would you choose?

His Religon What are some unrealistic expectations which make finding a spouse difficult? What are his beliefs? Does he complete his Fardh? Salah? Fasting? Zakah? What is his relationship with the Quran? Does he help those in need? Is he striving to learn Islam? Does he fear Allah? How does he conduct himself? How does he treat his parents? Who are his friends? How is he with them? Character -  One of such was on the authority of Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet ﷺ said: ‘Among the Muslims the most perfect as regards his faith is the one whose character is excellent. And the best among you are those who treat their wives well.’ (Muslim).

Too picky? In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you (for your daughter’s hand in marriage) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and great mischief.”

Attraction Can you stand him? Is he ugly? What are some unrealistic expectations which make finding a spouse difficult? Attraction Can you stand him? Is he ugly? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Physical beauty will fade You could be attracted to ones behaviour or character True love comes from within True love keeps growing…

Habibah the daughter of Sahl came to complain to the Prophet Muhammad (May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) about her husband, Thabit bin Qais and she said: “We shall never be together again, When I look at him amongst other men I see him to be the darkest, the shortest and the ugliest. The Prophet Muhammad (May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) therefore said: “It is better to see who you are going to get married to so that your heart will be content” (Tirmidhi)

His financial status Does he have a job? Does he have a stable income? Is he hard working? Can he sustain his and your basic expenses? Where will you be living?

What are some unrealistic expectations which make finding a spouse difficult? His status Are his family well known? Are they respectable in the community? How do they interact with one another? How do they interact with your family? How do they treat their children? Do they respect their elders? What position do other women in the house have? Are they a similar social status as your family?

Mr.Perfect Your husband can not be like you Need to be able to respect each others differences The process should make you a better muslim and a better person The husband completes the wife

Concept of Kufu’ – Compatibility in Islam Financially? Intellectually? Spiritually? Morally?

What is the biggest challenge you face in finding a spouse? Mentimeter

How to search for a spouse

How to search for a spouse ‘Ive already found him’ ‘Im engaged to him’ ‘My parents agree to me seeing him’ ‘We just talk over the phone’ The Islamic way Pleasure of Allah Blessings in your marriage Relationship before marriage Displeasure of Allah Sinful

How to search for a spouse? Family Friends Rishta aunties – recruiters! Whatsapp marriage groups CV data bases Matrimonial organisations Islamic organisations

So how am I supposed to get to know him? Is it necessary? Am I being formal? Is the conversation relevant? Am I alone in this conversation? Meetings Through family and friends

The Meeting Need to have a mahram present Be clear Don’t make any assumptions Keep it professional What to ask? Be yourself Emotions distant Meet in different environments

References Ask people about him Power of consultation Only time you can reveal ones weaknesses fully Should tell 100% truth because someone's marriage depends on this Confidentiality should be kept if marriage goes ahead or not What goes around comes around

How do I know he is the right one for me? Does he meet your minimal requirements ? Have you met him? Had all your questions answered? Have you done your reference checks? What do your family think or him and his family? How do you feel about it? Have you prayed Istikhara? Bismillah….

Power of Dua Istikhara Salah Allah has a plan for you – Tawakul Duas you can read رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا The believers say: Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring joy to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.

Q&A