5.16 Rereading Your Draft and Drawing on All You Know to Revise

CONNECTION Two girls who do not want a pet are each given a hamster. The first girl, Jessica, dumps the hamster in the tank and ignores it except to play with it every so often. Her mom is the one who changes the litter, feeds it, and makes sure it has water. The second girl, Lily, feels responsible for her new pet, even though she didn’t want it. She changes its litter, feeds it, makes sure it has water, makes sure it has regular exercise, and plays with it. After some time, the hamsters grow old and die. Which girl do you think was upset? Where you put your effort, there too you put your heart. You have been doing that with your writing. You have worked so hard and accomplished so much! I hope you have come to care for your writing the way Lily did her hamster.

CONNECTION Today you will have to pick one of your two memoirs to bring to publication. You care about them both! I know it will be hard to pick which one you want to publish. Please pick your memoir now.

TEACHING POINT Today I want to teach you that writers accomplish the next step of writing by examine the draft in all its particulars. If you read what your draft actually says (and if you read for what it could say), then your page will teach you how to write.

TEACHING First, I might read as a bighearted, responsive, involved reader. I’m looking to be blown away and see meaning. Maybe I see parts where I need to add more meaning! This could be a big or a small part. For example, let’s look at Adam’s piece about his brother leaving for college…

TEACHING I should slow down and show more. I have to think about the specific things Jon could have packed that might say something about our relationship. I could slow down the hug even more. “Nooo, please can’t I go,” I pleaded. My mom just ignored me. I knew she would but I was desperate. My brother walked outside where my mom and I were standing. Our eyes met. Sadness seemed to flow straight into me just like the sound of Jon’s bassoon when he practices. I ran to my brother. He embraced me in his tight hug. I pulled him closer. It was already happening.

TEACHING I am in camp, running up a hill. The scene of my brother pulls me forward. The sun is shining but shadows are keeping me cool. As I run my feet push the rocks aside, as I run faster my feet start to slip. When I look up my brother is on the top of the hill. He opens his arms. I am happy and a smile spreads across my face. Tears almost pour out but I control myself. I tried to blink back tears but they were inevitable. Tears started pouring out over my eyes. I looked up and saw tears in my brother’s eyes. I was surprised at this. It’s great to put what I was remembering in that moment but I should think about more memories and put them in too.

TEACHING After you’ve done this type of reading, you can read again and try to translate sentences into mental movies to make sure the words show what is happening. “Nooo, please can’t I go,” I pleaded. My mom just ignored me. I knew she would but I was desperate. I’m not sure what is happening here. The action isn’t clear. It is hard to make a mental movie because what is going on? Let’s fix it… My brother walked outside to where my mom and I were standing. Our eyes met. Better but it still doesn’t say anything about packing up the car or anything like that.

What has Adam done differently as a result of reading?

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT Read your writing first as a bighearted, responsive, involved listener. Write notes about what is important, where you need to say more, or where you need to tell with tinier details. Now read your piece as a stranger might. Try to make a movie in your mind.

LINK Many people say they want to be published writers but the difference between someone who wants to be a published writer and someone who is a published writer is the willingness to keep working when the job gets tough! When it gets tough, switch from being a writer of your piece to being a reader of your piece to teach you what to do next!

SHARE We talked before about trying to see the overall structure of a piece, like flying above it in an airplane. But we also need to reread to make sure we followed through. Ask yourself “What structure is sort of, but not quite, evident? How can I clean up my writing so that this structure is more clear?” Use a mentor text that is structured the same way to guide you.