Coping with Loss & Grief Aim: How can we understand grief to develop healthy strategies to cope with loss?

Do Now GRIEF is the emotional pain people feel in response to the death of a loved one or some other serious loss. Describe a loss you have experienced or one you might experience that would cause you grief. Describe a few of the feelings or thoughts you had or might have. *** You won’t have to share what you write unless you want to.

Grief What are some losses or situations teens might face that could cause grief? What feelings might a teen have in response to these losses? Sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, disbelief, or despair are all feelings that can arise when a person is grieving. Grief is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one such as a family member, friend, or pet. People can experience grief over other types of losses as well, such as divorce, break-ups, losing a job, moving away, becoming ill, or losing good health. Almost everyone experiences grief at some point in life. It’s important to understand the grieving process so that you’ll know more about how people cope. This understanding may be helpful the next time you experience a loss, and can help you support a friend who is grieving.

Stages of Grief The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship, or to the death of a valued being, human, or animal. In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity. The five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more people acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief. Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed, which is okay. They key to understand the stages is NOT to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process --- it helps you understand and put into context where you are.

The 5 Stages of Grief 1) SHOCK, DISBELIEF, DENIAL When people experience a loss or death, sometimes it’s difficult for them to understand or accept that it’s happened. They might be in shock, feel confused, or express disbelief. They might act as though nothing bad has happened. 2) SADNESS, PAIN, GUILT, DESPAIR After the initial shock, many people experience strong emotions. Deep sadness or emotional pain sets in over the loss. Sometimes people feel guilty because their friend or loved one died and they’re still alive. They may regret things they did or didn’t do. They may worry that it’s wrong for them to experience happiness, or wonder if they’ll ever feel happy again.

The 5 Stages of Grief 3) QUESTIONS, ANGER, BARGAINING 4) MOURNING People often feel a need to make sense of the loss, or seek a logical explanation for it. They might have Q’s about why it had to happen, or fear and worry about the future. Sometimes anger comes up. They may blame themselves or others for the loss, or take out the intensity of their feelings on the people who are still around. Sometimes they wonder what they could have done to prevent the loss, or may even hope that certain actions or promises could magically undo it. 4) MOURNING After the intense feelings have faded a bit, people often go through a time of ongoing sadness or even depression. They realize the finality of the loss. They may feel empty, or hopeless. As they mourn, they may focus on memories of the past, or the things they miss. During this time, people may experience crying, not wanting to be with others, not sleeping or sleeping enough, loneliness, being tired or not having energy. 5) ACCEPTANCE, ADJUSTMENT, RECOVERY Over time, the pain of the loss doesn’t hurt quite as much, or doesn’t hurt all the time any more. People are more able to accept the loss, and begin to adjust to life after it. They get back into a routine and can find joy in life again. They may begin to think about the future in positive ways. It doesn’t mean that the person who died or the loss is forgotten. It means that the person going through the grieving process has figured out a way to go on with life.

Experience How many of you have experienced some of these feelings before? All of these different feelings or reactions are normal and natural when a person suffers a loss. The most important thing is for people to find healthy ways to cope as they go through the grieving process. So what kinds of things might a person do in response to grief? How might someone try to cope with the different feelings involved in the process of grieving? *** Which are healthy? Unhealthy and may cause problems? * write responses on board ** hand out

Healthy vs Unhealthy Healthy ways to cope w/ grief allows people to work through the grieving process and express their feelings without hurting themselves or others. Everyone goes through grief in their own way. It might be healthy for one person to talk about the loss, while another person might need to spend a lot of time alone. Unhealthy ways to deal w/ grief can cause harm to the self or others or have negative consequences. Bottling up strong feelings, expressing anger in a violent way, or using alcohol or other drugs to escape are all unhealthy coping strategies that have potential to cause serious problems. Finding healthy ways to cope with grief can keep feelings from overwhelming people and causing them to do things that can hurt themselves or others.

What can we do or say? Have you had a friend or known someone who was grieving? Was it easy or hard to know what to do or say? Why? It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who’s experienced the death of a loved one, or some other serious loss. Some people are nervous, or scared that they’ll say the wrong thing, so they don’t say anything. However, people who are grieving need support, so let’s talk about how to support and what to say to a person who is grieving.

Coping w/ Loss & Grief ACKNOWLEDGE THE SITUATION. Example: “I heard that … died/passed away.” Using the word died/passed away will show that you understand what happened and are open to talking about the situation. EXPRESS YOUR CONCERN. Example: “I’m so sorry that this happened”, or “I’ve been thinking about you and your family.” BE REAL AND DON’T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS. It’s okay to feel awkward or unsure. The important thing is to communicate your support. Example: “I really don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I care.” OFFER YOUR SUPPORT. Example: “Is there anything that I can do for you?” or “I’m here if you need my help or want to talk.”

Offering Support Now you will have a chance to try saying some of these things to a partner. Knowing what to say gets easier when you have a chance to practice. Take turns offering support to each other in some of these ways. Dealing with grief is not easy. It is important to know that grief is normal, to know some of the feelings a person can expect when going through the grieving process, and to know some strategies for coping with grief in healthy ways, as well as some ways you can support others who are grieving.

Understanding Grief You have just received an UNDERSTANDING GRIEF worksheet. Please complete the sheet, and be ready to demonstrate questions #4 and/or #5 to the class. Question #4: You and your partner will take turns saying what you wrote. Question #5: You and your partner will take turns saying what you’d say to the person you described. (3 things) Today we went over grief and the emotions involved in the grieving process. What’s one thing you have learned that you think will be helpful to you in the future if you or one of your friends is experiencing grief?