Training in Righteousness Character traits addressed in the book of Proverbs: The Importance of Wisdom The Fear of the Lord The Purpose and Danger of Anger Sex and Beauty The Value and Danger of Money and Wealth The Importance of Work The Danger of Pride The Importance of Self-Control Mending Broken Relationships Your Plans; God’s Plans The Power of Our Words Dealing With Prosperity and Adversity The Marks of a True Friend

Mending Broken Relationships Proverbs The Book of Proverbs Mending Broken Relationships Proverbs

Broken Relationships A broken relationship occurs when someone says or does something that is painful to us and we develop ill-will toward them because of it and begin to view them as an “enemy”. As a result of our ill-will, we then begin to find happiness in our new found enemy’s unhappiness: Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles (24:17) But it doesn’t always stop there!

Broken Relationships We may begin doing things to hurt them because we enjoy their misery and we want to pay them back for what (we believe) they’ve done to hurt us: Be not a witness against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips. Do not say, “I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.” (24:28-29)

Broken Relationships When our enemy hurts us by sinning against us, the Bible tells us that the Lord is angry with him and he promises that he will avenge us (Rom. 12:19). But when we gloat over our enemies’ demise, the Lord finds our gloating so morally repulsive that he would rather stop punishing our enemy than put up with our gloating! Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the LORD see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him. (24:17-18) In other words, God finds our gloating over our “enemy” more offensive than our enemy’s sin against us!

What Do We Need to Do About It? If the offense or thing that caused you pain is not a clearly sinful act or part of a sinful pattern of behavior, consider the possibility of overlooking the offense altogether: Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. (11:12-13) Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. (17:9)

What Do We Need to Do About It? If the offense was a clearly sinful act or part of a sinful pattern of behavior, “doing them good” may involve you confronting them over their sin. If you’ve dealt with your ill-will prior to approaching the person who offended you, you will be much more apt to approach them with humility and gentleness as you ought to (Gal. 6:1ff) and you will be much more likely to have a positive response from them: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (15:1)

Mending Broken Relationships How does this apply to our kids? We need to teach our kids to: Not have ill will towards those who offend them but trust God to avenge them. Overlook minor offenses when appropriate. Constructively confront those who sin against them when appropriate. Know when it is appropriate to involve adults/authorities when dealing with an offense.

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The Power of Our Words Proverbs The Book of Proverbs The Power of Our Words Proverbs

The Power of Our Words The Proverbs teach us that our words have tremendous power for both good as well as evil: Death and life are in the power of the tongue… (18:21a) Our words have the power to wound others and our words have the power to heal those who have been wounded: There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (12:18) Our words have the power to destroy relationships within the community: A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. (16:28 NIV) Therefore we need to be careful what we say and choose our words wisely.

The Wise Use of Our Words We Need Truthful and Honest Speech Rather than Deceptiveness: A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies. (12:17 NIV) Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel. (20:17) We Need Kind and Gentle Speech Rather than Harshness: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (15:1 NIV)

The Wise Use of Our Words We Need Wise and Apt Speech Rather than Carelessness: The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (10:32 NIV) The word “fitting” means “delightful”. You choose your words to fit the sensibilities of the listener, so that your words are moving and attractive. A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (25:11 NIV) The word “apt” has to do with timing. Your word may be true, but if it’s at the wrong time, it won’t be listened to. It’s not apt! A person has joy in giving an appropriate answer, and a word at the right time– how good it is! (15:23 NET)

The Wise Use of Our Words We Need Forthright and Courageous Speech Rather than Slander and Lies: The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool. (10:18) An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips (24:26 NIV) Keller makes the following observations on this point: If you’re a truthful, direct person, you tend to not work enough on the kindness, the gentleness and the aptness. But if you’re really concerned about kindness, gentleness, and aptness there’s a tendency not to be transparent and open and direct. And you die without both kinds of words – we need both kinds of words.

The Wise Use of Our Words We Need Economic Speech Rather than Impulsiveness: When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. (10:19) Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (17:27-28)

The Power of Our Words How does this apply to our kids? Teach kids: That the old saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” is not true! Our words matter. When it is appropriate to speak and when it is not What kinds of things are appropriate to say and what kinds of things are not appropriate to say How to balance being truthful and direct with being gentle and kind

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