Cohabitation: Sliding vs. deciding

Trends in U.S. Relationships Median age at first marriage: 27.1 for men, 25.3 for women Divorce rate: approximately 50% Children born to unmarried parents: 36.8% Cohabiting couples with children: 40% 60-75% of couples live together before marriage Bumpass & Lu, 2000; CDC, 2002, 2006; Raley & Bumpass, 2003; Stanley et al., 2004; U.S. Census, 2003

Trends in U.S. Beliefs 60% of Americans BELIEVE that living together before marriage is a bad idea 86.3% of never-married Americans would like to be married someday 94% of Americans 18 or over agree that divorce is a serious national problem 97% of married Americans expect to be married for life Glenn, 2005

Important concepts Sliding vs. deciding vs. coasting Committment

DECIDING Choosing by Default “SLIDING” Not aware of other alternatives Path of least resistance Power of INERTIA Societal or peer pressures Not making choice

Making a DECISION Choosing Knowledgeably Recognizing you have options/choices Knowing about alternatives Paying attention to your values and feelings Considering consequences (Pro’s and Con’s) Re-checking

What is Commitment? Commitment involves a decision to give up other choices Constraint commitment Dedication commitment Is cohabitation a commitment?

“The Cohabitation Effect” Couples who cohabit pre-maritally are 1.26 – 1.86 times more likely to divorce Premarital cohabitation is associated with: Lower marital satisfaction Poorer perceived and observed communication in marriage More marital conflict Higher rates of domestic violence Higher rates of infidelity Higher rates of alcohol and drug abuse

Explaining the Cohabitation Effect 1) It’s about the people who cohabit. “Self-selection effect” 2) It’s about the experience of cohabitation changing values about marriage. 3) It’s about cohabitation creating inertia that makes it harder to break up.

Who, How, When, and Why? Who cohabits: selection How it begins: sliding or deciding When it begins relative to clarity of commitment Why people cohabit: what are their reasons

Who Cohabits? Compared to daters with plans to marry, those cohabiting with plans to marry… Have less education Are more likely to already have children Have had more sexual partners Are more likely to have divorced parents Experienced more conflict in their families growing up Have more favorable attitudes toward divorce and less favorable attitudes toward marriage Are less religious

Religiousness and Cohabitation “My religious beliefs suggest that it is wrong for people to live together without being married”: 49% of those dating agree (35% strongly) 30% of those cohabiting agree (16% strongly)

“Her family kicked her out.” H o w ? “Her family kicked her out.”   “It just kind of happened. Circumstances created the situation.”  

How does it Begin? How did you start living together? 1/3 “We didn’t think about it or plan it. We slid into it.” “We talked about it, but then it just sort of happened.” “We talked about it, planned it, and then made a decision together to do it.” 18

Inertia Theory Cohabitation may make it harder to break up. Constraints such as sharing debt, having a lease, or making major purchases, increase in cohabitation and are associated with thinking it’s less likely the relationship will end. Some might marry a person they would not have married if that hadn’t been cohabiting.

W h e n ? “He said: To give the relationship a chance at becoming very serious. To see if we can live together.” “She said: He was moving to my city and we already were engaged. And, it made sense financially.”

When does it Begin? 66% started cohabiting without plans for marriage Among those cohabiting: 66% started cohabiting without plans for marriage 23% started cohabiting with plans, but no engagement 11% started cohabiting with an engagement People who were already engaged are more likely to have made a decision about cohabiting.

W h y ? “I felt it was time to take the next step in my relationship. I feel that if I love him, I need to know if living with him will change anything.”

Why Live Together? I wanted to spend more time with my partner 46% 44% Men Women I wanted to spend more time with my partner 46% 44% It was inconvenient to live apart 24% 22% I wanted us to take a step up in commitment 13% 16% We had a child to raise together 7% I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage 9% 5% I don't believe in the institution of marriage 0.8% 0.4%

Summary: Research on Cohabitation People tend to slide into living together Other options become constrained, but before a decision to give up those alternatives is made Living together before marriage is associated with higher risk for marital distress and divorce

Expanding Sliding vs. Deciding Other relevant developments in relationships that may constrain options? Beginning a sexual relationship Having a child, particularly outside of marriage Obtaining a divorce

Sliding vs. Deciding: Children Attitude Behavior National survey item: All things being equal, it is better for children to be raised in a household that has a married mother and father 89% agree 60% of births to women 20-24 are nonmarital; 33% to women 25-29 Children born to unmarried parents experience more financial and social problems Among unmarried couples, 71% of births were unplanned Glenn, 2005; Ventura, 2009

Sliding vs. Deciding: Divorce Attitude Behavior National survey item: Divorce is a serious national problem 94% agree 36-60% of marriages end in divorce Glenn, 2005; Raley & Bumpass, 2003

Sliding vs. Deciding: Divorce Attitude Belief 97% of married Americans expect to be married for life 62% of divorced Americans said they wished their spouse had worked harder to save their marriage 35% of ex-husbands and 21% of ex-wives said they wished they, themselves, had worked harder. Glenn, 2005; Raley & Bumpass, 2003