1. The Polyamorists Next Door: Understanding Multiple- partner Relationships Elisabeth Sheff Georgia State University

2. What is Polyamory? Openly conducted non-monogamous relationships Emphasis on communication, negotiation, self- reflection, and honesty Not swinging – focused on emotional connection Not polygyny – same rules for men and women Not cheating – openly negotiated

3. Polyamorous Families Some composed of all adults, though my research focuses on those with children Most commonly an “open couple” with additional partners Less frequently cohabitational triads, quads, or “moresomes” Very similar to other families of sexual minorities, especially gay and lesbian families

4. Longitudinal Poly Family Study Wave I 1996 - 2003: all adults, 20 men and 20 women interviewed, extensive participant observation, no contact information Wave II 2007 - 2008: all adults, 15 previous respondents and 31 new additions interviewed Wave III 2009 – present: 8 children and 13 (new) of their important adults Total sample 92 interviewees, 500 participant observation

5. Sample Characteristics White Middle class Highly educated Liberals Bisexual women, heterosexual men Urban or suburban dwellers Overlap with other non-conformists – pagans, gamers, geeks, kinksters, sci-fi fans, SCA and LARPers

6. Results Limited generalizability Unknown universe means impossible to gain representative sample Small sample size, especially of children Selection bias and attempts to remedy Even so characteristic of mainstream poly communities in United States Only longitudinal study of polyamory to date

7. Reported Advantages Emotional intimacy Expanded resources Attention Money Expertise Flexibility Consciously created family More freedom Question other elements of social convention More communication

8. Reported Disadvantages Complicated Time consuming Children become attached to partners who leave Stigma management

9. Strategies to Deal with Disadvantages Emotional protection Extensive contact and communication prior to introducing lovers to children Clarify with children who is a family member Require lovers to establish independent relationships with children Keep some lovers separate from family Stigma management Emotional Passing Living in accepting areas

10. Concluding Remarks Children doing extremely well Born into positions of social privilege (race, class, education) Additional resources enrich lives Consciously constructed families more reflexive Active agents - do not assume all adults will be parental figures Larger more diverse sample might produce divergent results Future research Longitudinal contact with sample More diverse practitioners Continued contact with those who leave poly lifestyle