1. Talk 4: Leaving A Legacy Behind Under God Lamb of God Community - Auckland Branch Men’s Retreat 2015

2. Scenario You were invited to attend a Eulogy at a Funeral. You were not sure who died, but you went anyway. – First, an office or a school friend gave a eulogy. – Then a community friend or a neighbour. – The daughter came next. – The son followed afterwards. – The wife ended the whole service with her remembrance of the husband… – [to be continued…]

3. Introduction We will pass this way but once… Our lives are passing by all the time; there are windows of opportunity that are here today but gone tomorrow. Some of us, the most important window has passed already, but still… At the end of the day, what legacy do we want to leave behind, especially to our families?

4. Look at 5 Areas as Our “Legacy” 1.A loving provider 2.A strong protector 3.A truthful leader 4.A respectable authority 5.An intimate friend [Mainly applied to our families but also everywhere]

5. Our Roles as Men of God Very rarely will a wife complain or seek divorce or separation of the husband is leading her well and loving her unconditionally.

6. Our Roles as Men of God Fathers are primarily responsible for training and rearing children at home. Mothers share in this role but it is the father’s primary role. Look at the Old Testament and the New Testament patterns of a husband’s and father’s role.

7. Our Roles as Men of God Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. [Ephesians 6:4] When dads lead spiritually at home, children are 20 times likely to stay in church long term. It takes courage to be THE MAN.

8. A Leader What is a Leader? – Makes the first move; initiates. – Has authority but also the responsibility and accountability [before God] – Shepherd and the sheep: guides them, protects them, serves them, leads them into good pastures. – Whoever wants to be great must be your servant. – As Christ lived for and died for the church.

9. Spiritual Leadership at Home It all starts with your relationship with God. You cannot give what you do not have; you cannot teach what you do not practice. Our wives and children can easily detect hypocrisy; we need to walk the talk. We need to have a regular prayer time in which we are faithful. You need to lead them in family prayer and in Lord’s days and other activities.

10. Spiritual Leadership at Home We need to have a deep love for our spouses and our children. We need to swallow our pride many times. You are primarily responsible to make your marriage work and your family life work. We need to acknowledge our shortcomings to our spouse and children and resolve to do right. We need to affirm and show affection to our spouse and children.

11. Spiritual Leadership at Home We need to give prime time for our spouse and children, not when we are tired or when we are watching TV. It’s okay not to know everything; we need to be open to other men on how to lead our families well; we have house groups, other men in the community and leaders for this purpose!

12. Protectors at Home We need to be protectors in our homes spiritually, physically and emotionally. What influences are there at home [media, TV, internet] that needs to be weeded out as they harm our families? We need to know what is happening with our spouse and children by regular communication [lunch/dinner time]

13. Protectors at Home Be the godly influence at home. Talk about what the Word of God says. Protect our children from the worldly patterns of relating with the opposite sex [handling desires and attractions, talking with them about sex] Setting ground rules [and explaining them] about speech, dating, friends, etc.

14. Loving Our Wives God calling for us as a husband: not marry the woman you love, but love the woman you married. Most marriage problems come from a wife’s reaction to a husband’s poor leadership and lack of love. Jesus’ example - loving the unlovable. We need to have God as the source of our love, not our own.

15. Loving Our Children We need to develop a heart to heart relationship with our children. When their hearts are open to us, then more they can receive what we tell them. If deep inside your children feels you love them, you have their hearts.

16. How Do We Lose Our Children’s Hearts? 1.Our absence – physical and/or mental 2.Our uncontrolled and unrighteous anger 3.Unjust and unexplained discipline 4.Harsh criticism 5.Lack of compassion 6. Favouritism 7. Hypocrisy 8. Hurting, abusing or disrespecting their mums 9. Misunderstanding and not truly listening 10. Unrealistic expectations

17. How Do We Capture the Hearts of Our Children? 1.Attention 2.Affirmation 3.Affection

18. Suggested Strategies For Improved Family Life Have an annual family camp/vacation Celebrate the Lord’s Day together Have a weekly one to one with your wife – some business meetings, some social time Have a regular Bible study with your children Have a monthly or a bi-monthly ‘chat’ with each child Seek to have common activities together Other things – be creative!

19. Capturing Their Hearts When we capture their hearts, we become their intimate friends! There is no topic that they will not discuss with you! They are confident of your deep love for them, even if at times you may need to discipline them

20. Scenario A Eulogy at a Funeral – You went to the coffin to pay your last respects. – Then you discovered that the person in the coffin is you! – You recall what the 5 people said. – Are you glad and happy with what they said? – What are the things you will regret? – There is time to avoid those regrets! Now is the time to act!

21. Conclusion When we take our place as: A loving provider A strong protector A truthful leader A respectable authority An intimate friend We experience God’s life! We experience joy and peace in our marriages and our families!

22. Discussion Starters 1. In my relationship with my wife and children, what area/s do I need to grow: As a loving provider? As a strong protector? As a truthful leader? As a respectable authority? As an intimate friend? 2. Do I have a heart to heart relationship with my wife and my children? In what way can I do better?