3. ACT TWO

4. SCENE ONE BANQUO FLEANCE It sure is a dark night tonight.

5. ACT TWO SCENE ONE BANQUO FLEANCE Who’s there?

6. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE ONE BANQUO FLEANCE A friend.

7. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE ONE FLEANCE Why aren’t you asleep? I have been dreaming of the weird sisters. They sure told you what was up, huh? BANQUO

8. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE ONE BANQUO FLEANCE I haven’t really thought of them at all. Hey Banquo, you always got my back, right?

9. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE ONE BANQUO FLEANCE Sure, so long as I keep my conscience clear and stay loyal to the king, I’m your man. Good night.

10. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE ONE BANQUO FLEANCE

11. ACT TWO SCENE ONE MAcbeth Hey servant.

12. ACT TWO SCENE ONE MAcbeth Tell my wife to ring the bell when my drink is ready.

13. ACT TWO SCENE ONE MAcbeth

14. ACT TWO SCENE ONE MAcbeth Am I seeing a dagger? I can’t touch it, but it’s there, leading me to Duncan’s room. My eyes are messing with me.

15. ACT TWO SCENE ONE MAcbeth And now I’m seeing blood on it… I’m an instrument of evil now. Oh, this sucks. Here goes nothing…

16. ACT TWO SCENE ONE MAcbeth There’s the bell. Hear it not, Duncan, for it will call you to heaven or hell.

17. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH Getting the guards drunk has made me excited!

18. ACT TWO SCENE TWO Who’s there? What’s going on? LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH

19. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH Damnit! My stupid husband is making so much noise, he’ll wake up the guards! If Duncan hadn’t resembled my father as he slept, I would have killed him myself.

20. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH Oh man, I’m freaking out! I heard Malcolm and Donalbain talking in their sleep. One laughed, and the other cried “murder!” They woke each other and prayed. I tried to join them but I couldn’t pray!

21. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH Baby, you’ve got to chill out. Don’t think about it. MAcbeth

22. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH But then I heard a voice that said “Macbeth has killed sleep, so he will sleep no more!” I need to sleep – what am I going to do?

23. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH What? You’re talking crazy talk. Go wash the blood off your hands… Hey, is that the daggers in your hand? You idiot! Those are murder weapons! Go put them in the guards’ hands! MAcbeth

24. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH Hell no! I’m not about to go back there!

25. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH You sad little idiot. Give me the daggers. I ain’t scared of the dead and sleeping. If Duncan’s still bleeding, I’ll use the blood to cover the guards’ faces. MAcbeth

26. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH MAcbeth

27. ACT TWO SCENE TWO What’s up with that knocking? Why am I so freaked out? Will all the oceans of the world clean the blood off my hands? No, my hands will dye the seas red. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

28. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH I got just as much blood on my hands, but my soul is white. Come on! Someone is knocking on the door. We have to get cleaned up and be ready. MAcbeth KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

29. ACT TWO SCENE TWO LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH MAcbeth They’ll wake Duncan with that noise… If only they could… KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

30. ACT TWO SCENE THREE KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Alright, alright, I’m coming. If I were the porter of hell’s gate, I’d be opening the door a lot these days. Knock knock, who’s there? A farmer who killed himshelf because his crops failed. Come on in to hell and be ready to shweat. PORTER

31. ACT TWO SCENE THREE KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Who’s there? A shmooth talker who lied all through life, but couldn’t talk his way into Heaven. Who’s there? A tailor who ripsh off hith clients. Oh, well, here in hell you can do shome cooking, right? PORTER

32. ACT TWO SCENE THREE Man, open the door already! Enough of this foolishnesh. Here you go. Don’t forget the Porter. PORTER

33. ACT TWO SCENE THREE PORTER

34. ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX What took you so long? PORTER

35. ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX Sorry, I’ve been drinking, and it provokes three things – red faces, sleepiness, and urine. It also provokes horniness, but undoes it at the same time. I’m so wasted, man. PORTER

36. ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX Is Macbeth up? PORTER

37. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX Hey Macduff, Lennox, what’s up?

38. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX I told the king I would wake him up around now. I’ll go wake him.

39. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX Dude, it was a crazy night. The wind blew hard and we heard screams in the night and the earth shook.

40. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX No kidding.

41. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!!!

42. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX DUNCAN IS DEAD!

43. SAY WHAT?! MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX SAY WHAT?!

44. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LENNOX

45. ACT TWO SCENE THREE EVERYBODY WAKE UP!

46. ACT TWO SCENE THREE LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN The king is dead! Dead, I tell you!

47. ACT TWO SCENE THREE LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN It’s true! It looks like his guards did it! They were drunk as skunks! MAcbeth LENNOX

48. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN Yeah, I was so pissed off that I just killed both of those guards! LENNOX

49. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN What?! Why did you do that? LENNOX

50. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN Yeah, I was just so angry… I had to kill them… um… LENNOX

51. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE LadyLady MACBETHMACBETH BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN Oh dear, I’m so faint. LENNOX

52. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN Help her! LENNOX

53. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN What do we do, brother? LENNOX

54. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN Don’t say anything here! One of these guys just killed Dad. Let’s get out of here! LENNOX

55. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN I’ll go to England. LENNOX

56. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN I’ll go to Ireland. Here, we can’t trust anybody! LENNOX

57. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO MALCOLM DONALBAIN LENNOX

58. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO LENNOX Alright, let’s get cleaned up and we’ll get together to plan how to catch this murderer.

59. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO LENNOX Agreed!

60. MAcbeth ACT TWO SCENE THREE BANQUO LENNOX

61. ACT TWO SCENE THREE

62. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR THE NEXT DAY

63. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS Last night sure was strange.

64. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS How about today? It’s daytime, but the sun is blocked out, and it’s black as night.

65. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS Yeah, that’s strange. Also, last week, I saw an owl kill a hawk.

66. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS Oh yeah? How about Duncan’s horses? They went wild and ate each other. That’s super-strange.

67. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS Hey guys. Everyone thinks Malcolm and Donalbain must have killed their dad, because they took off so quickly.

68. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS So Macbeth is going to be the king then?

69. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS Yep. He’s at Scone being crowned. Duncan’s body is in Colmekill being buried. I’m heading home to Fife. I don’t want to see Macbeth crowned.

70. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN ROSS Alright. See you later.

71. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN

72. ACT TWO SCENE FOUR OLD MAN Help control the pet population. Have your pet spayed or neutered.

73. THE END OF ACT TWO

74. MACBETH’S CEMETERY MACDONWALD DRUNK GUARDS DUNCAN