1. EHS WRITING RUBRIC SAMPLES Let’s make your writing better! Check out these samples and try to copy the good ones.

2. Funnel Introduction – Score: 2 George is a round character with some good qualities and some flaws. There are good things and bad things about his personality. Some are more important than others. In Of Mice and Men by Steinbeck, George shows bravery and intelligence. He demonstrates this through his conversations with Lennie and his interaction with Candy. Problems:  Unsophisticated vocabulary  Short sentence structure and no variety  Repetitive Positive:  Good thesis statement!  It sets forth a purpose for the paper, incorporates the title and the author.

3. Funnel Introduction – Score: 5 Traveling farm workers in California during The Great Depression era seldom had a family or a savings. They traveled from job to job with no sense of belonging or allegiance to anyone. George Milton, however, was not the typical traveling farmer. He not only developed strong relationships, but he also had goals that inspired others. In Steinbeck’s novella Of Mice and Men, George demonstrated great courage and stood out as a leader among his peers. Positives  Sophisticated vocabulary, complex sentence structure, good format – It starts broad and then narrows to the main idea!

4. Body Paragraph – Score: 1 George shows his courage by killing Lennie. He decided to kill Lennie once he realized that there are not any other options. Lennie killed his puppy and then he kills Curleys’ wife. He then runs off to the place where George told him to go. When George found him, he was forced to shoot him for this bad behavior. This shows that George is brave. Problems:  This is a summary of events. It doesn’t prove that George is brave. It retells the story.  The language is juvenile and the verb forms don’t match.  It uses the possessive form incorrectly.  It doesn’t show how George is brave because it doesn’t draw a conclusion…HOW does the explained instance show the qualities of bravery? What about that example PROVES with out a doubt that George is brave?

5. Body Paragraph – Score: 5 George demonstrates his bravery through the choices that he makes through out the novel. Early in the story, the reader learns that George protects Lennie from consequences that he could have face in Weed. Even though he knows that Lennie has potential to be a future liability, he stands by him. He takes care of him by helping him evade the police and move on to another job. George has a deep sense of understanding when it comes to Lennie and his loyalty leads him to the ultimate demonstration of bravery. When George knows that Lennie has no other options, he take Lennie’s life to protect him from what is surely to be a terrible end. This is an brave choice. George knows how deep the pain is that he will face in Lennie’s absence, but he understands that the pain that Lennie will face if he lives, is far deeper.

6. Let’s improve….  THINK analysis! Give me your opinion and state it strongly. Then really explain it. PROVE IT.  Use an 8-sentence paragraph format. I know it seems like a lot of words, but I am telling you, if you want to write a good paper….IT TAKES A LOT OF WORDS!  Watch your language!  Make your word choice count. Use new vocabulary.  Use better sentence structure.  Reread your sentences several times and include more compound and complex sentences. Use sequences.  Mind your grammar! Watch for little errors!  Verb agreement. Elementary. Re-read and make sure you’re right!  Contractions. Leave them out.  Leave out idioms and common, boring conversational language.

7. YOU CAN DO IT!  Good news! Character Analysis is natural because we are constantly making judgments in our head.  Take your time. Don’t stop and start again. It WILL result in mistakes.  Re-read it yourself at least 4 times.  Have someone else read it – Your mom, Your dad, Your older brother….hey, sometimes even little brothers see mistakes you didn’t see!  Take this seriously. It is your future we are talking about…GOOD writers go to college. GOOD writers get GOOD jobs.