1. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net The Neuroscience of Resilience Changing Brains, Changing Lives Aspen Strong Foundation, Aspen, CO October 5-6, 2015

2. Linda Graham, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years Psychodynamic, Attachment, Trauma, Mindfulness, Neuroscience Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being 2013 Books for a Better life award 2014 Better Books for a Better World award linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net

3. Resources The Whole-Brain Child – Siegel and Bryson The Mindful Child – Susan Kaiser Greenland Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – John Gottman Raising Happiness – Christine Carter Mindful Schools www.mindfulschools.org CASEL www.casel.org

4. Resources Brainstorm – Dan Siegel Mindful Discipline – Shauna Shapiro Bouncing Forward – Michaela Haas Inner Explorer www.innerexplorer.org Roots of Empathy www.rootsofempathy.org

5. Resources Momentuous Institute Mind Up Cradle to Career Valley Settlement Project

6. Rewiring the Brain for Resilience Neuroscience Mindfulness Empathy Secure attachment Emotional-social-relational intelligence

7. Mindfulness and Empathy Two of the most powerful agents of brain change known to science Mindful parenting Mindful schools Empathic parenting Empathy in the schools

8. Paradigms of Growth and Healing Neuroscience Attachment theory Developmental Psychology Positive Psychology Post-traumatic growth research Interpersonal Neurobiology LEARNING WHAT WORKS

9. Modern Neuroscience How neural structures/circuits develop How brain processes information; communicates within itself How brain learns/installs patterns of coping How brain rewires its memory patterns

10. The field of neuroscience is so new, we must be comfortable venturing not only into the unknown, but into error. - Richard Mendius, M.D.

11. Neuroplasticity Greatest discovery of modern neuroscience Growing new neurons Strengthening synaptic connections Myelinating pathways – faster processing Creating and altering brain structure and circuitry Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain structures The brain changes itself - lifelong

12. The brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome. - Richard J. Davidson, PhD

13. Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning New Conditioning Re-Conditioning De-Conditioning

14. Conditioning Experience causes neurons to fire Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings Neurons that fire together wire together Strengthen synaptic connections Connections stabilize into neural pathways Without intervention, is what the brain does Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negative

15. Attachment Styles Secure Insecure-Avoidant Insecure-Anxious Disorganized

16. Attachment Styles - Secure Parenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpful Attachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure base Stable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathology

17. Insecure-Avoidant Parenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejecting Attachment is avoidant of people and emotions, withdrawn, compulsively self-reliant Stable, but not flexible Focus on self or world, not others or emotions Rigid, defensive, not open to learning Neural cement

18. Insecure-Anxious Parenting is inconsistent, unpredictable Attachment is clingy, needy, compulsive caregiving Flexible, but not stable Focus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learning Neural swamp

19. Disorganized Parenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is “checked out,” not “there” Attachment is paralysis, fright without solution Lack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of trauma

20. Pre-Frontal Cortex Executive center of higher brain Evolved most recently – makes us human Development kindled in relationships Matures the latest – 25 years of age Evolutionary masterpiece CEO of resilience

21. Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex Regulate body and nervous system Quell fear response of amygdala Manage emotions Attunement – felt sense of feelings Empathy – making sense of expereince Insight and self-knowing Response flexibility Planning, decision making

22. True Other to the True Self The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD To see and be seen: that is the question, and that is the answer. - Ken Benau, PhD

23. A basic ingredient in nurturing hope and resilience in our children is the presence of at least one adult who communicates to a child, through words and actions, “I believe in your and I will stand by you.” - Robert Brooks, Sam Goldstein Raising Resilient Children

24. In decades of research that looks at the factors that set resilienct children apart, such as intelligence, personality, and self-mastery, one factors stands out above all: the support of a loving adult. You just don’t see examples of people who made it on their own. - Ann Masten Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development

25. Emotional-social-relational Intelligence Experience, manage, express all emotions Attune, resonate with others’ emotions Empathy, compassion for self and other Theory of mind Trust self, others, relationships Use pro-social emotions to shift brain Open to learning and change

26. Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning New Conditioning Re-Conditioning De-Conditioning

27. New Conditioning Choose new experiences Focused attention, compassionate listening, gratitude practice Create new thoughts, new experience of self Create new learning, new memory Encode new wiring Install new pattern of response, new habits, new ways of being

28. Shift from Self-Critical Voice to Self-Compassionate Voice Loving awareness of breathing Let a moment of discomfort arise; notice where you feel in the body Notice any critical self-talk; notice the words; notice the tone of voice Use critical voice as cue to practice: “May I be kind to myself in this moment; may I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am.”

29. Re-conditioning Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation “Light up” neural networks Juxtapose old negative with new positive Neurons fall apart, rewire New rewires old

30. Re-Conditioning Resource with memory of someone’s compassion toward you Evoke compassion for your self Evoke memory of someone being critical of you (or inner critic) Hold awareness of criticizing moment and compassionate moment in dual awareness Drop the criticizing moment; rest in the compassionate moment.

31. Modes of Processing Focused Attention Tasks and details Deliberate, guided change New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Attention Default network Mental play space – random change De-conditioning

32. De-Conditioning Default network De-focusing, loosens grip of attention Creates mental play space, free association Can drop into worry, rumination Can drop into plane of open possibilities Brain makes new links, associations New insights, aha!s new behaviors

33. De-Conditioning Reverie, daydreams Imagination Guided visualizations Guided meditations Brain “plays,” makes own associations and links, connect dots in new ways Reflect on new insights

34. Compassionate Friend Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness Imagine safe place Imagine warm, compassionate figure – Compassionate Friend Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need to hear from compassionate friend Receive object of remembrance from friend Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom

35. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters – Portia Nelson I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

36. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

37. III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

38. IV I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street. -Portia Nelson

39. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net The Neuroscience of Resilience Changing Brains, Changing Lives Aspen Strong Foundation, Aspen, CO October 5-6, 2015

40. Paradigms of Growth and Healing Neuroscience Attachment theory Developmental Psychology Positive Psychology Post-traumatic growth research Interpersonal Neurobiology LEARNING WHAT WORKS

41. Boundin’

42. Affectionate Breathing Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently. Incline your awareness toward your breathing with tenderness and curiosity Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural nourishing and soothing of the body Feel the whole body breathe Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath Savor the stillness and peace in the body

43. Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor Rock back and forth, rock side to side Make little circles with your knees Lift each foot; place back down Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations Offer gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day long

44. Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherished Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol

45. Theory of Mind Given what’s happened, it’s perfectly understandable that you would feel the way you do.

46. Self-Compassion May I be kind to myself in this moment May I accept this moment, exactly as it is May I accept myself in this moment, exactly as I am May I give myself all the compassion I need

47. One for Me; One for You Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing” Breathing out, “soothing, soothing” In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for you” “One for me, one for you” Practice breathing “one for me, one for you” when in conversation with someone

48. Caregiving with Equanimity Everyone is on his or her own life journey. I am not the cause of this person’s suffering, nor is it entirely within my power to make it go away, even if I wish I could. Moments like this are difficult to bear, Yet I may still try to help if I can.

49. Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. - Martin Seligman

50. Increasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. - Matthew Lieberman, UCLA

51. Reconditioning Anchor in present moment awareness Resource with acceptance and goodness Start with small negative memory “Light up the networks” Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle) Refresh and strengthen positive Let go of negative Rest in, savor positive Reflect on shifts in perspective

52. Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

53. Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did. This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I would do differently going forward.

54. Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn