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KNOW THYSELF Ramesh Mehay, Programme Director Σωκράτης 469BC-399 BC Bradford VTS.

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Presentation on theme: "KNOW THYSELF Ramesh Mehay, Programme Director Σωκράτης 469BC-399 BC Bradford VTS."— Presentation transcript:

1 KNOW THYSELF Ramesh Mehay, Programme Director Σωκράτης 469BC-399 BC Bradford VTS


3 Y axis - responsiveness Controlled Response Applied to people who rarely show their emotions. Typical behaviours include: Immobile face Fixed eye contact Closed, formal body posture, static body, small gestures Monotone voice Task orientation Emotive response: Applied to people who openly show their feelings and emotions. Typical behaviours include: Facial mobility and animation. Short duration of eye contact Open body position, informality, large gestures, mobile body movements Inflexion in voice

4 X-axis - assertiveness "Tell" assertiveness A way of influencing that is more obvious to others: eg. "That was a stupid thing to do." "Tell" behaviours include: Loud voice, clipped speech Intense eye contact More gestures, active body movements Stating opinions; thinking of self first "Ask" assertiveness A way of influencing that is not perceived as so overt as "telling": eg. "I don't think that was a good idea because blah, blah, blah. What do you think?. "Ask" behaviours include: Quiet voice, measured speech Less intense eye contact Fewer gestures, slower body movements Listening; thinking of others first

5 Putting it all together

6 Drivers Pace: Fast, decisive; Voice: Clipped, monotone ; Posture: Formal, forward; Gestures: Small, precise; Eye Contact: Intense, direct ; Face: Fixed, immobile Drivers are brisk and business-like, and like to get things done. Like to be in charge, and get results. Hate indecision and inefficiency. Base decisions on relevant facts, objectivity. Under pressure become autocratic and dictatorial. With Drivers, do: Get on with it!, Be factual and succinct, Talk about results, Use time efficiently Don't: Waste their time, Be vague and rambling, Try to get too personal, Try to control them, Be disorganised

7 Expressives Pace: Fast, spontaneous; Voice: Loud, fast, modulated ; Posture: Relaxed, open; Gestures: Large, frequent; Eye Contact: Intense, but infrequent ; Face: Very mobile, animated. Expressives are sociable, flamboyant. Seek recognition, and dislike being ignored. Irritated by routine, and lack of stimulation. Base decisions on intuition. Under pressure, will go on the offensive and attack. With Expressives, do: Be prepared to socialise, Be enthusiastic and energetic, Offer your opinions, Support their ideas, Be flexible, spontaneous Don't: Be impatient or controlling, Bore them, Give them too much detail or facts, Irritate them!

8 AMIABLES Pace: Slow, easy; Voice: Soft, modulated; Posture: Relaxed, informal; Gestures: Large, but few; Eye Contact: Warm, friendly; Face: Open, animated Amiables prefer to maintain relationships, and avoid confrontation. Want to be appreciated, and in turn are supportive, and think of others first. Irritated by insensitivity and impatience. Base decisions on feelings, trust, people. Under pressure, will acquiesce, or submit. With Amiables, do: Be friendly and informal, Show interest in them personally, Take your time, Give them time to make decisions, Listen and be supportive of their feelings. Don't: Rush them, Be factual, Be distant, and stand-offish, Give them cause to mistrust you.

9 ANALYTICS Pace: Measured, systematic; Voice: Quiet, monotone ; Posture: Formal, stiff; Gestures: Small, few; Eye Contact: Reflective, steady; Face: Fixed, unexpressive Analyticals are concerned with the job in hand, and the process to achieve it. They like time to prepare, and are logical and thorough They dislike unpredictability, and being rushed. Base decisions on lots of facts, credibility. Under pressure will withdraw, and avoid cause of stress. With Analyticals, do: Get down to business, Listen carefully, Be formal and quiet, Give them time to think and to put their point of view, Be specific and logical Don't: Rush them, Interrupt them, Be flippant and casual, Be disorganised or late, Lack credibility

10 What happens in a conflict situation?

11 EGO STATES: TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS Ramesh Mehay ( Ραμεση Μεηαυ ) Εριk Βερνε Bradford VTS

12 Parent, Adult, Child Tapes Think of your brain like a video recorder You all have parent, adult and child tapes to play Which one you play most often is what defines you And can therefore tell others how to interact with you in the most effective way The best type of video tape is an adult-adult relationship

13 Parent Two types – critical and nurturing The controlling parent is the one who scolds a child for being late home for dinner So, what have you got to say for yourself? Do you realise Ive been worried sick about you being so late. The nurturing parent is the one who is glad they got home safely perhaps the next time we might like to think about giving me a call if youre going to be late.

14 Parent – critical (phrases) CONTROLS, DISCIPLINES, RESTRICTS BIASED ON PREJUDICES/OWN BELIEFS Right and wrong. Good and bad. Never and always sensible and careless What will people say….. That is the limit! Why havent you….. you must never….

15 Parent – nurturing (phrases) HELPFUL, CARING, LOVING BIASED ON FEELINGS Oh dear! What a shame…. Take care…. Please remember to…. dont be late…. Dont be afraid…. Ill help you…. It will take me long to…. Poor you…..

16 Adult ego (phrases) Asks questions and seeks out facts MATURE, DELIBERATING, NON-BIASED What do you think? How do you think? Why did it happen? What are the choices? Lets find out. Lets experiment. Lets define it. How come we handle it best? I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who. The Elephants Child in Just So Stories (1902) Ρθδυαρδ Κιπλινγ ( )

17 Child Ego – there are two types Natural free child primitive, impulsive, instinctive, undisciplined, demanding Please dont….. I didnt mean to… Adapted rebellious child guilt, rebellion, disobedience, compromises I like, I wont, I must, I feel. You will always try to, lets play, help me, Wow! I will in a moment, if only, if she can, so can I, it is mine

18 So What? Putting it all together… You can control your internal thoughts By doing so, you can adapt the way you interact with another person to their ego state get the most out of a situation and then... EVERYONEs happy!

19 PAC compliments Try to achieve the following P-P, A-A, C-C Pn-C (may result in them responding in an adult way, then you can have A-A) A-C (may encourage A-A) Pn-A

20 PAC – crossovers (avoid) Pc – is rarely ever good P C; A C (illustrated below)PAC

21 Summary Masters in communication are those who have the greatest flexibility in how they respond to the other person. Thats what PAC is all about: Being aware and choosing how to respond

22 Other Inventories… Honey & Mumford Learning Styles Conflict Styles Questionnaire Belbin Questionnaire MBTI (inventory) Play at home if you want to explore further Compare with colleagues Discuss

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