1. EXAMINING ABSTINENCE

2. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Examine aspects of healthy sexuality and responsible sexual behavior. Describe sexually healthy actions and choices for one’s body, including abstinence. Examine a range of behaviors and choices regarding sexual expression. Describe the ways in which personal values influence choices Analyze strategies for choosing responsible and respectful sexual expression

3. INTRODUCTION New Jersey stresses abstinence as the preferred sexual behavior amongst teens. Abstaining from sexual activity that involves an exchange of bodily fluids and/or genital to genital or skin to genital contact is the only sure way of avoiding the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted diseases. Postponement of initial sexual activity, adherence to one sexual partner and protected sexual intercourse are sequentially offered as the next best alternatives. The programs that are most effective in helping young people to abstain discuss abstinence, contraception and sexual health decision-making. This lesson focuses on exploring how teens can make healthy and responsible decisions about future sexual activity.

4. GROUND RULES Listen to each other No “put downs” It’s OK to pass. No personal questions Use correct words It’s OK to laugh “with” but not “at” other people.

5. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS You will review abstinence and postponement of sexual activity. You may want to Take notes during this discussion to help complete assignments later on.

6. WHAT IS ABSTINENCE? Abstinence can mean different things to different people. For some, it means having no physical contact with other people. For others, it could mean having limited contact, allowing some activities, but not sexual intercourse. Abstinence is often referred to as being 100% safe, meaning that it completely eliminates the risk of STD or unplanned pregnancy. This is only true if the definition includes eliminating any intimate sexual behavior involving skin to genital, genital to genital or body fluid to genital contact. Although rare, pregnancy can occur without intercourse if sperm is ejaculated near the entrance of the vagina during heavy petting. Some STDs such as herpes can be passed through skin-to-skin genital contact.

7. WHAT IS VIRGINITY? Virginity: Virginity has different meanings to different people and various cultures. Generally speaking, it is defined as never having had sexual intercourse.

8. DO YOU HAVE TO BE VIRGIN TO BE ABSTINENT? No. A person who is abstinent is not necessarily a virgin. A virgin has never had sexual intercourse. Someone who is abstinent may have had sexual intercourse in the past, but is not currently sexually active. The choice to be abstinent can be made at any time, regardless of past experience. Just because a person has had sex before, it does not mean a person must feel pressured to have sex again.

9. WHAT DOES POSTPONING SEXUALL ACTIVITY MEAN? Postponing sexual activity: waiting to have sexual

10. GROUP ACTIVITY Please make a list of SOME REASONS YOUNG PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE ABSTINENT OR TO POSTPONE SEXUAL ACTIVICITY ? Personal Personal / family values or religious/moral beliefs Not ready yet To avoid guilt, fear or disappointment

11. GROUP ACTIVITY CONTINUED MEDICAL: Fear of pregnancy Fear of HIV/AIDS or other STDs

12. GROUP ACTIVITY CONTINUED Lack of information on contraception Health and protection against disease. For example, risk factors for cervical cancer include: early age of first intercourse, higher number of sexual partners, and younger age at first pregnancy. 4

13. INDIVIDUALLY OR PAIRS Please list what makes abstinence work? 1.Being able to talk to each other 2.Commitment 3.Partner cooperation 4.Assertiveness 5.A positive vision for the future 6.Self esteem 7.Self-control 8.Information 9.Knowledge of consequences 10.Awareness of your personal values 11.Ability to identify sexual situations

14. WHAT FACTORS THAT MAKE ABSTINENCE FAIL? Alcohol / drugs Peer pressure Threat or force “Alone for the weekend”

15. HOW DO I LOVE THEE “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace.” -Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnets from the Portuguese 43

16. Love is Blind. (Chaucer) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (Bayly) She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. (The Beatles) Christine, I love you. (Phantom of the Opera) It’s love that makes the world go around. (Gilbert) Who ever loved that did not love at first sight? (Gilbert) Love means never having to say you’re sorry. (Segal) Love is a kind of warfare. (Ovid) The course of true love never did run smooth. (Shakespeare) Love those who love you. (Voltaire) But the greatest of all these is charity. (The Bible) Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. (The Bible) Love teaches even donkeys to dance. (French Proverb) The heart that loves is always young. (Greek Proverb) It is impossible to love and be wise. (Bacon) She who has never loved has never lived. (John Gay) Love, love me do, you know I love you. (The Beatles) FAMOUS QUOTES ABOUT LOVE….

17. CLASS ACTIVITY (HOW DO I LOVE THEE.. LET ME COUNT THE WAYS The purpose of this activity is to encourage teens to think about how they can express their love and affection without taking part in sexual activity. Directions: Students think about how you can express your love and affection without taking part in sexual activity.

18. GROUP OR PARTNER ACTIVITY Directions: Complete the following assignment after viewing and reading the previous slides. Love is … “You’ll know when you’re in love when…” Define A truly intimate relationship has these qualities … Define Students complete How Do I Love Thee handout

19. HOW DO YOU KNOW ? Intro: Think back maybe a year ago, last month, or even last week when you turn 17. Everyone knows you are legally able to get your license after completing the steps of Graduated driver License System. Some people in the group may rush out on the first day they are eligible and get their license right away. Others may wait a year, several years and some people may never get their license How many of you want to get your driver’s license as soon as you turn 17? How many waited for a couple of days, weeks, or months? How many still do not have their license?

20. SMALL GROUPS ACTIVITY Group 1: Make a list on newsprint of all the reasons you can think of why a teen might choose to get their driver’s license. Group 2: Make a list of all the reasons you can think of why a teen hold off on learning to drive. Group 3 : Imagine your group has the authority to give or refuse a driver’s license to a 17 year old that you test. What are the 3 most important factors that would influence your decision to grant a person a license? discuss

21. CLASS DISCUSSION 1.To show love for partner 2.Desire, curiosity 3.Feels good 4.Wanting to feel loved 5.Social pressure (from partner, perception that “everyone is doing it”) POSTPONE 1.Worried about pregnancy, STI 2. Religious or cultural values 3.Not ready, not the right person, 4.Family expectations 5.Waiting until lifetime commitment 6.You or your partner are drunk or under the influence of substances (youth who know that consequences of alcohol and other substances may include poor decision making may decide to hold back until they are better able to make such decisions) WANT TO :

22. THINK THEN DISCUSS If society were to issue a sex license, that would allow someone to have sex, how would people qualify for one? What would people need to know? What skills need to be developed? STI prevention Contraception, pregnancy prevention Communication skills Negotiation skills

23. CONCLUSION the decision whether or not to have sex is not an easy decision to make. A number of issues including STI, pregnancy prevention and skills (communication and negotiation) need to be considered. The decision whether or not to become sexually active or to stop being sexually active (if you have had sex in the past, this does not mean you have to have sex again) is one that each individual needs to consider. Only you can decide what is right for you.”