1. Why You Do What You Do Session #2 Why all marriage problems are really “worship disorders”

2. The Heart is a Person’s Mission Control Center Solomon’s help: Proverbs 4:23 What does the heart do? Jesus’ help:  Mark 7:20-23  Luke 6:45  Matthew 23:25-28

3. Mission Control Center WILL CONSCIENCE THOUGHTS Outer Man Inner Man DESIRESEMOTIONS BELIEFS BEHAVIOR Proverbs 4:23 Ephesians 4:23 Romans 12:2 Mark 7:20-23, Matthew 12:34 What goes on in the heart determines what comes out in the life

4. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin James 1:13-15  People are tempted by their own lusts Lust = a “ruling” or “governing” desire. It is a desire that has become a demand, something that controls a person Lusts can be good or bad Potentials lusts include: Desire for pleasure Desire for money Desire for control Desire for peace Desire to have my own way Notice the language: “carried away” and “enticed”  When lust is conceived, it brings forth sin “conceived” means that the person acts, controlled by and on the basis of, the lust in his heart  When sin is accomplished, it brings death (cf. Rom. 6:23)

5. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin LUSTS SIN Sin comes from a person’s lusts

6. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin James 4:1-3  The source of quarrels are “pleasures” that “wage war” in our members (v.1) Pleasures = the enjoyment gained from the fulfillment of one’s desires “wage war” is descriptive of the war of desires that goes on inside people  Conflict comes when a person “lusts,” but doesn’t get what they want (v.2)

7. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin “I desire” “I must” “I will” “You should” “You didn’t” CONFLICT “Because you didn’t, I will… or I won’t…” Desire Demand Need Expectation Disappointment Punishment Adapted from Paul Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, 86-88

8. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin James 4:1-3  When a desire becomes a demand, then we know that: The person’s ultimate desire is not to please God, but to gratify self The thing desired has become an idol, or God- replacement The person is worshipping the creature, instead of the Creator Sin has occurred, and conflict is probably not far away

9. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin Who is on the throne? Christ?Self? DESIRES GOAL: Honor and please Christ Honor him in what I want Honor him in how much I want it Honor him by asking him for his will to be done Honor him whether or not I get what I want Who or what am I worshipping? GOAL: Please & gratify myself My wants & needs are most important Excessive in strength of desires Don’t ask God or ask with selfish motive Get angry when I don’t’ get my way Only two choices on the shelf: Pleasing Christ, or pleasing self

10. The Desires of the Heart and the Progression of Sin  How do you know if a desire has become a lust or demand? Q: Am I willing to sin in order to get what I want? Q: Did I sin when I didn’t get what I wanted?  Two additional problems: People don’t get what they want sometimes because they don’t ask God (v. 2) People don’t get what they ask God for because they ask with selfish, sinful motives (v. 3)

11. Why is Worship the Issue? Worship is the ongoing activity of the heart. We are always worshipping. Anything that replaces Christ as most important in our lives has become a “God-replacement,” or an idol. An idol does not have to be a statue, it can be an “idol of the heart” (Ezek. 14:1-7) Our sinful hearts love to exchange the worship of Christ for an idol (Rom. 1:18-25) Do you know your idols?

12. What is the solution to idolatry? Repentance – a change of mind leading to a change in the direction of life Elements of true repentance:  Comprehension – A person must understand the biblical truth relevant to his sin and his need for a Savior  Confession – “to say the same thing” – A person agrees with God about both the fact of his sin as well as God’s assessment of his sin and what his sin deserves (1 John 1:9). The person also needs to confess his sin to other people if his sin has been against them (Luke 15:21).

13. What is the solution to idolatry? Repentance – a change of mind leading to a change in the direction of life Elements of true repentance  Remorse – A person is sorrowful over his sin and regrets what he has done (2 Cor. 7:10, Ps. 51)  Forgiveness – A person asks for forgiveness from God and those whom he sinned against (1 John 1:9, Luke 17:3-4)  Commitment – A person resolves, by God’s grace, to change and to not commit the offense again (Is. 1:16-17, Eph. 4:22-24, Matt. 3:8)

14. What is the solution to idolatry? Replacement - real, biblical change must involve both a "putting off" and a “ putting on. ”  Replace pleasing self with pleasing Christ  Replace worshipping self with worshipping Christ  Replace selfish desires with godly desires  Replace gratifying self with serving and loving others  Replace sinful reacting with righteous responding

15. M. Examples I can’t wait to get home! The game is on! Time to relax, kick up my feet, and enjoy the evening! I’d sure like to enjoy the game, but my wife really needs my help with the kids – Philippians 2 says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” God would want me to serve my wife and my kids. They are the priority. And since I want to honor and please God, the game will have to wait. I’ll ask my wife how I can best help her tonight. I deserve a break! Why can’t she get the kids under control? I can’t help right now, the game is on! Doesn’t she know that I had a hard day? Father, will you forgive me for my selfish attitude. I am more concerned for my needs and wants than for that of my wife, whom you have called me to serve like Christ does his church. Will you give me the grace tonight to love her and serve her like Christ? Please help me to be an encouragement to her tonight. Help me to want to honor and please you more than I want to watch the game. “Give me that back!” “No, I don’t want to!” Daaaaaaaaaaaadddd… Tell Jimmy to give back my dolls! “He’s always taking my things… why can’t he play with his own stuff?” “It’s not fair dad… Suzy’s been using that table all day so her stupid dolls can have a tea party. I want to make it into a runway! Tell her it’s my turn!” (from the kitchen) – “Oh, hi honey… dinner’s going to be about 45 minutes late, and I’m sorry the house is a wreck. Would you mind seeing what the kids are fussing about?

16. M. Examples I don’t want to go to that church function because people will be watching me. What if I say something dumb? What if they don’t like what I’m wearing? What if they start talking to others about me? I just won’t go. Galatians 1:10 - For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:9 - Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. Father, I confess that I am thinking only about myself instead of you. I am lusting after the approval of others, instead of seeking to please you. Please forgive me. Would you help me to seek to please you, not others. And will you help me to learn to serve and love others, rather than being controlled by their opinion of me. Help me to love and serve them regardless of what they think of me.