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Communication Smarts Review. Four Danger Signs: Escalation Put-down/ invalidation Withdrawal/ avoidance Negative interpretations Communication Never say:

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Presentation on theme: "Communication Smarts Review. Four Danger Signs: Escalation Put-down/ invalidation Withdrawal/ avoidance Negative interpretations Communication Never say:"— Presentation transcript:

1 Communication Smarts Review

2 Four Danger Signs: Escalation Put-down/ invalidation Withdrawal/ avoidance Negative interpretations Communication Never say: You need a time out. Instead say: We or I need a time out.

3 Two Options: Drop it for now. Come back and discuss later, but within 24 hours. Shift to a safer and better communication. Use speaker-listener technique. Time Out: During a time out, dont rehearse negative or hot thoughts. It will defeat the whole purpose of a time out.

4 Reduce Anger Remember that often behind anger lies hurt feelings. Example: I am angry at you…but really deep down Im feeling rejected. Helpful Tip: Have soothing statements or mantras. -Example: I am really mad at her now, but basically she's a good person and we will figure this out.

5 Helpful Tip Have soothing statements or mantras. Example: I am really mad at her now, but basically she's a good person and we will figure this out.

6 Complaining Character assassination You always, you never Blaming Mind reading Cross-complaining Kitchen-sinking WWWF-formula W= What W= When or W= Where WW= When or Where F= Feelings AVOID negative or harsh

7 Messages Filter - Distractions -Mood/ emotional state -Negative beliefs -Style Counter it - choose a good time to bring stuff up. - Ask if its a good time - Back off if its a bad time. -Announce your mood -Back off if you see its a bad time for someone. -Look for evidence to the contrary. -Check it out. Dont mind-read, ask. -Learn about your style and that of others; have humility- your way isn't the only way.

8 Key Rules Rules for speaker - speak for yourself, no mind reading. -Dont g on and on. - Pause, let listener paraphrase Rules for listener - Dont disagree or interrupt. -Seek to understand. -Paraphrase what you hear.

9 Four Hidden Issues Trivial triggers Scorekeeping Avoidance Wheel spinning Button Deal with the event now as best you can, decide to talk about the bigger issue or problem at a later time. Dont let an event drag you into an unproductive argument now about the bigger issue or problem. Tell yourself now is not a good time. Use a time-out.

10 Problems w/ Expectations Problems w/ expectations -unaware -Unreasonable -Unspoken, unshared What to do -Become aware -Check to see id reasonable -Be motivated to meet a best friend, a family member or a girl/boyfriends most important expectation. Power and control Caring Recognition Integrity Commitment acceptance Acceptance Six Hidden Issues:

11 Problem Solving Model 1.Decide specific problem or piece or problem to solve. 2. Brainstorm a list of possible solutions. 3. Come up with a plan. Keep eliminating until youve narrowed it down to one solution you agree to try. 4. Do a follow-up check. Hows it working? Modify if needed. * Have a good problem discussion. Make sure you understand each others concerns and point of view. Use speaker-listener if needed.

12 Friendship Feeling Daily weather reports. Daily appreciations Stay up-to-date with each other Make time for real friendship talking- even with family members.

13 Works Cited Love You too –Communication Smarts for all Relationships »Marline F. Pearson The Dibble Fund for Marriage Education Copyright 2004 Power point by: Emory Jones New Albany High School


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