Presentation on theme: "Communication Smarts Review. Four Danger Signs: Escalation Put-down/ invalidation Withdrawal/ avoidance Negative interpretations Communication Never say:"— Presentation transcript:
Communication Smarts Review
Four Danger Signs: Escalation Put-down/ invalidation Withdrawal/ avoidance Negative interpretations Communication Never say: You need a time out. Instead say: We or I need a time out.
Two Options: Drop it for now. Come back and discuss later, but within 24 hours. Shift to a safer and better communication. Use speaker-listener technique. Time Out: During a time out, dont rehearse negative or hot thoughts. It will defeat the whole purpose of a time out.
Reduce Anger Remember that often behind anger lies hurt feelings. Example: I am angry at you…but really deep down Im feeling rejected. Helpful Tip: Have soothing statements or mantras. -Example: I am really mad at her now, but basically she's a good person and we will figure this out.
Helpful Tip Have soothing statements or mantras. Example: I am really mad at her now, but basically she's a good person and we will figure this out.
Complaining Character assassination You always, you never Blaming Mind reading Cross-complaining Kitchen-sinking WWWF-formula W= What W= When or W= Where WW= When or Where F= Feelings AVOID negative or harsh
Messages Filter - Distractions -Mood/ emotional state -Negative beliefs -Style Counter it - choose a good time to bring stuff up. - Ask if its a good time - Back off if its a bad time. -Announce your mood -Back off if you see its a bad time for someone. -Look for evidence to the contrary. -Check it out. Dont mind-read, ask. -Learn about your style and that of others; have humility- your way isn't the only way.
Key Rules Rules for speaker - speak for yourself, no mind reading. -Dont g on and on. - Pause, let listener paraphrase Rules for listener - Dont disagree or interrupt. -Seek to understand. -Paraphrase what you hear.
Four Hidden Issues Trivial triggers Scorekeeping Avoidance Wheel spinning Button Deal with the event now as best you can, decide to talk about the bigger issue or problem at a later time. Dont let an event drag you into an unproductive argument now about the bigger issue or problem. Tell yourself now is not a good time. Use a time-out.
Problems w/ Expectations Problems w/ expectations -unaware -Unreasonable -Unspoken, unshared What to do -Become aware -Check to see id reasonable -Be motivated to meet a best friend, a family member or a girl/boyfriends most important expectation. Power and control Caring Recognition Integrity Commitment acceptance Acceptance Six Hidden Issues:
Problem Solving Model 1.Decide specific problem or piece or problem to solve. 2. Brainstorm a list of possible solutions. 3. Come up with a plan. Keep eliminating until youve narrowed it down to one solution you agree to try. 4. Do a follow-up check. Hows it working? Modify if needed. * Have a good problem discussion. Make sure you understand each others concerns and point of view. Use speaker-listener if needed.
Friendship Feeling Daily weather reports. Daily appreciations Stay up-to-date with each other Make time for real friendship talking- even with family members.
Works Cited Love You too –Communication Smarts for all Relationships »Marline F. Pearson The Dibble Fund for Marriage Education Copyright 2004 Power point by: Emory Jones New Albany High School