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Effective Listening 2/26/20141. The single most important skill in personal relationships, selling, negotiating, and managing is listening. You cant have.

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Presentation on theme: "Effective Listening 2/26/20141. The single most important skill in personal relationships, selling, negotiating, and managing is listening. You cant have."— Presentation transcript:

1 Effective Listening 2/26/20141

2 The single most important skill in personal relationships, selling, negotiating, and managing is listening. You cant have a successful relationship unless you are firmly committed to listening a majority of the time. Reaching agreement relies on listening, understanding, and building trust. 2

3 Listening – 60% in most relationships -The minimum – 80% in some relationships - The maximum If your partner wont listen at least 20% of the time, its not a two-way relationship. – Its a one-way relationship like in theater, movies, print, broadcasting, or cable -- you are the audience. 3

4 The Communication Process 4 Source Message ChannelReceiver Listening Understanding Feedback

5 Effective Communication Depends On: Source credibility Message strength Channel effectiveness Receiver characteristics Listening effectiveness Responsive feedback 5

6 Effective Communication Elements that enhance source credibility: – Trustworthiness – Competence – Objectivity – Expertise – Physically Attractiveness – Dynamism – Similarity People like and trust people exactly like themselves. 6

7 Effective Communication Elements that enhance message strength: – Two-sided argument – Ordering effects Primacy and recency – KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) USP (Unique Selling Proposition) – Focus on benefits to the other person 7

8 Effective Communication Channel effectiveness – Face-to-face most effective Full, two-way verbal and non-verbal communication with instant feedback – Video (film, TV, e.g.) next most effective. – Audio (radio, e.g.) next. Video and audio can convey emotion and control emphasis, even though they are one-way. – Print least effective unless the message is complex. Cant convey emotion, one-way. 8

9 Receiver characteristics that affect communication: – Intelligence The receiver can understand and evaluate messages. – Self-confidence The receiver trusts self to evaluate communication and make an assured decision. 9

10 Effective Listening Ask an open-ended question. Adopt the proper attitude. –Optimistic, open, confident, trusting, respecting, non- defensive, and non-judgmental Shut up and listen. Listen actively: nod, use gestures, smile (Responsive feedback). Concentrate on the speaker. – Dont take notes unless its absolutely necessary. – Ditch the cell phone -- disrespectful to check it. Addiction 10

11 Effective Listening Do not step on sentences. Do not respond to negatives, objections, concerns too quickly. – If you do, you appear to be defensive. Do not think of a rebuttal. – If you continually rebut arguments, youll stop getting them and wont learn anything. – If you think of a rebuttal while trying to listen, you cant receive 100% of the information you hear. 11

12 Effective Listening Respect the other sides statements. – Respect and learn about their view of the world. Listen for themes. – Risk averse, conservative, entrepreneurial, recognition need, affiliation need, goal oriented, etc. Be very sensitive to emotional cues. Listen in synchronization – dont mimic. 12

13 Effective Listening Concentrate on the speaker (open body language). Acknowledge, dont always agree. –Oh, Uh-Uh, I see, e.g. – Dont say Good, or Youre right, – judgmental. Dont react emotionally. – Control your emotions. Listen with authenticity. – Be yourself, others can tell when youre not sincere. 13

14 What good listeners dont do: * – Interrupt – Respond too soon. – Editorialize in midstream. – Jump to conclusions. – Judge the speaker. – Try to solve the problem too quickly. – Take calls or interruptions in the course of a meeting. 14 * The Trusted Advisor, David Maister et al, Free Press, 2000

15 Non-Verbal Communication Non-verbal communication conveys 65% of a messages meaning. Look for individual body language. – No universal body language. Use gestures, space, openness, and your body language to: – Give the message you care about and like the other person. – Match their style and pace. 15

16 Non-Judgmental Listening Goals: 1 To understand the other persons needs Often, the other person just needs to talk. 2 To understand another persons unique perception of their world. 16 Sales Effectiveness Training, Carl Zaiss and Thomas Gordon, Penguin Books, 1993

17 Non-Judgmental Listening Develop a non-threatening, non-confrontational attitude so people feel secure in opening up, revealing personal information. – Offer personal information first and then trade it. – Find something you have in common with the other person. 17 Sales Effectiveness Training, Carl Zaiss and Thomas Gordon, Penguin Books, 1993

18 Vary your responses, otherwise listening becomes a monotonous technique. Never ask Why? No challenges No obvious, manipulating techniques or leading questions:Have you stopped beating your wife? e.g. 18

19 Effective Listening 1. Listen carefully, actively. 2. Rephrase their position/objection. - Let me make sure I understand your position…you feel our prices are too high? 3. Get their agreement that you understand. - Is that correct? 4. Respond with a form of an I understand statement (vary your responses) - I understand…, - Feel, felt, found. 19

20 Feel, Felt, Found Respond: –I understand how you feel … Acknowledges their feelings and honors them. –Many people have felt the same way … Reinforces and legitimizes their opinions so they know they arent stupid or silly. –But we have found that higher prices are based on three things: highly targeted content, high demand, and high response rates. We have a 95% renewal rate. 20


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