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Not What God Wanted Many marriages feed on strife, quarreling, ill will, suspicion, jealousy, and fault-finding Our marriage manual teaches different.

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Presentation on theme: "Not What God Wanted Many marriages feed on strife, quarreling, ill will, suspicion, jealousy, and fault-finding Our marriage manual teaches different."— Presentation transcript:

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2 Not What God Wanted Many marriages feed on strife, quarreling, ill will, suspicion, jealousy, and fault-finding Our marriage manual teaches different behavior

3 I Cheerfulness / Comradery Dt.24:5 Women had few rights Husband could not treat her as a slave or a mere possession She was a person with feelings and needs that he had to meet

4 Ru.1:8-9 Naomi knew what to look for in a marriage Rest = more than end of toil and trouble 3:1, security, blessing of the Lord

5 Pro.17:1 Strife should not be the normal atmosphere in marriage. Cf. 21:9 1 Sm.25:3, Nabal…harsh…evil 2, riches could not make up for his wretched attitude 25, Abigail knew what he was Many girls marry men like their fathers. This is why mothers cry at weddings

6 Ec.9:9 Marriage is Gods gift that helps us to enjoy life Happily ever after

7 Jer.16:9 Gods judgment would remove greatest pleasures in life

8 Ezk.24:16,18 The desire of your eyes Not newlyweds 21, grief without limits

9 II Communication Ja.1:19-20, proper communication Talking is easy Not always easy to say right thing in right way Col.4:5-6 Many families shipwreck because husband and wife have not learned how to communicate

10 Ephesians 5-6 Husband-wife, parent-child, employer-employee – proper order Tragedy results when men reverse these priorities Some husbands put job ahead of wife and family

11 Ep.4:17-24 Put away OLD MAN (19-22) Put on NEW MAN (24) Meaning: we learn Christ (20)

12 Even worldly people rejoice at weddings Later, misery invades How to go so quickly from mountain of joy to valley of sorrow/regret? Their approach to solving problems: a battle to be won; even the winner loses

13 1. Negative problem description They begin with criticism / blame, fueled by anger Mk.3: Cross-complaining. Creates another problem; now fighting over the complaint and the original prob- lem – a two front war Confirm the complaint. Jg.8:1-3

14 3. Interrupting Never solved anything. Ac.22:22 Listen and summarize 4. Denying responsibility and/or making excuses If its always the other persons fault, search your heart Accept responsibility

15 5. Exaggeration You never / you always… causes anger; your mate can remember exceptions Try to be accurate 6. Negative mind-reading Attributes false motives to a mate Attribute positive motives

16 7. Negative non-verbal communi- cation Gestures, tone, volume, and expression Communicate positive non-verbal signals (smile; gentle) 8. Negative retaliation Same to you… Instead, offer positive response. Let me think about it…

17 Ep.4:25 Stresses need for communication in sound relationships Analysis of 100 successful mar- riages & 200 problem marriages People with happy marriages argue about the same things as people with unhappy marriages The difference: how they handle disagreements

18 Ep.4:26-27 Learn not to harbor ill feelings Anger is mishandled in two ways: blowing up –or– clamming up Either is sin. The child of God cannot lose his temper when things do not go his way, or hold grudges Never go to bed mad…when you can stay up and fight!

19 Watch Your Words Some say things they later regret Love easily turns into hate, trust into suspicion, tenderness into cold indifference Husband points at wife, wife at husband, and both hit their target This never solved a problem

20 Get The Point! Point at the problem How? First point at self This will produce agreement Never remove the lid from anothers trash can until you have cleaned out your own can first

21 Ephesians 4:29, speech Includes whatever tears down or cuts up another Build up. Attack the problem, not the person Col.3:19 Bitterness is opposite of love Some are polite in public...

22 Ephesians 4: , do not look for flaws and mistakes. Look for strengths Marriages fail when two people are madly in love with self

23 III Consideration Ep.5:25 Few masters could say, practice my teaching, imitate my life Jn.17:9, unique affection Gn.29:…18, 20

24 Ep.5:28 So ( ESV: In the same way): following this example (25-27) Jew could divorce his wife for a trivial cause or for no cause Pagan husband was even worse

25 for (28b): self-evident Nourish, (= 6:4). Provide for Cherish, (= 1 Th.2:7). Care for; show affection, tender love Ep.5:29

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